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Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo
Early '50s recording by Cowboy Timmy Lyrics

We all know of Rudolph and his shiny nose
And we all know Frosty who's made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of... gay
'Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Small and brown he comes from you
Sit on the toilet here he comes
Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns

A present from down below
Spreading joy with a "Howdy-Ho!"
He's seen the love inside of you
'Cause he's a piece of poo

Sometimes he's nutty
Sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown
But if you eat fiber on Christmas eve
He might come to your town!

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
He loves me, I love you
Therefore, vicariously he loves you!

I can make a Mr. Hankey too! (Pffffft)

Well Kyle where is he?
Ehh . He's coming!
Come on dude, push!
Ehhhh... I'm Trying!
Wait, wait I can see his head!
Here he comes!

Howdy Ho!

I'm Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Seasons Greetings to all of you!
Let's sing songs and dance and play
Now before I melt away

Here's a game I like to play
Stick me in your mouth and try to say
Howdy ho ho yum yum yum
Christmas Time has come!

Sometimes He's runny
Sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he practically water
Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass
And wont fall in the toilet
'Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter
And he wont drop off and so you shake your ass around and try to get it to drop in the toilet and finally it does

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
When Christmas leaves he must leave too
Flush him down but he's never gone
His smell and his spirit linger on

Howdy Ho!


Contributed by Grayson W. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
To comment on specific lyrics, highlight them
Most interesting comment from YouTube:

Derrick Moriarty

49-Bobby & LaToya vs. Caroline & MichaelGreenTropics.png
-Opening Tossup: Crater Rangers
-Rounds: Mt. Blowafuse, Jungle Village
-Video Games: ActRaiser, El Viento, Thunder Spirits, Toki (Genesis), Robo Army
-Consolation Plugs: GaS-Kooshlings & BK RatchTech (shhh!)
-Bonus Round: Jungle Fever, Enchanted Flight, Scorchia
-Notes: Reran 3/23/96.
61-Anika & Patrick vs. Jennifer & ChristopherRedStripes.png
-Opening Tossup: Crater Rangers
-Rounds: Jungle Village, Mt. Blowafuse
-Video Games: ActRaiser, El Viento, Thunder Spirits, Toki (Genesis), Robo Army
-Consolation Plugs: 1992-Hershey's Syrup & BK Dymacel (original plugs, intact on Paramount+!)
-Bonus Round: Jungle Fever, Enchanted Flight, Scorchia
-Notes: Reran 4/27/96.
Opening Tossup: Crater RangersYELLOWGOLDPOCKETS
-Rounds: Mt. Blowafuse, Jungle Village
-Video Games: Super Ghouls & Ghosts, Chuck Rock, Addams Family, Green Dog, Monster in my Pocket
-Consolation Plugs: 1994-BK Rods/Dymacel & Melody Pops, GaS=Paramount+-Eat My Dust & Melody Pops
-Bonus Round: Haunted Museum, Sub Search, Merlock
-Notes: NEVER aired on Nick GaS! Reran 6/30/96.
84-Marc & Erin vs. Sarah & John
-Opening Tossup: Crater RangersPINKCHERRYICECREAM
-Rounds: Jungle Village, Mt. Blowafuse
-Video Games: Super R-Type, Atomic Runner, Gun-Nac, Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Beta!), Alpha Mission II
-Consolation Plugs: GaS-Ring Pop & Push Pop
-Bonus Round: Alien Moon Base, Sub Search, Merlock
-Notes: Copyright notice in credits switches back to โ€œยฉ 1992 NICKELODEONโ€ The credits list the wrong bonus round games! Reran 8/17/97.

All comments from YouTube:


The only acceptable christmas music in my house.

The Awake Christian

@coollm4 get outta here normie

The Awake Christian

Just monika


@Haley Goodwin emoji bad

Haley Goodwin

Ha! Ha! Lol ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜บ๐Ÿ˜ธ๐Ÿ˜น!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Ray

20 years later, I still celebrate with this CD

Mr. Ray

@Brandoify I gotta check your temp at the door and you need some hand sanitizer


Then allow me to celebrate with you.

Siri Hasting

Why isnยดt this available on Spotify anymore...? :(

Heavy Rain the Ire #BlueTeamForLife

It's available for me.

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