The Crab-Grass Baby
Frank Zappa Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Chuck Wild (piano)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Jay Anderson (string bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Terry Bozzio (vocals)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)
CRAB-GRASS BABY:
Stroke me pompadour, pompaduooor, pompaduooor, pompaduooor. Stroke me pompadour, father. Stroke it nicely while I tell you about the problems I am having with my car an my girlfriend. Ooo-wo-woo, the white man's burden!
Her and her girlfriend used to go out and booze it up and tear up the upholstery; rip the seats completely out, and so I got a fifty-six Olds. About the time I got it running decently, she got in it and wrecked the trans...tore it completely up, so I had to get another Oldsmobile (either that or go to Tijuana or go to BROWN MOSES way down in Egypt-Land). It's so hard on a child when his car is fucked up. Buy me a Volvo, faaather.
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
Isn't it terrific, artificial RHONDA!
CRAB-GRASS BABY:
One-Adam-Twelve...see the enormous white pompadour! Ha-Ha-ha-ho! That's a good one! Hoo-hoo-hoo.
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
He's so young, and yet, SO WISE!
CRAB-GRASS BABY:
I pooped my pants, pooped my pants, pooped my pants! I went doody, faaather, sob-sob-sob-sob-sob.
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
His vocabulary is astonishing!
CRAB-GRASS BABY:
So what if you suck a little cock every once in a while?
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
Ohhh...I'm so lucky to have a son like this...
CRAB-GRASS BABY:
Barf me out...gag me with a Volvo!
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
I can't wait to show him to all the fellas down at the MINE-SHAFT!
CRAB-GRASS BABY:
Take me to the movies. Buy me a balloon. Stroke me pompadour!
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
Look! Look! Look at the pecker on him, wouldja! Goodjy-goodjy-goodjy-goo! Hoo hoo hoo!
THING-FISH:
Dis boy have a 'PROVLEM'! However, how 'bout a nice round of applause fo de three 'WISE MAMMIES', comin' atcha outa chute numba five!
The Crab-Grass Baby is a bizarre and absurd song by Frank Zappa that satirizes the white man's burden, a concept that was used to justify Western colonialism and imperialism in the past. The song starts with the persona, the Crab-Grass Baby, asking his father to stroke his pompadour while he complains about the problems in his life, which include his girlfriend wrecking his car and breaking up with him. He then asks his father to buy him a Volvo as he sings in a melancholic tone about how hard it is for a child when his car is messed up.
In the next verse, Harry, who is either the father or another character, comments on the Crab-Grass Baby's wit and intelligence, fawning over his son's poetics and vocabulary. The Crab-Grass Baby continues to spout absurd phrases such as, "so what if you suck a little cock every once in a while?" and "barf me out...gag me with a Volvo!" Harry is then heard raving about his son's pecker, while Thing-Fish, another character in the song, comments on the Crab-Grass Baby's issues.
The song is an example of Zappa's use of absurdist humor to critique societal structures and politics. The lyrics may seem nonsensical at first, but upon closer inspection, they reveal a scathing commentary on the ridiculousness of the white man's burden and the ways in which society obsesses over material possessions.
Line by Line Meaning
Stroke me pompadour, pompaduooor, pompaduooor, pompaduooor.
Please comb my hair father.
Her and her girlfriend used to go out and booze it up and tear up the upholstery; rip the seats completely out, and so I got a fifty-six Olds.
My girlfriend and her friends got drunk and tore up the car seats, so I bought a 1956 Oldsmobile in decent condition.
About the time I got it running decently, she got in it and wrecked the trans...tore it completely up, so I had to get another Oldsmobile (either that or go to Tijuana or go to BROWN MOSES way down in Egypt-Land).
Just when I fixed it up, she broke the transmission and destroyed the car, so I had to buy another Oldsmobile or go to places like Tijuana, or Brown Moses down in Egypt-Land.
It's so hard on a child when his car is fucked up. Buy me a Volvo, faaather.
It's difficult for a person when their car is ruined. Please, father, buy me a Volvo.
One-Adam-Twelve...see the enormous white pompadour! Ha-Ha-ha-ho! That's a good one! Hoo-hoo-hoo.
I'm joking about my bigger hair. It's Amusing.
I pooped my pants, pooped my pants, pooped my pants! I went doody, faaather, sob-sob-sob-sob-sob.
I made a mess in my pants, please help me.
So what if you suck a little cock every once in a while?
Who cares if someone likes to engage in a little oral sex from time to time?
Barf me out...gag me with a Volvo!
How disgusting.
Take me to the movies. Buy me a balloon. Stroke me pompadour!
Please take me to the movies, buy me a balloon, and comb my hair.
Contributed by Daniel N. Suggest a correction in the comments below.