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Old Fart at Play
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band Lyrics


Pappy with the Khaki sweatband
Bowed goat potbellied barnyard
That only he noticed
The old fart was smart
The old gold cloth madonna
Dancin' t' the fiddle 'n saw
He ran down behind the knoll
'n slipped on his wooden fishhead
The mouth worked 'n snapped all the bees

Back t' the bungalow
Momma was flatten 'n lard
With her red enamel rollin' pen
When the fishhead broke the window
Rubber eye erect 'n precisely detailed
Airholes from which breath should come
Is now closely fit
With the chatter of the old fart inside

An assortment of observations took place
Momma licked 'er lips like uh cat
Pecked the ground like uh rooster
Pivoted like uh duck
Her stockings down caught dust 'n doughballs
She cracked 'er mouth glaze caught one eyelash
Rubbed 'er hands on 'er gorgeous gingham
Her hand grasped sticky metal intricate latchwork
Open t' the room uh smell cold mixed with bologna
Rubber bands crumpled wax paper bonnets
Fat goose legs 'n special jellies
Ignited by the warmth of the room
The old fart smelled this thru his important breather holes
Cleverly he dialed from within from the outside we observed
That the nose of the wooden mask
Where the holes had just been uh moment ago
Was now smooth amazingly blended camouflaged in
With the very intricate rainbow trout replica

The old fart inside was now breathin' freely
From his perfume bottle atomizer air bulb invention
His excited eyes from within the dark interior glazed
Watered in appreciation of his thoughtful preparation

Oh man, that's so heavy.

Contributed by Leah N. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
To comment on specific lyrics, highlight them
Most interesting comments from YouTube:

Elas Mobranch

Pappy with the Khaki sweatband
Bowed goat potbellied barnyard that only he noticed
The old fart was smart
The old gold cloth madonna
Dancin’ t’ the fiddle ‘n saw
He ran down behind the knoll
‘n slipped on his wooden fishhead
The mouth worked ‘n snapped all the bees
Back t’ the bungalow
Momma was flatten’n lard
With her red enamel rollin’ pin
When the fishhead broke the window
Rubber eye erect ‘n precisely detailed
Airholes from which breath should come
Is now closely fit
With the chatter of the old fart inside
An assortment of observations took place
Momma licked ‘er lips like uh cat
Pecked the ground like uh rooster
Pivoted like uh duck
Her stockings down caught dust ‘n doughballs
She cracked ‘er mouth glaze caught one eyelash
Rubbed ‘er hands on ‘er gorgeous gingham
Her hand grasped sticky metal intricate latchwork
Open t’ the room uh smell cold mixed with bologna
Rubber bands crumpled wax paper bonnets
Fat goose legs ‘n special jellies
Ignited by the warmth of the room
The old fart smelled this thru his important breather holes
Cleverly he dialed from within from the outside we observed
That the nose of the wooden mask
Where the holes had just been uh moment ago
Was now smooth amazingly blended camouflaged in
With the very intricate rainbow trout replica
The old fart inside was now breathin’ freely
From his perfume bottle atomizer air bulb invention
His excited eyes from within the dark interior glazed;
watered in appreciation of his thoughtful preparation.
(1969)



aakkoin

kick ass poetry




edit: the end I can recite almost exactly from memory

Cleverly he dialed from within
from the outside we observed
That the nose of the wooden mask
Where the holes had just been uh moment ago
Was now smooth amazingly blended camouflaged in with the very intricate rainbow trout replica
The old fart inside was now breathin’ freely
From his perfume bottle atomizer air bulb invention


His excited eyes from within the dark interior glazed;
watered in appreciation
of his thoughtful preparation.


...oh man that's so heavy



All comments from YouTube:

alvin huntsman III

A friend of mine and I would stand and recite this everyday before High School Modern Poetry Class began, in the early 70's

Dan G

Needless to say, virgins.

aakkoin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_uHgLwMvsQ this part? :D i recited it to youtube

Grimosaur

alvin huntsman III Scroll down and you'll see him.

E.PLUMBUS UNUM

Back when I was in grade school in the early 70's my best friend and I had memorized this entire piece and would recite it on the way home from school.  Naturally, none of our peers had any idea what we were saying.  They were too preoccupied with Three Dog Night and all that other stuff of the time.

Conrad Sabatier

Oh, I meant to mention too that when they were taking suggestions for the theme of the Junior Prom, I nominated "Who Needs The Peace Corps?" (I had no intention of attending the stupid thing anyway). 😊

Conrad Sabatier

@Samandor Oh, absolutely! I still love that early Mothers stuff, and Beefheart, too! It wasn't until some years later that I learned who Zappa counted amongst his influences: from Stravinsky (whom he quoted from directly on the "Absolutely Free" album, referencing "Petrouchka", "The Firebird" and "The Rite of Spring") all the way to Stockhausen, a real revelation when I discovered this! Certainly expanded my musical horizons! 😊
And yes, I bemoan the arrival of this modern era of artificial music and second-rate "artists" (we gotta find another term to use when speaking of The Autotune Generation™, I tell ya!). Fie on them all!

Samandor

Conrad Sabatier Yeah, but in retrospect, aren’t those Zappa and Beefheart tunes still pretty cool, for their deconstruction and reconstruction of various elements of music? If it weren’t for FZ and Beefheart, I’d likely never have learned about guys like Nancarrow and Partch - who have their own musical statements to make. Meanwhile, music today is driven by tits, winkles, and vibraphones (to borrow from Monty Python) - and autotune. Cher really let the autotune genie out of the bottle, and it has become the most overused effect, that can make the most tone-deaf rapper sound like they are singing.

Conrad Sabatier

Yeah, my friends and I would go around in high school doing Zappa & the Mothers' "Brown Shoes Don't Make It", "Call Any Vegetable", "Who Are The Brain Police?" and perhaps most fittingly, "Status Back Baby" — "I'm losing status at the high school, I used to think that it was my school". Of course, no one had the slightest idea what any of this stuff was. Zappa didn't officially become cool and popular until the Apostrophe album, then everyone was doing "Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow" and thinking they were ultra-hip and cool, when previously it was "Smokin' In The Boys Room" or "The Joker" (due in no small part to its "toker" reference) that they regarded as the non plus ultra of elite cool tunes. High school. Bleah! The main reason I hope that reincarnation isn't true. One time through was more than enough, thank you!

Samandor

Pluribus Punk Record Club of America. They were unique among mail-order record clubs, in that you only ordered what you want at a discount, from a very large catalog - the others wanted to send you one or two new records every month, of their choice, which you could either keep at an inflated price, or send back. You had the option to say NO to their selections, and order different ones from their catalog, but it was all done by surface mail - the internet hadn’t been invented yet.

There’s a good documentary about RCOA.

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