Their debut album Fitness to Practice (featuring the ultra-sweary London Underground song) is "a cult hit" Sunday Times and "extremely funny" Daily Telegraph. In 2008 they released their second album "Unfit to Practice".
Eternal Clerking
Amateur Transplants Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Please close the door
Thank you!
Tell me what
How long has this been for?
Does it feel the same?
Is there any bleeding?
With this burning, or just internal pain?
Does it spread, to your back?
Does it, sometimes wake you from sleeping?
Are your motions black?
Are you passing blood?
Is it on the paper
Or mixed in with it?
Just when did it start?
How long ago?
Tell me do you smoke?
Take any medication?
Have you ever had a stroke?
Have you had rheumatic fever?
No? Funny that!
Close your eyes!
Give me your hands!
Say ah!
I'll listen to your heart beating
Please say ninety-nine, ninety-nine, ninety-nine!
You look a bit anaemic
Now here's some questions we ask everyone:
Say your name
What's the date today?
When did World War One start?
What's the current monarch's name?
Can you take seven from a hundred?
Again! Again! Again! Again!
Now what's the address I asked you to remember?
Just sit back!
Let me lie you flat!
Tell me if I hurt you
And I'm sorry, but after that
I need to pop a gentle finger in
Uh, hum
Dry your eyes
Give me your hand, Madam!
Kindly stop with your weeping
You must understand
That we really need
To investigate you
'Cos you have got an intestinal bleed
The lyrics to Amateur Transplants' song Eternal Clerking depict a doctor's routine questioning of a patient experiencing health issues. The doctor is seeking to diagnose the patient's symptoms through a series of diagnostic questions, such as whether the pain is internal or external, whether it is accompanied by bleeding or black motions, and whether the symptoms have spread to the patient's back or cause them to wake up at night. The lyrics also question the patient about their medical history, including whether they smoke, take medication, or have had any previous medical conditions such as stroke or rheumatic fever.
The song creates a satirical portrayal of medical exams through humorous wordplay and exaggerated scenarios. For example, the doctor tells the patient to "say ah" before listening to their heart, asking them to say "ninety-nine ninety-nine ninety-nine" repeatedly. The song also includes the doctor quizzing the patient on current events and basic math problems upside down while lying on their back.
Overall, the song humorously highlights the often formal and impersonal nature of medical exams, in which patients may feel dehumanized and reduced to a list of symptoms and medical history.
Line by Line Meaning
Do come in
Please enter the consultation room
Please close the door
Kindly shut the door
Thank you!
Appreciation for fulfilling the request
Tell me what
Please explain your symptoms
How long has this been for?
When did your symptoms begin?
Does it feel the same?
Is the pain still the same?
Is there any bleeding?
Are you experiencing any bleeding?
With this burning, or just internal pain?
Are you experiencing a burning sensation or just internal pain?
Does it spread, to your back?
Does the pain spread to your back?
Does it, sometimes wake you from sleeping?
Does the pain wake you up at night?
Are your motions black?
Are your bowel movements black?
Are you passing blood?
Are you experiencing rectal bleeding?
Is it on the paper
Is there blood on the toilet paper?
Or mixed in with it?
Or is it mixed with the stool?
Just when did it start?
When did the bleeding start?
How long ago?
When was it?
Tell me do you smoke?
Do you smoke cigarettes?
Take any medication?
Are you currently taking any medication?
Have you ever had a stroke?
Have you ever had a stroke in the past?
Have you had rheumatic fever?
Have you ever had rheumatic fever?
No? Funny that!
That's interesting
Close your eyes!
Please close your eyes
Give me your hands!
Please extend your arms
Say ah!
Please open your mouth
I'll listen to your heart beating
I'm going to listen to your heart rate
Please say ninety-nine, ninety-nine, ninety-nine!
Please repeat the word ninety-nine
You look a bit anaemic
You appear pale
Now here's some questions we ask everyone:
I have some routine questions to ask you
Say your name
Please state your name
What's the date today?
What is today's date?
When did World War One start?
When did the First World War begin?
What's the current monarch's name?
What is the name of the current monarch?
Can you take seven from a hundred?
What is 100 minus 7?
Again! Again! Again! Again!
Repeat the previous question
Now what's the address I asked you to remember?
What was the address I asked you to remember?
Just sit back!
Please rest back
Let me lie you flat!
I'm going to lay the examination table flat
Tell me if I hurt you
Please let me know if anything hurts
And I'm sorry, but after that
I apologize in advance
I need to pop a gentle finger in
I need to perform a rectal exam
Uh, hum
Hesitation sound
Dry your eyes
Please stop crying
Give me your hand, Madam!
Please extend your arm
Kindly stop with your weeping
Please stop crying
You must understand
It is important for you to comprehend
That we really need
It's essential that we
To investigate you
To examine you further
'Cos you have got an intestinal bleed
Because you have bleeding in your intestines
Contributed by Gabriella B. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
@SCBLGamingFilm
Suman is back! Feel like half the crowd didn't know what to make of him, but who cares.
@yup2602
so great to see him back !!! went to see him in real person 12yrs ago at Edinburgh !!
He singing has improved so much !!!
@fallisolation9405
he protecc
he attacc
but most importantly-
he play the music at smacc
@johnsutton360
Great to see Suman back on stage
@ancientmewtb
Amazing performance!
I wish he did paracetamoxyfrusebenzoneomycin too
@theradgegadgie6352
BenDRO. :-P
@richardpurves
I bought an Amateur Transplants album for an anesthetist friend of mine. Very quickly had to turn her iPod off because it came on before the patient was fully out :D Mission accomplished.
@charlesbosher6719
I absolutely adore Suman. This was fantastic. What are the flashing things on everyone's hands?!
@DrCanadianGamer
cell phone flashlights
@charliebosher9806
@@DrCanadianGamer deffo not cellphones. Must have been a freebie, loads of them have rings on which are flashing. Woman at 14:05 has a flashing thing and a cellphone! I clearly worry way too much about these things!