The Real Slim Shady
Eminem Lyrics

May I have your attention, please?
I kindly request your undivided attention.

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Is there a genuine Slim Shady among us who can reveal themselves?

We're gonna have a problem here
There will be a significant issue arising.

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
All of you are reacting as if you have never encountered a caucasian individual previously.

Jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the door
Their mouths drop open in astonishment, reminiscent of a scene from a sitcom where unexpected events occur.

And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
Engaging in physical violence with greater intensity than during their previous altercation.

They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (ah)
They were initially separated, flinging each other across the room and causing chaos.

It's the return of the 'ah, wait, no way, you're kidding
Here comes the comeback of the 'ah, hold on, this can't be true, are you joking'

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?'
Did he really utter the statement that I believe he did?

And Dr. Dre said, nothing, you idiots
Dr. Dre remained silent, addressing those foolish individuals.

Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha)
Dr. Dre is deceased and confined within the confines of my underground storage area.

Feminist women love Eminem
Females advocating for gender equality admire Eminem.

'Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Uttering the sounds 'chicka, chicka, chicka' before addressing their frustration with Slim Shady.

Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what
Observe his behavior, as he moves about while clutching his genitalia.

Flippin' the you-know-who'
Manipulating or disrespecting an individual whose name we are hesitant to mention.

'Yeah, but he's so cute though'
Despite the criticisms, some find him physically attractive.

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
Admittedly, there may be a few mental instabilities within my mind.

But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms
Yet, the disturbances within my thoughts are no more severe than the actions occurring in your parents' private quarters.

Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose
Occasionally, I desire to appear on television and unleash my true self without any restraints.

But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
Nevertheless, it is deemed acceptable for Tom Green to engage in sexual acts with a deceased moose.

'My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips'
My buttocks are in contact with your mouth.

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
If I am fortunate, you may even press your lips against my posterior.

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
This is the communication we impart to young children.

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
And we anticipate that they will remain ignorant regarding the female sexual organ.

Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is
Naturally, they will become aware of the meaning of sexual intercourse.

By the time they hit fourth grade
By the time they reach fourth grade in their education.

They've got the Discovery Channel, don't they?
Surely, they have access to the Discovery Channel, do they not?

We ain't nothin' but mammals, well, some of us, cannibals
We are merely creatures of the animal kingdom, and some of us even resort to cannibalism.

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
Those who mercilessly slash fellow individuals open as though they were slicing through cantaloupes.

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Yet, if we are capable of engaging in sexual activities with lifeless creatures and antelopes.

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
Thus, there is no valid argument against the idea of two men entering a legally-binding marital union.

But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
However, if you share the sentiment that I do, then I possess the solution for you.

Women, wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goes
Ladies, raise your pantyhose and melodiously repeat the chorus as follows

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
I am Slim Shady, indeed, I am the authentic Slim Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
All individuals purporting to be Slim Shady are merely copying

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Therefore, would the genuine Slim Shady please rise

Please stand up, please stand up?
I implore you to stand, I request your upright position.

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
Because I am Slim Shady, undoubtedly, I am the original Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
The rest of you claiming to be Slim Shady are merely attempting to replicate

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Therefore, would the authentic Slim Shady please rise

Please stand up, please stand up?
I entreat you to stand, I plead for your upright position.

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
Will Smith does not need to utilize profanity within his musical verses to achieve commercial success.

Well, I do, so fuck him and fuck you too
However, I, on the other hand, employ vulgar language, therefore, disregard Will Smith as well as yourself.

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Do you genuinely believe I care about receiving a Grammy Award?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
A significant portion of the critics find it difficult to tolerate me, let alone support or appreciate me.

'But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?'
'But Slim, what if you were to emerge victorious, would it not be peculiar?'

Why, so you guys could just lie to get me here?
To what end? So all of you can fabricate stories to ensure my presence in this context?

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears?
In order to place me in close proximity to Britney Spears?

Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
Damn it, Christina Aguilera should rearrange her seating arrangements to accommodate my presence.

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
Enabling me to occupy a seat adjacent to Carson Daly and Fred Durst.

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
Allowing me to overhear their debate regarding who was the first recipient of her oral gratification.

Little bitch put me on blast on MTV
A certain brash individual publicly criticized me on MTV.

'Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee'
The person deemed me physically attractive but mentioned my marital connection with Kim, expressing amusement through laughter.

I should download her audio on MP3
I ought to acquire and store her audio content in the MP3 format.

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD (ah)
Subsequently, I shall disclose to the entire world how you transmitted a venereal disease to me.

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups
I have grown exceedingly tired of these insignificant young musical collectives.

All you do is annoy me, so I have been sent here to destroy you
You solely agitate me, therefore my purpose is to obliterate your existence.

And there's a million of us just like me
Moreover, there exists a large multitude identical to myself.

Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me
Individuals who employ vulgar language akin to myself, demonstrating a carefree attitude like I possess

Who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me
Others who dress, walk, converse, and behave in a manner synonymous to my own.

And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me
Who possibly have potential, yet they fail to measure up to the quality of my persona.

I'm like a head trip to listen to, 'cause I'm only givin' you
My music provides an unconventional experience for listeners since I bestow upon them

Things you joke about with your friends inside your livin' room
Subjects that you jest about with your companions in the comfort of your own living space.

The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all
However, the sole distinction lies in my courage to verbalize these matters in your presence.

And I don't gotta be false or sugarcoat it at all
Furthermore, I am not obligated to fabricate or excessively soften the impact of my words.

I just get on the mic and spit it
I simply grab the microphone and convey my thoughts passionately.

And whether you like to admit it, I just shit it
Whether or not you wish to acknowledge it, I possess exceptional skill in delivering provocative and impactful lyrics.

Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
I surpass the capabilities of the majority of rappers out there.

Then you wonder, 'how can
Consequently, you become perplexed and ask the question, 'how is it possible'

Kids eat up these albums like Valiums?'
That youngsters consume my albums avidly, similar to the manner in which Valium pills are ingested?

It's funny, 'cause at the rate I'm going, when I'm thirty
This is ironic, as based on my current trajectory, by the time I reach the age of thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
I will likely be the sole individual within a retirement facility engaging in flirtatious behavior.

Pinching nurse's asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens
I shall be teasing the buttocks of the nurses while pleasuring myself with the aid of Jergens lotion.

And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
Despite my efforts, I am unable to achieve a satisfactory erection, even with the assistance of an entire container of Viagra.

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking
Moreover, each and every individual embodies a hidden aspect of Slim Shady within themselves.

He could be working at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings
One of these individuals may be employed at Burger King, deliberately contaminating your onion rings with saliva.

Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming, 'I don't give a fuck'
Alternatively, they may be found traversing the parking lot, repeatedly driving in circles, while fervently shouting that they do not care about anything.

With his windows down and his system up
As his automobile windows are lowered and his sound system volume is increased to maximum levels.

So will the real Shady please stand up
Therefore, I implore the genuine Shady to rise from their seat.

And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
While simultaneously raising one middle finger of each hand in the air?

And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
Embrace the fact that you are mentally unhinged and exhibit reckless behavior.

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
And once more, as loudly as you can, let me hear you chant the following phrase.

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
I am Slim Shady, indeed, I am the genuine Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
All individuals purporting to be Slim Shady are merely attempting to replicate

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Therefore, would the authentic Slim Shady please rise

Please stand up, please stand up?
I implore you to stand, I request your upright position.

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
Because I am Slim Shady, undoubtedly, I am the original Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
The rest of you claiming to be Slim Shady are merely attempting to replicate

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Therefore, would the authentic Slim Shady please rise

Please stand up, please stand up?
I entreat you to stand, I plead for your upright position.

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
Because I am Slim Shady, undoubtedly, I am the original Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
The rest of you claiming to be Slim Shady are merely attempting to replicate

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Therefore, would the authentic Slim Shady please rise

Please stand up, please stand up?
I implore you to stand, I request your upright position.

Ha ha, I guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Ha ha, it seems that within each one of us resides a version of Slim Shady.

Fuck it, let's all stand up
Nevermind, let's all rise together.