Tumor
Allie X Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
they never touch / you never touch your blood and guts
in neverland you're never free
you see what you want to see
I've been watching the swelling grow
I've always known…
I'll need a surgery
‘cause you were a TUMOR
you'll leave a hole inside of me
it's high risk
not hopeless
I'm conscious
when this is over
when this is over
I'll still be letting it grow
wish I could say / wish I could say I didn't know
I had the vision / had the feeling all along
still I followed, I took your lead
swallowed the toxic, magic weeds
I've been watching the swelling grow
I've always known…
when this is over
I'll need a surgery
‘cause you were a TUMOR
you'll leave a hole inside of me
it's high risk
not hopeless
I'm conscious
when this is over
when this is over
I'll still be letting it grow
I'll still be letting it grow
I'll still be letting it grow
I'll still be letting it grow
The song "Tumor" by Allie X is a haunting exploration of a toxic relationship, where the singer compares her lover to a cancerous growth that she cannot help but continue to feed and nurture despite knowing the harm it will cause her in the end. The first verse sets up the dichotomy between how the lover treats the singer and how the singer treats herself - they love her only when she is doing well and are repulsed by any messiness or vulnerability, while she feeds into her own self-destructive tendencies by neglecting her own emotional and physical well-being. The second verse reveals the singer's own complicity in the situation - she knew all along that the relationship was unhealthy and that her lover was a "tumor," but she allowed herself to be led astray and swallowed the "toxic, magic weeds" regardless.
Line by Line Meaning
they love to love / you love to love you when you're up
People tend to love those who are successful and happy, and that includes loving oneself in that state.
they never touch / you never touch your blood and guts
People often avoid confronting and dealing with their own emotions and vulnerable parts, and the same goes for the singer as well.
in neverland you're never free
Living in a fantasy or escape from reality might seem freeing, but it ultimately results in being trapped and unable to face the real world and its challenges.
you see what you want to see
When living in denial or delusion, one only perceives what aligns with their desired reality and ignores any aspects that contradict it.
I've been watching the swelling grow
The singer has been observing a problem or issue getting worse over time, despite being aware of it from the beginning.
I've always known…
The singer has had a sense or intuition about the situation all along, but chose to ignore it or follow someone else's lead.
when this is over / I'll need a surgery / ‘cause you were a TUMOR / you'll leave a hole inside of me / it's high risk / not hopeless / I'm conscious / when this is over / when this is over / I'll still be letting it grow
The singer is using the metaphor of a tumor to describe a destructive force in their life that needs to be removed at great risk, but also with the awareness that it might not be entirely successful and some damage might remain. Despite this, the singer is uncertain and hesitant about fully letting go of this force.
wish I could say / wish I could say I didn't know
The singer expresses regret over not having acknowledged or acted on their intuition earlier.
I had the vision / had the feeling all along
The singer clarifies that their awareness of the problem was not just a vague sense, but a specific insight.
still I followed, I took your lead / swallowed the toxic, magic weeds
Despite their intuition and vision, the singer chose to follow someone else's guidance and ended up ingesting something harmful and illusory.
I'll still be letting it grow
The singer reiterates their uncertain resolve to continue holding on to the destructive force, despite knowing the risks and the need to cut it out.
Writer(s): Mathieu Jomphe Lepine, Alexandra Hughes
Contributed by Daniel B. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
SOUFIA
🎶 LYRICS 🎶
They love to love you
Love to love you when you're up
They never touch you
Never touch your blood and guts
In neverland you're never free
You see what you want to see
I've been watching the swelling grow
I've always known
When this is over
I'll need a surgery
'Cause you were a tumor
You'll leave a hole inside of me
It's high risk
Not hopeless
I'm conscious
When this is over
When this is over
I'll still be letting it grow
Wish I could say
Wish I could say I didn't know
I had the vision
Had the feeling all along
Still I followed, I took your lead
Swallowed the toxic, magic weeds
I've been watching the swelling grow
I've always known
When this is over
I'll need a surgery
'Cause you were a tumor
You'll leave a hole inside of me
It's high risk
Not hopeless
I'm conscious
When this is over
When this is over
I'll still be letting it grow
I'll still be letting it grow
I'll still be letting it grow
I'll still be letting it grow
I'll still be letting it grow
Taresh Patel
She’s become a master of electropop. It feels like she doesn’t even need to try to hard for these anymore cus she’s become so good at it
Aidisme
This song speaks to me on a spiritual, emotional and physical level. My mom and I live together and we have a very toxic relationship where i give but never really received what i honestly needed from her, which is unconditional love. My mom is a devout Christian and nothing against Christians because I do still consider myself a Christian of sorts, but anywho, and I’m a trans person. I’ve tried my whole life to fit this mold for my mom and time after time, my heart breaks and hardens towards her. We just had a huge argument maybe an hour before actually listening to this song on my YouTube feed and this song hits exactly what I feel. I know I’ve tried my hardest to please her and to be this perfect person for her but I always know in the back of my head how she really feels. I felt incredibly liberated today because instead of running or being ashamed in my expression, i stood in it, shamelessly against her. For the first time. And it felt amazing! But it sucks that i know our relationship is face value and is broken and I don’t know how repairable it is.
S M
i hope you're doing well :)
Ann Nonymous
Hi, as someone who relates a bit to "fitting a mold" your mom tried to shape you into, I hope u always remember that your life is yours and yours alone. She may have tried to own you and dress you up like a pet, I know mine did. And it hurts a lot to know you're not who she wants you to be, but the fact that you grow into who YOU want to be is powerful and nobody can take that from you. I had to become my own mother, and I guess that's not so bad because you've gotta heal ur inner child at some point. I'm really happy you stood up for yourself ♥ Filling that void with self love is the best advice I can give you friend, I hope you aren't pained for long
P G
A relationship (family, friends, lovers, etc.) needs care and honesty, it's like a ship that can only be nagivated by two people. If only one of the two works towards the maintenance of the (relation)ship, while the other doesn't care of even destroys parts of the ship here and there...it can't work out.
Grace Love
Some relationships aren't repairable. Do what makes You happy.
joeybistoocool
Good for you. There is an entire community waiting for you once you get your footing in this world.
SOUFIA
🎶 LYRICS 🎶
They love to love you
Love to love you when you're up
They never touch you
Never touch your blood and guts
In neverland you're never free
You see what you want to see
I've been watching the swelling grow
I've always known
When this is over
I'll need a surgery
'Cause you were a tumor
You'll leave a hole inside of me
It's high risk
Not hopeless
I'm conscious
When this is over
When this is over
I'll still be letting it grow
Wish I could say
Wish I could say I didn't know
I had the vision
Had the feeling all along
Still I followed, I took your lead
Swallowed the toxic, magic weeds
I've been watching the swelling grow
I've always known
When this is over
I'll need a surgery
'Cause you were a tumor
You'll leave a hole inside of me
It's high risk
Not hopeless
I'm conscious
When this is over
When this is over
I'll still be letting it grow
I'll still be letting it grow
I'll still be letting it grow
I'll still be letting it grow
I'll still be letting it grow
Daniel Alabarse
thX! s2
Eugene Toribio
queen ily this is still iconic years later 😭