Prism
Andrea Gibson Lyrics

My friend Derrick says, "Love is the only war worth dying for."
Derrick values love above all else, to the extent that dying for love is an honorable sacrifice.

But every time I say, "Please come back," I feel like I'm trying to find a dirty needle in a haystack.
Trying to reconcile with someone who has left you can feel like an impossible and fruitless task.

And God knows--I can't go out like that.
The singer cannot continue to live in a state of hopelessness and heartbreak.

I suppose we wear our traumas the way the guillotine wears gravity;
Our past traumas weigh heavily on us, much like the force of gravity on the guillotine.

our lovers' necks are so soft.
Our vulnerability and emotional connection with our partners makes them easy targets for causing pain.

I lost my head so many times,
The singer has allowed her emotions to cloud her judgement on numerous occasions in her past.

I got sober just hoping my eyes would dry;
The singer tried to sober up and clear her head in hopes that it would help her cope with her emotions.

still I drink so much in my sleep,
The artist's subconscious is still consumed by her emotional wounds, leading to excessive alcohol usage in her dreams.

I can't sleepwalk a straight line to the guest room where collapse hangs so heavy inside her lungs;
The artist can't even navigate her dreams without being reminded of the pain she's experienced in past relationships.

she speaks and her voice trips across her heartbeat.
Her words are seemingly intertwined with the intense feelings of emotion she is experiencing.

Each word limps into the air:
Her words are a struggle to vocalize, emphasized by the use of the word "limps".

"We are gone," she says.
The artist's partner has officially ended things, stating that their relationship is over.

And I am no mortician.
The singer does not have the ability to bring things back to life, nor can she make sense of her partner's emotional death.

I have no idea how to put makeup on the dead.
The singer is not skilled in the art of covering up emotional wounds or bringing things back to life.

I have no idea how to un-erase,
The singer can't undo things that have already been done or take back what has been said.

so I just puddle at the door,
The artist is stuck in their emotions, unsure what to do or how to move forward.

my face looking like a deck of falling cards,
The artist's emotions are in a state of chaos and vulnerability, much like a house of cards falling apart.

like eventhing's been playing me.
The singer's emotions are controlling her, rather than the other way around.

We tried so hard.
The singer and her partner put great effort into trying to make their relationship work.

But when I said, "Give me a ring,"
The artist asked her partner for a commitment or sign of their love.

she thought I meant a call.
Her partner misunderstood the artist's request and failed to see the depth of her emotions.

Now I haven't had her number for 3 years.
The artist has not been in contact with her partner for an extended period of time.

We've been saying, "How many times are we gonna keep cutting these red flags into Valentines?"
The mixed signals and warning signs in their relationship are being ignored or even romanticized.

All the wars we've fought have turned our shine into rust;
Their past conflicts and struggles have caused them to lose their spark or energy for each other.

now we can't touch each other's trust without a tetanus shot.
The singer and her partner's past pain has left them incapable of trusting each other, equating it to the need for protective vaccination measures.

We can't begin to remember how we forgot
The singer and her partner are struggling to understand how they got to this point in their relationship.

there is no shelter in the womb;
The safe feelings of love and protection found in the womb don't exist in adult relationships.

the heart forms long before the ribcage.
Emotions and love are felt before the physical body has even fully developed.

My mother swore she could feel me kicking weeks before my feel formed.
The artist's mother felt a sense of connection with her child and his/her emotions even before she could physically feel him/her.

That's how hard my heart beat.
The singer's emotions and heart were strong and alive, even in the womb.

But they say the womb is where we learn love is knowing the chord that feeds you could at any moment wrap around your neck.
Even before birth, the notion that love can be both nourishing and potentially harmful is instilled in us.

I hold my breath for the entire 56 seconds it takes her to walk to the window,
The artist is anxiously waiting for her partner to speak or make a movement, despite the emotional turmoil it may cause.

to stare at the road, to tell me she has nothing left, to tell me we are done carrying our level head in our torn-up chests.
The artist's partner is communicating her final decision to end their relationship due to the emotional trauma they have both been carrying.

And for the first time, I know she is right
The artist is coming to terms with the fact that the relationship cannot be saved and that her partner's decision is the best course of action.

as the dawn after our first date.
This decision feels jarring and new, like a morning after a stark realization.

We were so young
The artist and her partner's youthfulness and inexperience played a significant role in their inability to maintain a lasting relationship.

I hadn't written an honest love poem yet.
The singer had not yet been able to express her emotions in a genuine and pure way.

I hadn't met anyone I could fall so hard for 'till the night we kissed on our skateboards.
The singer had not found someone she had connected so deeply with until her current partner.

She teased me for going so slow.
The singer's partner found humor in the singer's cautious nature and approach to the relationship.

I said, "I never want to catch up to the letting go."
The artist expressed her deep desire to hold onto the relationship, and to never be caught in the act of letting it go.

I want to plead in my throat to forever anchor my spine in the seams of your warm slippers, love.
The artist desires a deep sense of love and connection with her partner, illustrated through a metaphor of warmth and comfort.

Even when the dove crashed through my window.
Even during difficult and unexpected moments in life, the singer wants to hold onto her relationship and maintain her connection with her partner.

Even when our friends said, "You can call it love but remember Einstein first called himself a pacifist when he built the bomb."
The singer's friends are skeptical of her relationship, likening the potential hurt is to Einstein's creation of the destructive atomic bomb.

When they ask me why we stayed together for so long, I say, "I don't know."
Despite the struggles and eventual end to the relationship, the artist can't help but feel a sense of confusion as to why she stayed with her partner for as long as she did.

I just know we cried at the exact same time in every movie.
The artist and her partner shared an intense emotional connection, even expressed through the small act of crying at the same time during films.

I know we blushed everyday for the first two years.
Their love and attraction to each other was still strong and present in the beginning of their relationship.

I know I always stole the covers and she never woke me up.
Despite small flaws and imperfections in their relationship, there was still a deep sense of care and consideration for each other.

I know the exact look on her face the first time she used my toothbrush.
Small moments like sharing a toothbrush cemented the artist's relationship and firm loyalty to her partner.

The next day I brushed my teeth 40-some times because I didn't want to let her go.
The singer resisted letting go of the relationship by clinging to physical reminders of her partner.

You have to understand when it hurt to love her, it hurt in the way the light hurts your eyes in the middle of the night.
The singer's emotions for her partner were intense and blinding, causing an equal amount of pain and discomfort.

But I had to see, even through the ruin, if what we were burying were seeds.
Despite the pain and hardships they faced, the singer held onto the hope that their struggles were sowing the seeds for a stronger relationship in the future.

There were so many plants in our house you could rake the leaves.
The artist and her partner's relationship had grown to be prosperous, with many areas of growth and opportunity.

Even through that winter when I was trying to make angels in the snow of her cold shoulder, she was still leaving love notes in my suitcase.
Despite moments of emotional distance and tension, the artist's partner still left gestures of love and affection, providing a tether of hope for the relationship.

I'd always find them the day before I left.
The timing of these love notes offered a sense of comfort and longing for the singer, as they readied themselves to leave her partner once again.

I remembered a story her mother told me.
The singer recalls a point in her relationship where she heard stories from her partner's family members, further cementing their connection to each other's lives.

"Andrea, when Heather was a little girl, she couldn't fall asleep without tying a string around her finger that she stretched to mine in the other room. All night long she'd give that string the tiniest tug to make sure I was still there. And when I tugged back, that was love. That was love. Easy as that. Sometimes."
The artist's partner carries a childhood memory and romanticized notion of love, where the presence of another person can provide feelings of warmth and support despite the distance between them.

Sometimes.
Love, and relationships, can be mysterious, unpredictable, and tumultuous, but are a worthwhile pursuit nonetheless.