The Competition
Kimya Dawson Lyrics

I never wanted to be better than my friends
I never wanted to outdo my friends in life

I just wanted to prove wrong the people in my head
I aimed to silence the voices in my head that made me feel worthless

The ones who told me I'd be better of dead
The voices that drove me to believe that death was the better option

The ones who told me that I would never win
The voices that made me believe that I was destined to fail

When I delivered newspapers they said I was too slow
At my job as a newspaper delivery person, I was told that I was too slow

When I was a barista they said I made lousy foam
As a barista, I was told that my foam-making skills were not up to par

When I worked in retail they said I was a slob
While working in retail, I was told that I was a messy worker

Much too dumb for school and much too lazy for a job
The voices in my head convinced me that I was not smart enough for education or hard-working enough for a job

So I rode my bike like lightning
I aimed to be an expert in bike-riding and went as fast as I could

And I made cappuccinos that would make the angels sing
I focused on perfecting my cappuccino-making skills to the point of impressing even heavenly beings

Took two showers a day and I dressed up like a princess
I made sure to look my best at all times, showering twice a day and dressing up regally

Shook my fist in my own face and said I'll show you who's the best
I was determined to prove the voices in my head wrong by showing off my abilities

I wrote the kinds of papers teachers hang up on their walls
I wrote essays that teachers admired enough to display in their classrooms

I was employee of the month at seven different shopping malls
I strived to be the best employee and won the Employee of the Month award at seven different malls

And one time playing football I pulled the tendons in my leg
While playing football, I injured my leg's tendons

To prove that I was tough I hopped on one foot
Despite the injury, I refused to let it stop me and hopped on one foot to persevere

And finished up the game
I continued playing until the game ended

I thought if I succeeded I'd be happy and they'd go away
I believed that my success would make the negative voices disappear and bring me happiness

But first thing in the morning I'd still wake up and I'd hear them say
However, the voices would still haunt me, even when I woke up in the morning

"You're fat, ugly, and stupid, you should really be ashamed
The voices would criticize and belittle me, calling me fat, ugly, and stupid, and making me feel ashamed

No one will ever like you you're not good at anything"
They would convince me that I was not capable of being liked by anyone, and that I had no skills or talents

And sometimes I'd rise to the challenge
At times, I would fight back and overcome the voices' negative influence

But other times I'd feel so bad that I could not get out of bed
Sometimes, the voices would make me feel so awful that I couldn't even get out of bed

And on the days I stayed in bed I sang and sang and sang
I coped with my sadness and despair by singing while confined to my bed

About how crappy I felt no realizing how many other people would relate
I wrote and sang about my negative experiences not realizing how many others would empathize and find solace in my work

Now people send me emails that say thanks for saying the things they didn't know how to say
I now receive messages from people who thank me for putting into words what they were unable to express

And the people in my head still visit me sometimes
Despite my recent success, the negative voices still occasionally resurface

And they bring all of their friends but I don't mind
The voices bring along their companions, but I am no longer bothered by their presence

I play my guitar like lightning
I continue to showcase my skills in music, playing fast and passionately

When I sing I like it when you sing too loud and clear
During my performances, I appreciate it when my audience also sings joyfully and wholeheartedly

Different voices different tones all sayin' "yeah, we're not alone"
My audience is diverse but united in their shared experiences and feelings

I got good at feeling bad and that's why I'm still here
I have learned to cope with negative thoughts and emotions, which has helped me persevere

I got good at feeling bad and that's why I'm still here
Despite the negativity, I continue to create and connect with others, using my experiences to inspire and help those who may feel similarly

I got good at feeling bad and that's why I'm still here
My suffering has taught me to be strong and resilient, which has allowed me to continue to make a positive impact in the world