Tom Cruise Crazy
Jonathan Coulton Lyrics

Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie
Tom Cruise is extremely infatuated with his wife, as conveyed to him by his entourage.

At least all his people tell him so
He only knows about Katie through people around him.

And while he thinks that she’s a very special lady
Despite this, he still believes that she is exceptional.

It’s probably not the way he’d choose to go
He may not have chosen this life for himself.

And a lifetime of longing looks would cause too much distraction
If he were gay, he could not afford to daydream on public figures.

Good thing that he’s not gay anymore
Nevertheless, the fact of the matter is that he is not.

Tom Cruise is always getting older
Tom Cruise is facing the reality of aging.

He knows he’ll never be that young again
He is aware that those younger than him are quickly taking his place.

And when Tom Cruise looks back over his shoulder
Whenever he reminisces about the past,

He sees a thousand younger leading men
He sees countless of young, talented men taking his spotlight.

He knows someday he’ll have to play
He is aware he may soon be given roles that portray him as old and disabled.

An old retarded grandpa
An elderly grandfather who is intellectually disabled.

While someone younger plays his sexy son
While a younger actor takes his place as a sex symbol in the industry.

Tom Cruise hopes somewhere there’s a place for him
Tom Cruise wishes to find a place where he belongs.

'cause he’s not of this world anymore…
He may feel displaced and disconnected from his former reality.

Somewhere in some secluded castle
He likely resides in isolation.

Poor Tom Cruise sits staring at the wall
He may be struggling with his loneliness.

And the outside world is always such a hassle
Tom Cruise may view the world as a source of discomfort.

Sometimes he won’t go out at all
He may choose to avoid public appearances at times.

There are millions who know his name
Despite his struggles, he continues to be a well-known public figure.

Everybody loves him
Many people have a positive opinion of him.

Why is it that he feels so alone?
Despite his success, Tom Cruise may still feel lonely and disconnected.

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
Tom Cruise is eccentric and his behavior may seem bizarre to some.

Just be glad it’s him not you
It may be easier to observe his behavior from the outside rather than living it firsthand.

If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles
It takes a lot of courage to be in his shoes and face his struggles.

You might be Tom Cruise crazy too
If anyone were to live a life similar to Tom Cruise, it's possible they may have some mental struggles as well.

You’d flash your big white shiny smile
If you lived Tom Cruise's lifestyle, you would likely be putting on a facade for the public.

You’d buy expensive shoes
You would invest a lot of money in your appearance.

But you’d be the only man on Earth
However, despite all the glamour, it would be difficult to relate to anyone else.

Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
Despite his struggles, many people still find Tom Cruise enjoyable.

Oh no, you couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
However, if you lived like Tom Cruise you may end up just as unhappy.