Harry and Rhonda
Frank Zappa Lyrics

Harry, this is not Dreamgirls!
I expected Dreamgirls to have good, solid musical entertainment, but it turns out this show is not Dreamgirls.

They told me it had c-c-colored Folk in it, Rhonda
Someone told me this show would have colored folk performing in it.

And that's always a sure sign of good, solid Musical entertainment! How was I supposed to Know they'd be this ugly?
I thought colored folk performing in a show was an indication of good entertainment, but I didn't anticipate that they would be this unattractive.

They pissed on us Harry! they fuckin' pissed on us! Look at my fox!
They urinated on us, Harry! They ruined my fox.

I know, dearbut they pissed on me tooheDid say they were incontinent!
I know, my love, but they urinated on me too. They did warn me that they were incontinent.

Just smell this! I think we should get out of Here before they do something else to us!
Take a whiff of this! I think we should leave before they do something worse to us.

Leave? Now? At these ticket Prices? Just hold yourHorses! And it probably wasn't real piss Only theater piss! They probably have A formula some special stuff Comes out right out of the fur with woolite
Leave now, at these ticket prices? No way! It probably wasn't real urine, only theater urine. They probably have a special formula that they use to clean it out of the costumes with Woolite.

What's happened to broadway Harry? Used to be you could Come to one of these Things and the wind would be Rushing down the plain Or a fairy on a string would go over the Audiencebut now Harry I ask You is this entertainment?
What has happened to Broadway, Harry? Back in the days, you could come to a show and the wind would blow, or fairies would fly over the audience. Now, Harry, is this what passes as entertainment?

You're absolutely correct Dear! So far we haven't seen a Single good-looking pair of legsa Single sequin-encrusted whatchamacallit No firm, rounded breasts! This show is a disaster Rhonda A complete and utter disaster!
You're absolutely right dear! We haven't seen a single attractive pair of legs, a single sequin-encrusted item, or firm, rounded breasts. This show is terrible, Rhonda. An absolute disaster!

M-m-m-m! say derehey! umm hmm! Thass right! hey You! you two ugly white folksover heahhh!
Excuse me! Hey, you! Ugly white folks over here!

As you know De presence of carboniferous hard-core Unemployables has gen'rally, in De historical past Guaranteed an evenin' of upliftin' Frolic and cavortmentit'd Be a shame fo y'all t'miss On dis here one! got some nice chairs fo' ya Rights ovuh heahhh
As you know, in the historical past, the presence of unemployed people has guaranteed an uplifting and enjoyable evening. It would be a shame if you miss out on this one! We have some nice chairs reserved for you over here.

Uhhhbeg pardon? What's going on here?
I'm sorry, but can you explain what's happening here?

Oh! they're touching me! Harry! Harry! Harry! Harry Do something! They're putting chains on Me! I'll be stuck to The chair! Oh! What'll I Do? I'll miss intermission!
Oh, they are touching me! Harry, help me! They're putting chains on me, and I'll be stuck to this chair. What will I do? I'll miss intermission!

They're only 'theater chains' Rhonda! just some sort of
They are only 'theater chains,' Rhonda! Some kind of prop.

These are real goddamn chains, Harry And they're not gonna come off with woolite!
These are real chains, Harry, and they won't come off with Woolite!

I don't mind the way they Feelthey don't bother me Honeyrelax! Go with the flow
I don't mind the chains; they don't bother me. Relax, honey. Go with the flow.

Harry, you are an over-educated shit head!
Harry, you are an over-educated person with no common sense.

Look here, folksdis only fo yo own Protexium! once we gets rollin' heah Things be happnin' all over de place Dat could prove dangerous to Persons not previously acquainted wit de San Quentim mashed potatoes!
Listen up, folks! This is for your protection. Once the show gets started, there will be things happening all over the place that could be dangerous for people not familiar with San Quentin mashed potatoes.

I want the wind to come rushing Down the plain! I want fairies On a string over the audience! I Want real broadway entertainment! feathers! Spot-lights! guilt! hours upon Hours of guilt! About my mother! about my Father! about brave women, suffering at The hands of infantile, insensitive Dominating men! and what do I get? a potato Headed jig-a boo with Catholic Clothes on! incomprehensible Duck lips! weak bladders draining through Abnorminably large organs! Jesus Harry! What the fuck is going on here?
I want the wind to blow fiercely, fairies to dance over the audience, and real Broadway entertainment, including feathers, spotlights, and emotions that leave you feeling guilty for hours afterward! I want to hear stories about brave women who suffer at the hands of insensitive men! But look what I get! A black person with a head that resembles a potato, wearing Catholic attire, with lips that are hard to understand and weak bladders that cause urinary problems. What the hell is going on here, Harry?

Simmer down! If you'll just roll with The punchesand don't rock the boat I'm sure we'll have a lovely Evening at the theater!
Calm down! If you'll relax and not cause a scene, I'm sure we'll have an enjoyable evening at the theater.

Thass right! we got fairies on a string fo Yo ass jes' a little later! meanwhile I b'lieves y'all requires some Updatement on de Co-log-nuh situatium! sister Ob'dewlla 'X'! express yo'seff!
That's correct! We'll have fairies on a string for you very soon! Meanwhile, I believe you need an update on the Cologne situation. Sister Ob'dewlla X, please share your thoughts!