An Irish Pub song
The Rumjacks Lyrics

There's a county map to go on the wall
A map of the county to hang on the wall as decoration

A hurling stick & a shinty ball
Sports equipment such as a hurling stick and shinty ball for patrons to use and play with

The bric, the brac, the craic and all
Various knick-knacks and miscellaneous items displayed around the pub, creating a lively and fun atmosphere

Let's call it an Irish pub
An establishment designed to recreate the ambiance of an Irish pub

Caffreys, Harp, Kilkenny on tap
A selection of popular Irish beers and ales available on tap

The Guinness pie and that cabbage crap
Typical Irish dishes like Guinness pie and cabbage served to give patrons a taste of traditional cuisine

The ideal wannabe Paddy trap
A pub designed to appeal to those who want to experience traditional Irish culture, even if it is not entirely authentic

We'll call it an Irish pub
The establishment will be named as an Irish pub for added appeal and authenticity

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book
An exclamation to indicate anger or frustration

The only craic you'll get is a slap in the ear
The only entertainment or enjoyment available here involves violence or unpleasantness

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug
Another angry exclamation aimed at someone's behavior in the pub

If you draw one more shamrock in me beer
If you continue to make false gestures aimed at seeming Irish, you will be punished

We'll raise the price o' beer a dollar
Increase the price of beer to make greater profit

We'll make 'em wear a shirt and collar
A dress code will be enforced to promote a certain image or clientele

We'll fly a bloody tri-color
The Irish flag will be flown, adding to the atmosphere of the pub

And call it an Irish pub
Name the establishment as an Irish pub for added authenticity

Jager bombs and double shots
Serving popular alcoholic drinks such as Jager bombs and double shots as a way to attract patrons

The underagers think it's tops
Underage patrons are drawn to the pub despite it being illegal for them to drink there

We'll spike the drinks and pay the cops
The pub will offer illegal substances in drinks and pay off the police to avoid punishment

We got us an Irish pub
The establishment has been designed as an authentic Irish pub

The quick one in the filthy bog
Enjoying a quick drink while using the restroom

The partin' glass across the lug
Hearing loss due to loud music and rowdy patrons

O' the lady-O, the dirty dog
Singing a bawdy song about a promiscuous woman

We got us an Irish pub
The establishment continues to be described as an authentic Irish pub

It's over to me and over to you
Taking turns buying rounds of drinks among friends

We'll skip along the Avenue
Walking down the street together while enjoying drinks and conversation

And who the hell is Ronnie Drew?
Jokingly asking who a highly regarded Irish musician is, as a way of acknowledging the culture

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book
Another angry exclamation, used in playful jest

The only craic you'll get is a slap in the ear
Continued violent behavior will not be tolerated

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug
Protesting bad behavior with humor and mild aggression

If you draw one more shamrock in me beer
Repeating the earlier threat with playful humor

Plasma screens and neon lights
Modern features such as multiple televisions and neon lights as decoration

Kara-farkin-oke nights
Karaoke nights offered as additional entertainment

The bouncers they can pick the fights
Security personnel are responsible for maintaining order at the pub

We'll call it an Irish pub
Despite the modern features and entertainment, the establishment continues to be named and marketed as an Irish pub

Plastic cups, a polished floor
Using non-traditional materials such as plastic cups and polished floors as part of the pub's design

We'll hose the blood right out the door
Violence is not uncommon in the pub, but staff quickly deal with it to maintain the ambiance

And let the knucklers back for more
Allowing rowdy patrons back into the pub after they have been ejected

We got us an Irish pub
Reiterating that despite the modern changes to the pub, it is still marketed as and named as an Irish pub

Oh top o' the mornin', Garryowen
Saying hello or good morning and acknowledging the Irish heritage of the pub

Kiss me I'm Irish, Molly Malone
Jokingly referencing the stereotypical image of Irish people and an Irish folk song character

Failte, Slainte, Pog ma thon
Traditional Irish greetings and cheers among patrons

We got us an Irish pub
Offering an authentic Irish experience despite some modern features and changes

Spike the punch and strip the willow
Dancing and enjoying drinks with friends to traditional Irish music

Strike me up the rakes o' Mallow
Requesting the musicians to play a particular Irish folk tune

The Liffey never ran so shallow
A joke about the Liffey River in Dublin being too shallow to support fish, indicating the pub's light-hearted atmosphere

We got us an Irish pub
Reiterating that the establishment is designed to be an authentic Irish pub experience, regardless of modern additions

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book
Ending the song with another playful exclamation to indicate fun and joking animosity

The only craic you'll get is a slap in the ear
A final warning that violence at the pub will not be tolerated

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug
A humorous and playful way to end the song, invoking a sense of camaraderie among pub-goers

If you draw one more shamrock in me beer
Final warning to anyone who might be misbehaving that they are on notice