Should Have Known Better
Sufjan Stevens Lyrics
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To see what I could see
My black shroud
Holding down my feelings
A pillar for my enemies
I should have wrote a letter
And grieve what I happen to grieve
My black shroud
I never trust my feelings
I waited for the remedy
When I was three, three maybe four
She left us at that video store
Oh, be my rest, be my fantasy
Oh, be my rest, be my fantasy
I'm light as a feather
I'm bright as the Oregon breeze
My black shroud
Frightened by my feelings
I only wanna be a relief
No, I'm not a go-getter
The demon had a spell on me
My black shroud
Captain of my feelings
The only thing I wanna believe
When I was three, and free to explore
I saw her face on the back of the door
Oh, be my rest, be my fantasy
Oh, be my rest, be my fantasy
I should have known better
Nothing can be changed
The past is still the past
The bridge to nowhere
I should have wrote a letter
Explaining what I feel, that empty feeling
Don't back down, concentrate on seeing
The breakers in the bar, the neighbor's greeting
My brother had a daughter
The beauty that she brings, illumination
Don't back down, there is nothing left
The breakers in the bar, no reason to live
I'm a fool in the fetter
Rose of Aaron's beard, where you can reach me
Don't back down, nothing can be changed
Cantilever bridge, the drunken sailor
My brother had a daughter
The beauty that she brings, illumination
Illumination
The lyrics of Sufjan Stevens's "Should Have Known Better" suggest a reflection and contemplation of the past. The first verse can be viewed as a self-criticism for not paying attention to what was in front of him. The line "My black shroud holding down my feelings, a pillar for my enemies" seems to imply that the singer used a dark cloak to suppress their emotions, making him susceptible to the negativity of others. The second verse references a memory of being left at a video store when the singer was young. The lines "be my rest, be my fantasy" are repeated twice, likely being a plea for a parent or loved one to take the child home and provide comfort, but they did not.
The third verse reveals the singer's current state, feeling light and bright but still held back by their emotions. The line "the demon had a spell on me" suggests that the dark cloak mentioned before represents a mental struggle or the influence of negative thoughts. The fourth verse returns to a childhood memory, but this time the singer saw the person he longed for on the back of the door. This could be seen as an extension of the same memory in verse two or a different instance where the person was absent, but still had a lingering presence. The final verse repeats phrases from the preceding verses but focuses on the path of acceptance and the inability to change the past.
Line by Line Meaning
I should have known better
I should have realized that things would not be so easy
To see what I could see
To understand the truth behind the facade
My black shroud
My grief and sadness that hold me down
Holding down my feelings
Preventing me from expressing my emotions
A pillar for my enemies
A sign of strength to those who wish me ill
I should have wrote a letter
I should have communicated my thoughts and feelings
And grieve what I happen to grieve
And mourn the loss that I feel
I never trust my feelings
I am unsure of my own emotions
I waited for the remedy
I waited for a solution to my problems
When I was three, three maybe four
When I was a child, too young to understand
She left us at that video store
My mother abandoned us in a moment we will never forget
Oh, be my rest, be my fantasy
Oh, let me find comfort and escape in my imagination
I'm light as a feather
I feel weightless and unburdened
I'm bright as the Oregon breeze
I feel radiant and alive
Frightened by my feelings
Scared of the intensity of my emotions
I only wanna be a relief
I just want to make things feel better
No, I'm not a go-getter
No, I am not an ambitious person
The demon had a spell on me
I was under the influence of something malicious
Captain of my feelings
In control of my own emotions
The only thing I wanna believe
The only truth that I truly cling to
When I was three, and free to explore
When I was young and had the freedom to wander
I saw her face on the back of the door
I caught a glimpse of my mother's face in the corner of my eye
Nothing can be changed
I cannot alter what has already happened
The past is still the past
My history will always be a part of me
The bridge to nowhere
The path that leads to no destination
Explaining what I feel, that empty feeling
Sharing the hollowness of my emotions
Don't back down, concentrate on seeing
Don't give up, focus on understanding
The breakers in the bar, the neighbor's greeting
The sound of the ocean, the warmth of community
My brother had a daughter
My family has experienced new life and joy
The beauty that she brings, illumination
The radiance and insight that she provides
I'm a fool in the fetter
I am trapped in my own foolishness
Rose of Aaron's beard, where you can reach me
A symbolic location where I can be found and reached
Don't back down, nothing can be changed
Don't give up, even though I cannot change the past
Cantilever bridge, the drunken sailor
A structure that seems unstable and the reckless people on it
The beauty that she brings, illumination
The light and insight that new life brings
Lyrics © BMG Rights Management
Written by: Sufjan Stevens
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
@ellen5603
Carrie and Lowell is one of those albums that's rare today, a true album that is more than the sum of its parts. Sufjan has created a cohesive work with a consistent theme, more than just a collection of beautiful songs but rather all variations of his theme of loss and grief. The songs are meant to be listened to one after another, not separately. This is a true work of art and I only wish I owned it on vinyl.
And yes, any of us who have lost someone close to us knows the feeling of not knowing how to grieve. I still can't do it after my husband's death or my sister's death. Maybe some day.
I should have wrote a letter
And grieve what I happen to grieve
My black shroud
I never trust my feelings
I waited for the remedy
@heathertaylor8904
As a mom who left my kids with my mother in law due to mental illness after their father passed.. I have no doubt she loved and loves you so very deeply. I believed all this time that they would be better off forgetting I ever existed. I felt like a garbage human because I struggle with something as simple as everyday function; some days getting out of bed seems to much. I felt I would steal their happiness from them. I didn't feel I deserved to be in their life.
I regret it with every breath I take. The pain never really stops... I know your mom didn't go a day or an hour without thinking of you. I wish I could hug you. Please remember she was human and therefore terribly flawed like we all are. My father left me behind the same when I was little, and as I got to know him as an adult, I realized he struggled with alcoholism and feelings of depression and worthlessness, too. I wish I could take the pain away from you. I wish I could take it away from my babies. They are everything, everything... everything to me. I'm sure that's not easy to believe. But I've never known a moments peace since I lost them. I wake up in a cold sweat, my heart breaking, wishing I could just hold them, and take it all away.
I have a phrase that's gotten me through some of the most difficult times in my life, I thought you'd like to hear it.
"Perfer et obdura, dolor hic tibi proderit olim" --Ovid
It means, Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you. And it will be. You will love more deeply. You will be more empathetic. You will see others suffering, and you'll be better at easing it. It's a small consolation, to be sure. But there's a silver lining to even the worst things.
Be at peace. I wish you all the happiness and kindness in the world. You should never have had to feel this way, but please remember, you were likely loved more than you can imagine.
@dilarafuego9241
Lyrics
I should have known better
To see what I could see
My black shroud
Holding down my feelings
A pillar for my enemies
I should have wrote a letter
And grieve what I happen to grieve
My black shroud
I never trust my feelings
I waited for the remedy
When I was three, three maybe four
She left us at that video store
Be my rest, be my fantasy
Be my rest, be my fantasy
I’m light as a feather
I’m bright as the Oregon breeze
My black shroud
Frightened by my feelings
I only wanna be a relief
No, I’m not a go-getter
The demon had a spell on me
My black shroud
Captain of my feelings
The only thing I wanna believe
When I was three, and free to explore
I saw her face on the back of the door
Be my rest, be my fantasy
Be my rest, be my fantasy
I should have known better
Nothing can be changed
The past is still the past
The bridge to nowhere
I should have wrote a letter
Explaining what I feel, that empty feeling
Don’t back down, concentrate on seeing
The breakers in the bar, the neighbor’s greeting
My brother had a daughter
The beauty that she brings, illumination
Don’t back down, there is nothing left
The breakers in the bar, no reason to live
I’m a fool in the fetter
Rose of Aaron’s beard, where you can reach me
Don’t back down, nothing can be changed
Cantilever bridge, the drunken sailor
My brother had a daughter
The beauty that she brings, illumination
@daviddeanburkhart
The beauty that this music brings, illumination.
@gageisugly
David Dean Burkhart hiiiii david
@adelinapetruta2396
Helloo
@didierbizimana2759
Well said. It's exactly that
@sofiaaaaa888
Hey David ❤️
@netele
stop giving us hope asshole
@kinz784
The feeling where you wanna share his music but you kinda wanna keep it to yourself
@somerandombede
OMG TRUE
@melissas7821
So true!
@glynkeegan306
I just sent the link to a friend