David O'Doherty, Florence Falls: We need your help!

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Florence Falls
by David O'Doherty

Your ears would prick, your tail flick
As my key went in the door
I'd call your name, you'd start to growl
And move menacingly across the floor
And as you'd thundered down the stairs
Snarling angrily
I'd wonder why I liked you so much
And you always hated me

In the summer we'd go walking to the beach or to the park
You wouldn't like the route I took
So you'd refuse to walk and bark
In the winter you'd curl up by the fire at home
I'd go off to get your chew-chew
And then you'd eat my mobile phone

The first time that you nipped me
People said you were just young
And the second time it was the heat
And the third you were only having fun (ha ha ha ha ha)
And the fourth time I actually needed Tetnus
And you got neutered at the vet
She said that it would calm you down
And then you bit me on the leg

I remember one time at Christmas
When you opened all the stuff
I put you out into the garden
And you were frurious
You cried so much at this great injustice
I had to let you back in
And then you were good for an hour
Then you licked the turkey

Now the post remains uneaten
And the bin just stays standing up
Noone barks at aeroplanes
Or occansionly shits in my bed
Oh, Florence, there was nothing good about you
I can't think of anything
But I wish that you were still at home
Hateing me again

You were a rubbish dog
But a rubbish dog is better
Than no dog

Contributed by Jackson E. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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