The Champion
Adam Sandler Lyrics

Welcome back on this glorious sunday afternoon for the final round of the Enbuary classic. The legendary Champion is now approaching the 18'th tee off with an insomauntible 8th stroke lead.
Announcer setting the stage for the final round of the Enbuary classic and highlighting the Champion's significant lead.

Well let's wrap this thing up
The Champion expressing confidence and eagerness to finish the game.

The gallery lets the champion know what a fine three days of golf he has had. The always charming Champion is now taking time to high five a young spectator and the boy, the boy is awestruck. Haha, the gallery erupts into delight
The crowd praises the Champion for an impressive performance, and he takes a moment to interact with a young fan, causing excitement and joy among the spectators.

Go get them champ!
A spectator expressing support and encouragement for the Champion.

Yes Yes. I think it would be hard to find in any sport a champion who is as beloved as this one. And the encouraging gallery goes silent. Eight strokes ahead of the pack, the Champion slowly starts his back swing.
The announcer praises the Champion's popularity and highlights the intense focus as he prepares for his shot.

Oh no no! Apparently the honking horn had some sort of concentration effect on the champion's usual monstrous drive.
The honking horn disrupted the Champion's focus and affected his shot.

Is that Greag normen's kid or something?
The Champion jokingly attributes his poor shot to Greg Norman's child for distracting him with the car horn.

The Champion shakes it off and makes some sort of humorous remark about the horn to the gallery and they eat it up.
The Champion brushes off the distraction and continues to interact with the crowd, making light-hearted jokes about the car horn.

Let's get the ball back on the field.
The Champion expresses determination to recover from the bad shot and get his ball back in play.

Yes Yes, well now the Champion, his Caddy, and the elendent gallery make their way to the Champion's ball, which is unfortunately larged next to a very thick tree route. The champion and his caddy talk it over. He;s going to play it safe and punch out with a 7 iron with a 8 stroke lead this is simply smart play by the legendary Champion. He approaches the ball.. let's watch.
The Champion, his caddy, and the crowd assess the situation and discuss the best strategy. Given his comfortable lead, the Champion decides to take a conservative approach to ensure a safe shot.

Take a swing at the ball hitting the tree route in the process
The Champion attempts to hit the ball but ends up hitting the tree roots instead.

Oh,well I.. I don't think that's what the Champion had in mind when he took that swing. The ball is now 10 yards.. um into the woods after ricoshaying off the tree route, and ther's a look of pain on the Champion's face. He is shaking his hands as if to say I did not have a strong enough grip on the club when I hit the tree route, and my hands are stinging quite badly.
The announcer remarks on the unexpected outcome of the shot and speculates about the Champion's regret. The ball ends up deep in the woods, and the Champion expresses physical discomfort from the impact.

The Champion is starting to mutter some obscenities about the car horn, which if you just joined us blew earlier during the champion's back swing at the 18'th tee off. Well now his caddy and friend of 25 years, Mr. Skipijankings, is doing every thing he can to get the champion's mind back on track.
The Champion vents his frustration about the car horn and his caddy tries to refocus his attention and mindset.

Forget about the car horn, let's just win this thing!
The caddy advises the Champion to move past the distraction and focus on winning.

Hahah, you're right.
The Champion agrees with his caddy's advice.

What wonderful veteran words of wisdom. The Champion nods in agreement, and heads into the woods to set up for his third shot which he will have to play out of a dreadfully muddy lie. He's sticking with his 7 iron, closes the club face a little. He starts his swing.
The announcer praises the caddy's wise words and acknowledges the Champion's determination. The Champion prepares for his next shot despite challenging conditions in the woods.

(Swing at ball)
The Champion takes a swing at the ball.

And the ball did not move, um if anything it's a little deeper in the mud.
The ball remains stuck in the mud, possibly sinking deeper after the swing.

What is this fucking quick sand?!
The Champion expresses frustration and disbelief at the challenging muddy lie.

The Champion is now conferring with coarse marshal, David Canner.
The Champion seeks advice and guidance from the course marshal, David Canner.

What do I do next?
The Champion asks for instructions on the next course of action.

Gonna have to drop one.
David Canner informs the Champion that he needs to take a drop penalty.

and the Champion is now laughing very hard, uh one might say a little too hard, but none of the less, he drops his new Areo Fly Ball and resumes play.
Despite the challenging situation, the Champion finds humor in the moment and laughs excessively. He takes the penalty drop and continues the game with a new golf ball.

Back with his trusty 3 wood, the Champion lines up his shot. He starts his back swing.
The Champion prepares to take a shot with his reliable 3 wood club.

(Fart)
The Champion releases gas unintentionally during his back swing.

He flatuates. Stops his swing, and steps away from his ball, and whispers something too his caddy, Mr. Skipijankings.
The Champion interrupts his swing due to the flatulence and discusses something privately with his caddy.

Wha? What do you mean you got to take a Shit?
The caddy questions the Champion's sudden need to use the restroom.

I've got to shit.
The Champion declares his urgent need to defecate.

Finish the fucking hole, we've got to win this mother fucker!
The caddy emphasizes the importance of completing the hole and winning the game.

Jesus Christ man!
A random spectator expresses surprise and shock at the Champion's restroom request.

Well now the Champion is staring angrily at his caddy. He continues to stare for quite some time, and then abruptly walks back to his ball; not taking much time set up at all he swings,
The Champion displays his anger towards the caddy but eventually refocuses on the game. He quickly returns to his ball and takes another swing.

(Swing at the ball.)
The Champion swings at the ball once again.

Connects, a Smash of a hit!
The Champion makes solid contact with the ball, resulting in a powerful shot.

(applaud)
The gallery applauds the successful shot.

Starting to slice, oh no it goes directly into the center of a man-made water hazard!
The shot veers off course and lands directly in a man-made water hazard.

You've got to be fucking kidding me!
The Champion expresses disbelief and frustration at the result of his shot.

The Champion slowly walks over to his golf bag, unzips it, and pulls out, hmm what I believe is a 16 oz silver beverage container and starts drinking in large gulps.
The Champion retrieves a drink from his golf bag and consumes it rapidly.

What do 17 major championships, over 6 million dollars in prize money, and the complete domination of the sport of golf have in common? Two things: The Champion, and Areo Fly Balls. Areo Fly Balls, they just seem to go further. If it's good enough for the Champion, don't you think it's good enough for you.
An announcer transitions to a commercial break by promoting Areo Fly Balls and highlighting the achievements and dominance of the Champion.

PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!
A random person in the gallery urges someone to cover up.

I'll tell you one thing. no one's fucking up me in my hole.
The Champion asserts his determination not to let anyone ruin his game.

As we join the action,
The announcer resumes describing the ongoing events.

Because thay are fucking ugly
The Champion offers a questionable explanation for his statement.

We can see his caddy and long time friend, Mr. Skipijankings, trying to cox the Champion out of the sand trap where he is presently on his back making a snow angle.
The caddy attempts to persuade the Champion to get out of the sand trap while he lies on his back in a whimsical manner.

Get up! GET THE FUCK UP. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!
The caddy implores the Champion to get up and questions his actions.

All right (get out of hole)
The Champion acknowledges the request and gets out of the sand trap.

Well the Champion is now ceasing his softmories behavior and is climbing out of the trap onto the green.
The Champion stops his playful behavior and successfully gets out of the sand trap.

Yee-Haw! (Charge at Skipijankings and Tackle him)
The Champion exclaims joyfully and playfully charges at his caddy, tackling him.

That's it! I'm getting the Fuck out of here! You're fucked up dude, you need some help!
The caddy expresses his decision to leave and expresses concern for the Champion's behavior.

Ya I need help fucking your wife!
The Champion responds with a derogatory comment about the caddy's wife.

Fuck you! (Kick the Champion very hard!) Don't you EVER TALK about my wife! I'll FUKING KILL YOU MAN!
The caddy angrily kicks the Champion for insulting his wife and threatens him.

Hear Hear! Generally Tempered, long time friend Mr. Skipijankings now storming off the forced hole, not with out hearing some expletive words hurled at him by the classless lord of the lace. Tears streaming down his face, the Champion is now alone on the green left with mainly a 12 foot put.
The announcer comments on the caddy's departure and labels the Champion as disrespectful. The Champion is emotional and left to complete the hole on his own.

(Police sirens are going off) Who would of thought that a horn honk could bring about such disaster and disarray in one ma's life. The Champion, now lining up his put, using the flag stick as his putter for some odd reason. He takes a few steps towards the hole, unbuckles his belt, The CHAMPION is defecating in the cup, and the gallery has scene enough! Not a moment too soon the police have arrived, and are advancing towards the champion slowly.
The sirens indicate the arrival of the police as a result of the chaos caused by the car horn. The Champion prepares to putt in an unconventional manner, but instead defecates in the cup. The gallery is dismayed and reaches their limit. The police approach the Champion.

They Open fire. The champion has been shot. He is down on the green, he's not moving, walking inching their way towards the champion, the officer checks the champion's pulse, and signals to the other police that the Champion is sure enough dead. If you are just joining us Sunday May 7'th at 2:42 P.M. perhaps the greatest golfer of our time is diseased at age 39. My God have mercy on his sole. This has been Donald Hefington saying good day, and good golf.
The police resort to gunfire, shooting the Champion. The Champion is pronounced dead, and the announcer shares the shocking news of his demise. The announcer expresses sorrow and bids farewell. The broadcast concludes.