I hurt myself today
I inflicted physical pain on my own body intentionally and deliberately.

To see if I still feel
I wanted to test that I was still capable of experiencing emotions by causing myself physical discomfort.

I focus on the pain
Instead of avoiding pain, I am directing my attention towards it.

The only thing that's real
I am convinced the pain is the only aspect of my existence that is valid and genuine.

The needle tears a hole
The needle used for injecting drugs has the power to make me feel invulnerable but it comes with a price.

The old familiar sting
Even though it is not the first time I've experienced it, the pain caused by the needle still hurts intensely.

Try to kill it all away
I try to get rid of my emotional turmoil through self-destructive consumption of drugs.

But I remember everything
Despite my attempts to forget, I am fully aware of the consequences of my actions and the pain that they bring.

What have I become
I feel as if I have transformed into an unrecognizable and desolate person.

My sweetest friend?
The voice in my head that is asking me this question may be my own or it may be someone who is extremely close to me.

Everyone I know
Every person who is close to me or who used to be a part of my life has left and moved on.

Goes away in the end
No matter how much I want them to stay, everyone in my life inevitably moves on and leaves me behind.

And you could have it all
Despite being surrounded by disappointment and being painfully isolated, I have several material things that I could offer someone.

My empire of dirt
Despite all the material things I have, I am conscious of my own failure and I realize that it is what remains.

I will let you down
I am informing the other person that they should not rely on me and that I will disappoint them.

I will make you hurt
Not only will I let the other person down, but I will also cause them emotional pain.

I wear this crown of thorns
I have taken ownership of the emotional and psychological burden that I carry, which is exemplified by imagery from the Christian belief system.

Upon my liar's chair
I hold responsibility for my own situation, even though I might be dishonest about it, and it feels like I am sitting on a throne of lies.

Full of broken thoughts
My mind is full of erratic and broken thoughts that are a reflection of my emotional and psychological state.

I cannot repair
I am unable to fix myself and my thoughts, which leads to a feeling of helplessness.

Beneath the stains of time
My memories and feelings have been eroded over time.

The feelings disappear
As time goes on, I become less capable of feeling emotions and the ones I have fade away.

You are someone else
Because of my detachment from my emotions, I feel as if I have become a different person, and I can't emotionally connect to others.

I am still right here
Even though I feel changed and vacant, I am still physically present in the world.

If I could start again
I experience regret and wish I could begin anew.

A million miles away
This rhetorical distance is likely impossible to achieve, but it is a way to express how much I want to forget my past.

I will keep myself
This time, I will not allow myself to crumble and fall to temptation. I will take care of myself.

I would find a way
Despite it being difficult or unlikely, I am determined to find a way to rebuild myself.