Valentine
ABC Lyrics


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When the postman don't call on Valentine's day
And Santa Claus don't come on a Christmas Day
That umbrella won't work on a rainy day
Don't ask me, I already know
When they find you beached on the barrier reef
And the only pleasure treasured is in map relief
The choice is yours, sure, saint or thief
Don't ask me I already know
When they baked your cake in little slices,
Kept your eyes on rising prices,
Wound up winning booby prizes;
I'm sure you'd like to think you know what life is
Find destiny through magazines
Liplicking, unzipping
Harpers and Queens
From here to eternity,
Without in-betweens,
Don't ask me, I already know
With your heart on parade and your heart on parole
I hope you find a sucker to buy that mink stole
School for scandal,
Guess who's enrolled?
So ask me, I already know
When they find you beached on the barrier reef
When the postman don't call on Valentine's Day
When the only pleasure treasured is in map relief
When you don't tell the truth, that's the price you pay
When I'm shaking a hand, I'm clenching a fist
If you gave me a pound for the moments I missed
And I got dancing lessons for all the lips I shoulda kissed




I'd be a millionaire
I'd be a Fred Astaire

Overall Meaning

In "Valentine's Day," ABC lists a series of unfortunate events that occur when one's expectations are not met. The lyrics suggest that sometimes life falls short in romantic gestures such as receiving a Valentine's Day card or Christmas presents or experiencing a lack of utility in objects like an umbrella on a rainy day. In the next lines, ABC implies that one's life choices are critical and should be made consciously as they may have a significant impact on their destiny. The line "I'm sure you'd like to think you know what life is" implies the futility of making impulsive decisions without thinking thoroughly about their consequences. The song ends with an introspective scene in which ABC regrets missed opportunities in life, but if given the chance to rectify some past mistakes, they would be a millionaire and a Fred Astaire. The lyrics are open to interpretation, but the song's themes of missed opportunities and the importance of conscious decision-making are apparent.


Line by Line Meaning

When the postman don't call on Valentine's day
When you don't get a valentine from the one you love, it can be a lonely day.


And Santa Claus don't come on a Christmas Day
When you don't receive the gifts you were hoping for, it can be a disappointing day.


That umbrella won't work on a rainy day
Sometimes things that are supposed to help you won't work when you need them most.


Don't ask me, I already know
I've been there before and know what it feels like.


When they find you beached on the barrier reef
When you're stuck in a difficult situation that seems impossible to get out of.


And the only pleasure treasured is in map relief
When the only escape from your problems is through daydreaming and imagination.


The choice is yours, sure, saint or thief
You have the choice to either do the right thing or the wrong thing, but there are consequences either way.


When they baked your cake in little slices,
When life gives you small and insignificant rewards, rather than anything substantial.


Kept your eyes on rising prices,
When capitalism and the cost of living cause constant financial worry and stress.


Wound up winning booby prizes;
When life gives you something that seems like a reward, but turns out to be a disappointment or a trap.


I'm sure you'd like to think you know what life is
There's a lot about life that we don't understand and can't control, even if we pretend to.


Find destiny through magazines
Trying to figure out your life and the future through reading magazines and other media.


Liplicking, unzipping
Sexual imagery and innuendo used in advertising and media to sell products and ideas.


Harpers and Queens
Magazines and publications that focus on luxury, status, and wealth.


From here to eternity,
A metaphor for an infinite span of time and the inevitability of death.


Without in-betweens,
Without much variety or deviation from the norm.


With your heart on parade and your heart on parole
Allowing your own emotions to be exposed and vulnerable, but with the fear of getting hurt, or being held accountable for your actions.


I hope you find a sucker to buy that mink stole
I hope someone falls for your deceptions or tricks, even if they end up being foolish or costly.


School for scandal,
A reference to the play 'School for Scandal' which involves a lot of gossip and backstabbing.


Guess who's enrolled?
Hinting that the person being addressed is involved in some kind of scandal or drama.


When you don't tell the truth, that's the price you pay
If you are dishonest or deceptive, you will eventually face the consequences of your actions.


When I'm shaking a hand, I'm clenching a fist
Even when we're being friendly, we might have angry or violent thoughts that we keep hidden.


If you gave me a pound for the moments I missed
If you rewarded me for all the opportunities and experiences I let slip away or ignored, I would be very rich.


And I got dancing lessons for all the lips I shoulda kissed
Regretting the times when we failed to take a chance, make a move, or express our romantic feelings for someone.


I'd be a millionaire
If all of our missed opportunities and regrets were worth money, we would be very wealthy.


I'd be a Fred Astaire
A reference to the famous dancer and actor Fred Astaire, implying that if we had the courage to follow our dreams and take chances, we could achieve greatness.




Lyrics © Peermusic Publishing
Written by: Brian Warner, Jeordie White

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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