In My Mind
Amanda Palmer Lyrics

In my mind
The following statements are a reflection of a mental fantasy of the singer.

In a future five years from now
The singer imagines a specific time frame in the future.

I'm one hundred and twenty pounds
The singer has a desired physical appearance.

And I never get hung over
The artist has the discipline to avoid excessive alcohol consumption.

Because I will be the picture of discipline
Discipline is a valuable characteristic for the artist.

Never minding what state I'm in
The singer is able to maintain discipline regardless of external factors.

And I will be someone I admire
The singer has high aspirations for their own character.

And it's funny how I imagined
The artist acknowledges the humor in their unrealistic expectations.

That I would be that person now
The artist had hoped they would have already achieved their ideal image.

But it does not seem to have happened
The artist has yet to achieve their desired image.

Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
The singer may be failing to recognize their current positive qualities.

That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be
The artist has realized that they don't perfectly align with their ideal image.

In the faraway here and now
The singer imagines a different time in the present.

I've become in control somehow
The singer has gained more control in their current reality than they previously had.

And I never lose my wallet
The singer has become more responsible and disciplined in daily habits.

Never fucking up anything
The artist is now practically perfect.

And I'll be a good defensive driver
The artist desires to be responsible in all areas of life, even when driving.

That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be
The singer has reevaluated their self-image and acknowledges they will always be imperfect.

When I'm old I am beautiful
The singer has a vision of their future beauty and serenity as they age.

Planting tulips and vegetables
The artist sees a future where they practice mindfulness and connect with nature.

Which I will mindfully watch over
The artist will take care of their plants and their own personal growth in equal measure.

Not like me now
The artist recognizes their current lack of mindfulness and connection to nature.

I'm so busy with everything
The singer is too preoccupied with the present to focus on personal growth.

That I don't look at anything
The artist misses out on life's small beauties and opportunities for growth.

But I'm sure I'll look when I am older
The singer anticipates a time when they will prioritize personal growth and mindfulness.

But that's not what I want
The singer has finally realized the reality of their wants and desires.

But that's what I wanted
The singer realizes that their former vision of their future was not authentic.

And I'd be giving up somehow
The artist fears losing a sense of control in their pursuit of growth.

How strange to see
The artist is surprised by their own perspective shift.

That I don't wanna be the person that I want to be
The singer no longer desires to fulfill their former ideal image, and has discovered a new desire for authenticity.

I imagine so many things
The singer acknowledges their tendency towards unrealistic fantasy.

Things that aren't really happening
The artist is aware that their fantasies are not yet their reality.

And when they put me in the ground
The artist has a vision of their eventual death.

I'll start pounding the lid
The artist is not yet prepared for death and will fight it.

Saying I haven't finished yet
The singer still has more aspirations to achieve.

I still have a tattoo to get
The artist has a specific unfulfilled desire they wish to achieve before they die.

That says I'm living in the moment
The singer's eventual tattoo represents their desire to live in the present and practice mindfulness.

That I could win this, win this fight
The singer desires to overcome unrealistic expectations and fully appreciate their current reality.

But maybe it isn't all that funny
The singer is grappling with a serious and difficult issue.

That I've been fighting all my life
The artist's struggle with unrealistic expectations has been a lifelong challenge.

But maybe I have to think it's funny
The artist seeks a humorous perspective on their situation to aid in their growth.

If I wanna live before I die
Humor and a positive attitude are necessary for the singer to live a fulfilling life.

And maybe it's funniest of all
The singer sees the ultimate irony in their struggle for authenticity.

To think I'll die before I actually see
The artist may not fully achieve their new vision of authenticity before they die.

That I am exactly the person that I want to be
The artist has finally discovered their true desires and is content with their authentic self.