Chim Chim Cheree
Allan Sherman Lyrics

Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim-chim-cheree
This phrase is nonsensical to me, but I'm accustomed to meaningless words from all the TV commercials I watch.

Those are three words that don't make sense to me
The phrase 'Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim-chim-cheree' doesn't have any meaning to me.

But I'm used to words that don't make sense to me
I'm used to hearing words that don't make sense to me from watching so many TV commercials.

From all those commercials I see on TV
The reason I'm used to hearing nonsensical words is because I watch so many TV commercials.

When I see an ad that can't be understood
If I see a commercial that doesn't make any sense to me,

I know that the product has got to be good
I assume that the product must be good if the commercial is so bizarre that I can't even understand it.

Those words may be crazy, but I think they're great
Even though the words might seem crazy, I still find them entertaining and enjoyable.

Like sodium acetylsalicylate
One example of a crazy but fun-to-say word is sodium acetylsalicylate.

(Sodium acetylsalicylate)

I wake up each morning a most happy man
I'm generally happy in the morning when I start my day.

I cover my Pic-O-Pay with Fluoristan
I apply Fluoristan to my Pic-O-Pay (an unknown product), which I assume is good for it.

I add Hexachlorophene, 'cause it's so pure
I add Hexachlorophene to my morning routine because it's touted as being pure and presumably beneficial.

And then GL-70, just to make sure
I add GL-70 to ensure that I'm doing everything possible to take care of myself.

Then I take a shower, but never alone
I take a shower with Dermasil and Silicone, two products that I assume are supposed to be good for me.

I'm in there with Dermasil and Silicone
I use Dermasil and Silicone when I take a shower.

I brush Vitrol-D on my Lanolin wave,
I brush Vitrol-D onto my hair, specifically my Lanolin wave, which adds some sort of benefit.

And I sharpen my Boo-boop, and use it to shave
I sharpen a product called a Boo-boop and use it to shave, even though it's not clear what exactly Boo-boop is.

(He sharpens his Boo-boop, and that's how he shaves)

There's Tufsyn, and Retsyn, and Acrylan too
There are many different product names spinning around in my head, including Tufsyn, Retsyn, and Acrylan.

And Marfac and Melmac and what else is new?
There are so many product names, it's hard to keep track of them all, including Marfac and Melmac, among others.

There's Orlon and Korlan, and there's Accutron
Other examples of product names I'm familiar with include Orlon, Korlan, and Accutron.

And Teflon, and Ban-Lon, and so on and on
There are so many product names that the list just continues, including Teflon and Ban-Lon.

These wonderful words spin around in my brain
All of these product names are whirling around in my head, filling me with wonder and excitement.

Each one is a mystery I cannot explain
Even though I'm fascinated by all these different products, I don't always understand what they do or why I need them.

Like what does that Blue Magic whitener do
I'm not sure what Blue Magic whitener does, even though I've heard of the product before.

Does it make blue things white, or make white things blue?
I'm not sure whether Blue Magic whitener makes blue things white or white things blue.

(His blue things are white, and his white things are blue)

My Fastback has Wide-Track and Autronic Eye
My Fastback car has features like Wide-Track and Autronic Eye, which I assume are important for driving.

Which winks when a cute little Volvo goes by
The Autronic Eye feature apparently winks at cute Volvos that pass by the car.

My tank full of Platformate starts with a roar
The fuel I use in my car, Platformate, makes the car start up with a loud roar.

But when I try to stop, it goes two miles more
The car doesn't always stop right away when I apply the brakes, and sometimes goes a little further than intended before coming to a stop.

I measure my breathing with my Nasograph,
I use a product called a Nasograph to measure my breathing for some reason.

It's nice, but oh my, how it hurts when I laugh
The Nasograph is useful, but if I laugh while I'm using it, it causes me some pain.

My chair is upholstered in real Naugahyde
My chair is upholstered in an expensive-sounding material called Naugahyde.

When they killed that nauga, I sat down and cried
I was saddened when I heard about the killing of the animals that produce Naugahyde, so I sat down and cried.

(He moved to Chicago when that nauga died)

I'm giving a party next Saturday night
I'm having a party on Saturday night.

And here are the friends that I'm going to invite
These are the guests that I plan to invite to my party.

The giant who lives in my washing machine
One of my guests will be the giant who lives in my washing machine.

That other nice giant, who's jolly and green
I'm also inviting another giant who is nice, jolly, and green.

The tiger who causes my gas tank to flood
I'm inviting a tiger who, for some reason, causes my gas tank to flood.

That handsome white knight who is stronger than crud
Another guest will be a handsome white knight who is exceptionally strong.

The man with the eyepatch, who sells me my shirts
I'm inviting a man with an eyepatch who sells me shirts.

And that nut who flies into the front seat for Hertz
Finally, I'm inviting a crazy person who flies into the front seat of the car when I rent from Hertz.

(That daring young nut who goes flying for Hertz)

I've lived all my life in this weird wonderland
I've always lived in a strange world of products and commercials.

I keep buying things that I don't understand
Even though I don't really know what most of the products do, I continue to buy them anyway.

'Cause they promise me miracles, magic, and hope
I keep buying products because they promise me things like miracles, magic, and hope.

But, somehow, it always turns out to be soap
No matter how good the products seem at first, they always end up just being soap that doesn't do anything magical.

And they might as well be Chim-Chiminey Cheree
All these products are basically as meaningless and nonsensical as the phrase 'Chim-Chiminey Cheree'.

(Those words all could be Chim-Chiminey Cheree)