Truce
Andrea Gibson Lyrics

I was little.
I was young and naive.

My mother was a bank teller.
My mother worked at a bank.

I called her a fortune teller.
I jokingly referred to my mother as a fortune teller.

She nick-named me Pangee.
My mother gave me the nickname "Pangee".

Not Pangea. I was never in one piece.
My nickname was a play on the word "Pangea", but I always felt like I wasn't whole.

The first time I called someone "ugly"
When I insulted someone for their appearance for the first time.

my heart had an ice-cream headache for three weeks.
I felt guilty and regretful for insulting someone and it weighed heavily on me for a long time.

Tell that to my future.
Reflecting on my past actions and their effects on my future.

Say, "The moon doesn't care to be a bully when it's full."
The moon doesn't intentionally cause harm, neither should we.

I was running from myself on empty.
I felt lost and unsure of myself, and was running on fumes.

Not much made sense, like the Russians didn't like us because they couldn't afford blue jeans?
I struggled to make sense of certain aspects of the world, like the rumored reason for the Cold War between the US and Russia.

What I knew is that I wasn't killing spiders cause I was scared of them I was killing them because they were scared of me.
I was hurting others out of my own fear and insecurity, instead of facing those fears head on.

You can have a cold war with yourself even in the summertime.
Internal struggles and conflicts can happen at any time, even when things seem sunny on the outside.

I watched the rocks get slapped by the sea.
Observing the natural world around me in moments of reflection.

I knew the sea was made of the same stuff as tears.
Seeing the beauty and sadness in the world, and realizing that those emotions are a part of a bigger cycle of life.

That meant if you were hurting you could understand the sharks.
Through empathy and understanding, one can connect with even the most feared and misunderstood creatures.

Maybe carry them between your ears.
One can carry this newfound empathy and understanding with them in their own mind and heart.

Maybe hear the word ‘love' and start running from the teeth.
Learning to not be afraid of love or opening oneself up to others.

I was running around with a panic in my chest.
Feeling anxious and scared inside.

The teacher said, "Silence is golden."
A teacher taught me to value the quiet moments in life.

I wanted to say, "Silence is bronze at best," but I had already time capsuled my voice box hoping someday I would be either brave or scared enough to dig it out and open it all the way up.
I didn't fully believe in the idea of silence being golden and hoped to one day have the courage to speak up and be heard.

That's how I got here.
Reflecting on my journey to this point in my life.

In this old rocking chair typing with my grandma's thimbles on my fingers.
Creating art and writing in a sentimental and personal space.

Every poem is something being sown.
Each piece of writing has the potential to grow and shape both the writer and the reader.

Every poem is me asking "are we there yet?"
Through writing, I am searching for answers and understanding.

"Are we there yet?" Years after they told me I was already home.
Questioning whether or not I have found a sense of belonging after being told that I already had it all along.

My love's feet were still not welcome on the welcome mat, but you've never seen bridges that could arch like that.
Holding onto hope that love and acceptance can overcome obstacles.

So we crossed the river to where the echo took us in.
Continuing on the journey of love and exploration, following the call of the unknown.

That's where I learned bouncing back is about being honest with the canyon.
Learning to be vulnerable and open in order to come back stronger from adversity.

That's how I got this see-through skin, this glow-in-the-dark fear.
Being transparent and unafraid of showing my true self, even in moments of fear.

This here is my shame on a silver plate.
Acknowledging feelings of shame and guilt.

I know it is the one meal that all of us share.
Recognizing that everyone has their own struggles and burdens to bear.

I know how much time we spend sleeping beneath our beds 'cause somebody told us that's where the monsters should hide.
Acknowledging how childhood fears and anxieties can follow us into adulthood.

Y'all everyone is going to pick a side on whether they are good or bad, whether you are kind or cruel.
Everyone is judged and categorized based on their actions and character.

But what if the quickest root to loving ourselves is deciding its all true.
Finding healing and self-love by accepting and embracing all aspects of oneself, both good and bad.

Every bit of it.
Accepting and embracing every part of oneself.

I was not a child the last time I threw a full tantrum fit in the grocery store.
Realizing that I still have moments of immaturity and regression despite growing up.

I was not poor the last time I stole someone's heart like it wasn't worth my change.
Reflecting on moments of selfishness and hurtful behavior towards others.

I do not need air traffic control to tell me there have not been enough flights for me to lose all of my baggage.
Realizing that despite past mistakes and struggles, I still have the potential to grow and change.

I am learning to claim it at the same carousel where I am learning beating yourself up is never a fair fight only knocks the wind out of our chances to come clean through that canyon.
Learning to take responsibility for my past actions and to forgive myself in order to move forward and grow.

To be exactly who we are so we might become exactly who we want to be.
Embracing oneself fully in order to reach one's potential and desired self.

So if our baggage is to run we will one day learn to run like we sing like someone took apart a cello to build our hamstrings.
Acknowledging that our past experiences and struggles can shape us into stronger, more skilled individuals.

This is me running straight into your arms to tell you my skyscraper heart might still be afraid of heights.
Opening myself up to others and expressing vulnerability and fear.

Your dark side might still be searching for its stars but the acoustics are still amazing in our meteor showers.
Despite struggles and internal conflicts, there is still beauty and potential for growth.

The light will never be out of your league.
Encouraging others to believe in themselves and their potential.

You were the first one picked for your own team.
Encouraging self-love and self-acceptance.

Our underdog hearts are winning this game even when we are doing it all wrong, even when we are falling apart.
Believing in the power of resilience and perseverance despite challenges and setbacks.

Sometimes it takes a storm for the whole sea to start doing the wave.
Acknowledging the power of adversity and difficulty to bring people together and create change.

I know it took a storm for the message in the bottle to finally reach my shore.
Realizing that sometimes it takes difficult circumstances for us to learn and grow.

To teach me how to write my entire life using only the shift key to mess up, to bounce back, to let myself be the hinge that keeps opening the door to look you straight in the eye and tell you I didn't come here to write my heart out I came here to write it in.
Recognizing the value of vulnerability and honesty in writing and in life, and using those qualities to build connections and understanding with others.