The record is primarily based on DeLonge's post-hardcore influences, such as Fugazi and Refused. The recording sessions were particularly difficult for him, as he had recently undergone back surgery. The record is a concept album detailing the end of the world, and features dark, moody tracks mulling over confusion. Blink-182 bassist Mark Hoppus—the only member of that band not involved in the project—felt betrayed over his lack of inclusion, which evolved into tensions between him and DeLonge. It contributed to the band's 2005 breakup.
Box Car Racer peaked at number twelve on the Billboard 200 despite little promotion, and the two singles "I Feel So" and "There Is" charted on Billboard's Modern Rock Tracks chart, with the former hitting the top 10. The album received positive reviews from music critics, who complimented the darker direction in comparison to DeLonge's previous work with Blink. The group toured the album in North America in late 2002 with the Used and H2O. The album was conceived as an experiment of sorts; as such, the band dissolved after the tour.
I Feel So
Box Car Racer Lyrics
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I wish I was stronger
Wish I could feel no pain
Wish I was young
Wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
Wish I was you, not I
'Cause I feel so mad
I feel so angry
Feel so callous
So lost, confused again
Feel so cheep
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over
Sometimes I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world
For you and me
'Cause I feel so mad
I feel so angry
Feel so callous
So lost, confused again
Feel so cheep
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over
'Cause I feel so mad
I feel so angry
Feel so callous
So lost, confused again
Feel so cheep
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over
'Cause I feel so mad
I feel so angry
Feel so callous
So lost, confused again
Feel so cheep
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over
Let's start over
The song "I Feel So" by Box Car Racer is a hauntingly beautiful exploration of the struggles of life and the human condition. The lyrics express a longing for change, a desire to be someone else, or to have different abilities. The songwriter wishes for bravery, strength, youth, honesty, intelligence, power, to be a leader, and to be someone else.
However, underneath these wishes and desires is a deep well of anger, callousness, confusion, and a sense of being lost. The repeated chorus "I feel so mad, I feel so angry, feel so callous, so lost, confused again, feel so cheap, so used, unfaithful" magnifies the sense of sadness and pain underneath the seemingly positive wishes in the verses. The final plea to "let's start over" reflects a hope for a new beginning.
The beauty of this song lies in the way it captures the complexity of human emotions and the struggles we all face. The songwriter, likely Tom DeLonge from Blink-182, speaks to a universal experience of feeling inadequate and wishing for something different, but also acknowledges the difficult emotions that come with it.
Line by Line Meaning
Sometimes I wish I was brave
At times, I aspire to be courageous.
I wish I was stronger
I longed to have more strength.
Wish I could feel no pain
I wanted to be able to experience no physical or emotional suffering.
Wish I was young
I yearned to be youthful again.
Wish I was shy
I sometimes wish I was more reserved.
I wish I was honest
I desired to be truthful and sincere.
Wish I was you, not I
I would rather be in your position than mine.
'Cause I feel so mad
Because I'm incredibly angry
I feel so angry
I am consumed by a strong feeling of wrath.
Feel so callous
I feel indifferent and apathetic.
So lost, confused again
I'm feeling aimless and bewildered once again.
Feel so cheap
I feel worthless and undervalued.
So used, unfaithful
I feel like I've been taken advantage of and I am feeling unfaithful.
Let's start over
I suggest that we try again from the beginning.
Sometimes I wish I was smart
Occasionally, I desire to be intelligent.
I wish I made cures for how people are
I wanted to find a cure for human nature.
I wish I had power
I wanted to have authority or control over things.
I wish I could lead
I wanted to have the skills necessary to be a successful leader.
I wish I could change the world
I wanted to have the ability to make significant modifications to the planet.
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc.
Written by: Travis Barker, Tom Delonge
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind