It's Dangerous to Go Alone
Starbomb Lyrics

My name is Link, y'all, I'm straight outta Hyrule
Link introduces himself as a warrior from Hyrule.

Been on the force of good since 1986, old school
Link has been fighting for good since the first Zelda game was released.

I'm bringing you a laid back summertime jam
Link sets the tone of the song as a relaxed, summertime tune.

Hold on a minute, Link
The old man interrupts Link's quest.

Hey what's up, old man
Link addresses the old man.

I see that you're embarking on another epic quest
The old man recognizes Link's heroic journey.

You're gonna use your ocarina to rescue the princess
Link's objective is to use his ocarina to save the princess.

But you need a magic weapon that'll never ever miss
The old man offers Link a powerful weapon.

It's dangerous to go alone, take this
The old man warns Link of the dangers ahead and gives him the weapon.

Oh thanks old man that is really very nice
Link expresses gratitude for the old man's gift.

I can always count on you for help and friendly advice
Link acknowledges the old man's assistance and guidance.

Though I've never seen a sword of quite that shape or size
Link comments on the unique appearance of the weapon.

Oh God, that's not a sword, it's your dick in disguise
Link realizes that the old man's gift is not a weapon but a disguised phallic object.

Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my schween
The old man admits to painting his penis.

Now grab your destiny, if you know what I mean
The old man encourages Link to seize his fate.

Wait a minute, Link, don't leave the cave, where do you think you're going
The old man stops Link from leaving and attempts to proposition him.

This is a great chance to fondle scrotum that you're blowing
The old man suggests engaging in sexual activity with Link.

That was weird but whatever there is no time to lose
Link brushes off the old man's advances and continues his quest.

I gotta warp right now to Zelda in this chilled out groove
Link uses his ocarina to teleport and continues the relaxed vibe of the song.

Wait this isn't Ganon's lair, I'm in Liberty City
Link ends up in a different location than intended.

This place looks just like Philadelphia, but even more s***ty
Link compares the new location to Philadelphia, but worse.

I'm at the corner of Deadcop and Prostitute Junction
Link finds himself at a dangerous intersection.

Something in my ocarina must have gone and malfunctioned
Link assumes that his ocarina caused the teleportation error.

I gotta fix it quickly, there is justice to do
Link prioritizes fixing the ocarina in order to complete his mission.

Goddamn it old man!
Link is frustrated with the old man's interference.

No! F*** you! F*** you!
Link angrily rejects the old man's offers.

I'm not giving you a-
Link refuses to give the old man any sexual favors.

So is that a no on the handjob, or-
The old man persists in his advances, to Link's irritation.