Dear God I Hate Myself
Xiu Xiu Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
a bigger one that you do do do
and I will always be nicer to the cat
than I am to you you you you
dear God, I hate myself
dear God, I hate myself
and I will never be happy
and I will never feel normal
[don't ask me if this line is about you]
what do they do there tonight tonight?
why do they go there alright alright?
why do they live there [tonight tonight]?
and why do they live at all alright alright?
dear God, I hate myself
dear God, I hate myself
and I will never be happy
and I will never feel normal
why do they live there [tonight tonight]?
and why do they live there at all alright alright?
flip off the mirror as protest
who the F-word are you you you?
and I will never be happy
and I will never feel normal
dear God, I hate myself
dear God, I hate myself
The opening lines of this song, "Despair will hold a place in my heart, a bigger one than you do," set a bleak tone for the entire song. The singer is admitting that they feel more connected to their own sense of hopelessness and despair than they do to any other person in their life. The next lines, "and I will always be nicer to the cat than I am to you," imply that the relationship the singer has with the person they are addressing is strained, to say the least. They feel more affection for their pet than they do for this other person, which is a sad commentary on the state of their relationship.
The chorus is a repetition of the line "dear God, I hate myself." This line functions as a cry for help and a statement of deep self-loathing. The singer seems to feel trapped in a cycle of negative thinking and low self-esteem, and they are reaching out to a higher power (or possibly just to the void) for some relief or guidance. They follow up the chorus with the lines "and I will never be happy, and I will never feel normal," which further emphasize their feelings of hopelessness and despair.
The next set of verses are more abstract and appear to be a stream-of-consciousness meditation on the nature of existence. The lines "what do they do there tonight tonight? why do they go there alright alright? why do they live there [tonight tonight]? and why do they live at all alright alright?" suggest that the singer is contemplating the purpose of life and the choices that people make. They seem to be struggling to understand why humans choose to keep living despite the inherent difficulties of existence.
Finally, the last lines of the song ("flip off the mirror as protest, who the F-word are you you you?") suggest that the singer has directed their self-loathing outward, towards society and the systems that have contributed to their negative self-image. The repeated line "dear God, I hate myself" throughout the song functions as a powerful refrain that underscores the intensity of the singer's emotions.
Line by Line Meaning
Despair will hold a place in my heart
I have a deep sadness in my heart
a bigger one that you do do do
My sadness is bigger than my love for you
and I will always be nicer to the cat
I treat my cat better than I treat you
than I am to you you you you
I don't have the same kindness towards you
dear God, I hate myself
I have a deep self-loathing
and I will never be happy
I don't believe I will ever find happiness
and I will never feel normal
I feel like I will never fit in or belong
[don't ask me if this line is about you]
I don't want to answer if this is about you
what do they do there tonight tonight?
I wonder what people are doing tonight
why do they go there alright alright?
I question why people are drawn to certain places
why do they live there [tonight tonight]?
I wonder why people choose to live in certain places
and why do they live at all alright alright?
I contemplate the meaning of life
flip off the mirror as protest
I rebel against my own reflection
who the F-word are you you you?
I don't recognize myself and who I've become
and I will never be happy
My self-hatred makes it impossible to find joy
and I will never feel normal
I feel like I will always be an outsider
dear God, I hate myself
I continue to struggle with self-loathing
Contributed by Hunter Y. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
@gbrs6280
Despair will hold a place in my heart
a bigger one than you do do do
and I will always be nicer to the cat
than I am to you you you you
dear God, I hate myself
dear God, I hate myself
and I will never be happy
and I will never feel normal
don't ask me if this line is about you
what do they do there tonight tonight?
why do they go there alright alright?
why do they live there tonight tonight?
and why do they live at all alright alright?
dear God, I hate myself
dear God, I hate myself
and I will never be happy
and I will never feel normal
why do they live there tonight tonight?
and why do they live there at all alright alright?
flip off the mirror as protest
who the F-word are you you you?
and I will never be happy
and I will never feel normal
dear God, I hate myself
dear God, I hate myself
@drewfaubion7603
Years ago this song was my anthem. I was working a hundred hours a week for a startup whose main customer was a destructive, already rich oil company looking to make themselves richer. I had just moved into a city in which I had no friends. My cat that I had from 8 years old to 26 years old died. Single. Miserable. The most alone I'd ever been.
I quit that job, took a substantial pay cut, and joined a company working to make people safer. I got a new cat (still love and mourn the old one, but in a healthy way). I read some philosophy. I met a girl. We go on walks in the woods with her dog.
It took a lot of work and self-improvement, but things can get better. I am so grateful for the wise people in my life that told me that I don't need to put up with my own shit. Keep up the hope, my self-loathing compatriots, and keep fighting. Life will always be hard, but there can also be a lot of beauty and love along the way, if you're willing to do the work. I hope this doesn't come across as too preachy, just a long way of saying: believe in yourself.
@amirashraf225
hope ur ok
@vidal4080
thanks for that
@trffchzrd
i love the way he says 'alright alright' before the 'dear god, i hate myself'
@datrulz12
"Flip off the mirror as protest" is fucking legendary
@igitha..._
I crashed two vehicles in a matter of weeks
This song is appropriate
@dan-gy4vu
@Lambda why is that the assumption?
@futuretell
@Lambda ew why are misogynists here
@pixymae
This is a bop but I’m really glad I’m only discovering it now and not back when I was emotionally unstable lmao
@chinaserious334
Feel that.