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AdriAnne Lenker Lyrics


Staring down the barrel of the hot sun
Shining with the sheen of a shotgun
Carol has a little if we need some
Joe has a ride, if we wanna come

Hanging your jeans with a clothes pin
Skin still wet still on my skin
Mango in your mouth, juice dripping
Shoulder of your shirtsleeve slipping

Christmas eve with your mother and sis
Don't wanna fight but your mother insists
Dog's white teeth slice right into my fist
Drive to the ER and you put me on risk

Grocery store list, now you get this
Brunch, had calls and messages
I don't wanna be the owner of your fantasy
I just wanna be a part of your family

And I don't wanna talk about anything
I don't wanna talk about anything
I wanna kiss, kiss your eyes again
Wanna witness your eyes looking

I don't wanna talk about anyone
I don't wanna talk about anyone
I wanna sleep in your car while you're driving
Lay on your lap when I'm crying

Circle of pine and riddle
Circle of moss and fire smoke
Fan on the ceiling like a wheel spoke
Push the clutch in and I pull the choke

Wanna listen to the sound of you blinking
Wanna listen your to hands soothe
Listen to your heart beating
Listen to the way you move

And I don't wanna talk about anything
I don't wanna talk about anything
I wanna kiss, kiss your eyes again
Wanna witness your eyes looking

I don't wanna talk about anyone
I don't wanna talk about anyone
I wanna sleep in your car while you're driving
Lay on your lap when I'm crying

Ordering the stars in Heaven
Hurling salt in the sea
Dragging a new-born mountain
Didn't you believe in me?

You held me the whole way through
When I couldn't say the words like you
I was scared indigo, but I wanted to
I was scared indigo, but I wanted to

And I don't wanna talk about anything
I don't wanna talk about anything
I wanna kiss, kiss your eyes again
Wanna witness your eyes looking

I don't wanna talk about anyone
I don't wanna talk about anyone
I wanna sleep in your car while you're driving
Lay on your lap when I'm crying

Lyrics © DOMINO PUBLISHING COMPANY
Written by: Adrianne Elizabeth Lenker

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
To comment on specific lyrics, highlight them
Most interesting comment from YouTube:

thetrailorman1

The poet and her lover are not staring down the barrel of a shotgun; they're not shining with the sheen of the hot sun. It's exactly the opposite: they're "Staring down the barrel of the hot sun / Shining with the sheen of a shotgun." In other words, it is time that is aiming its barrel at them. Time is the instrument of danger here. Meanwhile, their relationship shines like a bright polish, a polish which is, unknowingly or not, over top of something ominous (a shotgun). The sheen is nevertheless what holds our attention. Times are good. The first two stanzas convey the innocence of their early relationship.

All is good until the third stanza. The third stanza brings us into the winter and into a problem: Indigo's family, specifically her mother. Visiting them on Christmas Eve, Indigo's mother insists on a fight. And, as it would seem, Indigo doesn't take the opportunity to stand up to her mother. This point is based on the fact that the fight escalates all the way to a fist being thrown. Also, consider what we know about Indigo: "Mango in your mouth, juice dripping / Shoulder of your shirtsleeve, slipping." Indigo seems likes a free spirit who is carefree and easy-going. The detail about a loose or stretched collar may be strategic, as it may suggest that Indigo doesn't care for stiff, rigid, or tightly-drawn boundaries, a reflection of the home in which she grew up. Her mother certainly doesn't respect such boundaries. She presses in and crosses the line. Sadly, as the writer notes, only the dog recognizes a boundary line.

They go to the ER and Indigo puts her "on risk" (i.e., the hospital's suicide watch). It's a traumatic experience without any satisfying conclusion. The two of them endure the event, still together but not quite the same as before. Another scene emerges: the writer is by herself at the store working through the couple's grocery list. Indigo has gotten angry at something; the missed calls and the unchecked messages are adding up. It's possible that part of the song is voiced in this particular setting: our narrator is wandering the aisles of the grocery store, their grocery list cradled in one hand while her phone is being choked by the other.

She states her refrain, a refrain that holds up two different worlds: one fantasy, one reality; one unified, one dissonant. "I don't want to be the owner of your fantasy / I just want to be accepted by your family." She doesn't answer the phone because she doesn't want to talk about anything or anyone. She simply wants to go back to a place of simplicity, vulnerability, and trust. Everything has become so complicated since Christmas Eve.

We get a few more pictures ("Circle of pine and red oak / Circle of moss and fire smoke / Fan on the ceiling like a wheel spoke...") in the following stanzas, these fleeting glimpses into precious moments between them. A campfire maybe, where ongoing complications seem to evaporate in smoke. Lying in bed together, the two of them gazing at a fan that turns like a wheel, driving them through time as if they are onboard some unstoppable chariot. Again, time is the instrument of danger to their intense and passionate relationship. Watching this fan turn, she wants to "push the clutch in," i.e., disengage the engine from its gears, disconnect from that which pushes everything forward. She wants to let this moment glide, or idle like a car running steady in the driveway. She wants to "pull the choke," i.e., allow less air in. The fuel input stays the same but, by limiting outside influences, the thing derives more power. Essentially, she wants to isolate the internal power of this moment in order to give it more power; she wants to let it glide without requiring anything from it.

"Weren't we the stars in heaven / Weren't we the salt in the sea?" Notice: these lines are imprisoned to past tense. The poet's relationship is now in the rear-view mirror. Lying together under this whirling ceiling fan, she comes to think about how, at one point not long ago, they were cut from the same cloth and components of something greater: the stars in heaven, the salt in the sea. She goes on: "Dragon in the new warm mountain / Didn't you believe in me?" The reference must have some personal significance for the narrator. Maybe she likened Indigo to the fiery, freeform molten lava that arises from the unseen depths to bring forth new life. Its potential is limitless. And yet, Indigo, didn't you believe in our potential?

"You held me the whole way through / When I couldn't say the words like you / I was scared Indigo but I wanted to / I was scared Indigo but I wanted to." This stanza is clutch. It's the sealed-off backroom into which we are not invited. "...but I want to / ...but I wanted to"––you wanted to what? The poet has spent much of the song telling us exactly what she wants and what she doesn't want. And yet, after this cryptic line––a line twice repeated because it's so important––she doesn't charity the audience with any explanation. 

Personally I think that, at this point, given all that's transpired, she wants to end her relationship with Indigo. She is scared to leave behind something so amazing and yet she knows that a break-up is for the best. And really, so does Indigo. It is Indigo who voices it first. But, as one may relate, even when you know what is best, still it might be difficult to say out loud. Instead, you'd rather voice what you wanted from the beginning: that is, to dwell in a place of simplicity, vulnerability, and trust.



All comments from YouTube:

Polyvinyl Records

this is so beautiful. i cried first thing this morning listening to it over and over again. anyone know lyrics?

Richard Trepsas

@marieke liebe Thanks so much, this song gets to me

Foil_Hat Fonzarelli

check the drop down menu

marieke liebe

@Taylor Hunter no worries, you are lucky to have found this music and Lenker, she's a treasure

Taylor Hunter

@marieke liebe totally get it! LOL I just discovered the song and trying to understand what the poem is talking about. Thank you for posting the lyrics because it added some details I hadn't picked up before

marieke liebe

@Taylor Hunter i hear red oak too! Probably should have proofread the lyrics, I just copied them from the internet lol

17 More Replies...

Nathan Strobel

“Sleep in your car while you’re driving” is the most perfectly beautiful, simple metaphor. You completely trust that person with your life even though they could end it an instant. When the relationship is ending, you’re always awake, always aware of any slight or deception, always arguing or “talking” about something, because that trust and love is gone.

I'm Dad

fuck dude ow

Honey Mayhem

Love this. So many beautiful deep thinkers commenting on this vid. ❤️❤️❤️

Joe Wellman

I don’t wanna be the owner of your fantasy. I just wanna be a part of your family.

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