Sierra DeMulder Lyrics

Bex

on Staircase

Here are the lyrics: (I think)
Yesterday I saw a photo of my student on Facebook
She is smiling her cheeks two soft plums
she stands beside a man
I tell myself she looks happy
Unharmed
And yet how trustworthy is a photograph that cannot speak
Cannot show me where his hand is
My eyes blur
The image becomes a hum of a girl standing in the mouth of a bear
What a curse that poets can describe anything beautifully
I practiced what I will say to her in the mirror
Once that man and I lived in a staircase
Once I convinced myself it was a bomb shelter and the whole world a smoke ring
Once the worm of silence fell out of my mouth and burrowed into yours
I have seen that man twice in my life
The second time he found me in a bar filled with all our laughing friends
Eyes on their drinks and their soon to be lovers
No one noticed
When he slid like the closing of a zipper beside me
And said I'm sorry for what happened the last time I saw you
And I wonder
Does the fact that he apologized make it real undo the months of rechristening
How I gave each detail a new name
Drunk become well oiled,
Staircase became a bed of lilies,
Consent became my body does not have the most faithful memory
It will overexpose the photograph
Convince itself to roll over and play cutlet when offered a platter
My memory a picky eater
And what a curse that poets can describe anything beautifully
The cool lake of cement on my back
The hush hush of breath pawing my neck
I remember thinking
I know what this is
And I remember still saying nothing.
When the river swallowed another river
when the dog licked the spoon clean
When his body was both everywhere and only in one place
I do not want to describe this beautifully
But I do want to say that I brought my own body into that room with him
And came out with another one
And what does it mean that my first body went there willingly
That it cooed and plumed at his attention
And wished he would eat a bit
Until he did
And he did
And he did
And now he stands in this photo
Laughing so close to my student
I know they are touching my girl
Who is still a teenager
But already knows what it means to be made a confessional grown men crawl inside
Isn't it enough that we share poetry must we share violence too
I have seen that man twice in my life
The second time we share space
Share friends
And yes I can be in the same room as him
I can smile
Hug him
Ask after his family
And that is how strong women are
Women
And men
And children
And bodies who know the chariot betrayal rides on
The stampede of wild hands
Once my father was a stove my mother crawled inside
Once a male coworker folded me into a letter he promised to burn later
Once I tended my lovers fury like a wicked garden
I still pull weeds from my throat
Our ageless nack for accommodation
No she's fine
No I’m ok
But tell us how are you
Are you hungry
Cold
Let us draw you a bath of our welfare
Unbond our skin and cloak it over your shoulders
Call it a homecoming call me your mother
I'll make you dinner and then rock you to sleep
After all this is where you started
Some woman
Somewhere
Perhaps this is why you are constantly trying to return