The T
Alaska Thunderfuck Lyrics

My name is Alaska Thunderfuck and I have something to say
I am Alaska Thunderfuck and I want to share my thoughts

I like black tea, I like black D
I enjoy drinking black tea and black dick

I never touched Tina, and that's the T
I have never used or done anything related to Tina (i.e. methamphetamine), and that's the truth

I know I'm what's the T, I said that I don't drink
I'm aware that people are curious about me and rumors circulate, but I already said that I don't drink alcohol

So you bitches probably don't even know what to think
You might be confused and unsure about me

When you see me in the club gettin' crunk
When you see me partying and having fun in the club

Acting stupid, getting drunk
Behaving recklessly and drinking excessively

I got a hundred problems, drinkin' ain't one
I have many issues and challenges, but drinking is not one of them

I tried to quit drinking but it's too much fun
I attempted to stop drinking, but it's too enjoyable for me

I keep it cute and I act my age
I maintain an attractive and youthful demeanor

And you're never ever gonna see me drunk on stage
I won't be drunk during my performances

It's a new dawn, it's a new age
It's a new time and era

Metallica, turn the page
A reference to the Metallica song 'Turn the Page'

Chun Li; Streets of Rage
A reference to the video game characters Chun Li and Streets of Rage

I smashed some pumpkins, rat in a cage
A reference to the band Smashing Pumpkins and their song 'Bullet with Butterfly Wings'

Let's pay women an equal wage
We should treat women fairly and pay them the same wages as men

No seriously
I'm not joking

What the fuck
An expression of surprise or confusion

Now let's talk about my exes
I want to discuss my past romantic partners

I cheated on Sharon with a guy in Texas
I was unfaithful to my ex-partner Sharon with someone in Texas

I'm just kidding he was really in Florida
I'm not being serious, he was in Florida instead

But what the fuck fucking rhymes with Florida?
I can't think of any good rhymes for Florida

We were good together but we're better apart
Although we had a good relationship, we're better off apart

And I learned a lot from that broken heart
I gained valuable lessons from that heartbreak

Sharon and Chad, I'm happy for you
I'm glad that my ex-partners Sharon and Chad are happy

Cerrone the Cat I fucking miss you boo
I really miss my cat Cerrone

Now every breakup turned out so well
All of my breakups ended up turning out positively

I put a lot of really nice guys through some fucked up hell
I caused a lot of pain and turmoil for some genuinely good guys

But then there was this one guy
But there was one particular person

Girl
Slang used to express surprise or shock

And if you have Reddit, you probably know all about this already
If you frequent Reddit, you are likely already familiar with what I am referring to

This psycho ex got heavy handed
My crazy ex became aggressive and violent

Tried to Death Star my whole fucking planet
Tried to destroy my entire world

Talkin' shit, droppin' names
Saying negative things and revealing personal information

Screen cappin', playin' games
Taking screenshots and playing manipulative games

I've had it, officially!
I'm fed up and can't take it anymore

The bitch tried to really really come for me!
My ex intentionally and aggressively came after me

He crossed me like the River Styx
He betrayed me deeply, akin to crossing the River Styx

But the sex was good 'cause I like small dicks
Although he hurt me, I can't deny that the sex was good as I prefer smaller penises

I'm not mad, I'm not pressed
I'm not angry or bothered

The money's on the dresser, get dressed
I've paid you, now leave

To the twunk ass messes in the meet and greet
Referring to the unruly and unkempt fans at a meet and greet

Tryna treat a Ru Girl like a piece of meat, ow!
Treating me like an object instead of a person

You're spillin' my dress bitch!
You're making a mess and ruining my outfit

You think you're a fan, but you're only a mess, bitch!
You believe yourself to be a fan, but you're just a hot mess

Real fans? I fucking love you
To the true fans, I really appreciate and love you

I'd lay myself down on the train tracks for you
I would do anything for my dedicated fans

In fact, I made this fucking record for you
I created this song specifically for my fans

Call me Delano, 'cause I Adore you (Oh)
A play on words: referring to Adore Delano, but also expressing how much I adore my fans

Yeah, you (yeah)
I'm talking to you

Specifically (oh)
I'm being clear and specific

The AAA Girls went bankrupt morally
The AAA Girls (Alaska, Willam, and Courtney Act) have compromised their moral values

Willam met some models and serviced them orally
Willam had sexual encounters with models and performed oral sex on them

He's probably on his way to replace us quick
Willam is likely looking for new people to work with, replacing us easily

Just like he fucking did to Detox and Vic
Willam previously cut ties with Detox and Vicky Vox in a similar manner

Michelle always told me not to fuck with cliques
Michelle Visage advised me to avoid exclusive social groups

Michelle always told me not to fuck with cliques!
Repeating the previous line for emphasis

Oh, yeah, that reminds me about that thing
Oh, yes, that reminds me of that topic

The secret I've been hiding like a ding-a-ling
The personal information I've been keeping to myself and concealing

I did some challenges, I won a few
I participated in some challenges and successfully won some of them

Oh, yeah, that's a thing called All Stars 2
Referring to my appearance on RuPaul's Drag Race: All Stars 2

I can't blame you Adore
I don't hold it against Adore Delano

They went in really harsh that first day
The judges were very critical during the first episode

And if it had been me in your position, who knows?
If I were in Adore's shoes, I might have reacted similarly

I might've done the same thing
I may have also quit the competition like Adore did

I'm just lucky, I guess, I feel blessed, but I'm stressed
I consider myself fortunate, but I still feel anxious and pressured

I wanna be the best, I just wanna be the best
I aspire to be the greatest and achieve the highest success

A hundred thousand dollars, it ain't that much
Although it's a substantial amount, it's not an exorbitant sum

To fuck up your mind and all your friends that you trust
But the pressure and competition can negatively affect your mental health and relationships

I'm sorry Coco, I'm sorry Tatianna
Apologizing to my fellow Drag Race competitors Coco Montrese and Tatianna

I'm sorry mom, I wanna smoke some marijuana
I want to smoke marijuana, and I apologize to my mother for saying it

And move on, 'cause it's all just a game
But ultimately, I need to let it go since it's just a competition

And it is what it is at the end of the day
Ultimately, the reality is what it is and can't be changed