In November 2001, singer Sarah Jezebel Deva (Cradle Of Filth, Therion, Mortiis etc), and composer Chris Rehn (Abyssos) met on a mutual tour. They soon became good friends and discovered both had the same ideas about working with a completely orchestral project, which led them to Angtoria. Chris composed the songs and Sarah wrote the lyrics and in November 2002 they recorded a 5 track demo at Virtual Symphony.
They sent out this demo to record labels, and interest for the new formed band grew quickly resulting in several top rated reviews, awards and interviews for magazines all over the world.
In November 2005 they started recording their debut album entitled "God Has a Plan for Us All" . After recording with several guests, the album was released at the end of April 2006 on Listenable Records.
Angtoria was forced to change their name due to reasons beyond their control. Writing for the new album will start in January 2012.
In 2020 on Sarah Jezebel Deva's official FB music page stated that Angtoria will now continue writing music under a different name. Sarah and Chris have parted ways with Tommy Rehn and because he came up with the band name, they can no longer use it. For that matter, their website has also been suspended.
Suicide on My Mind
Angtoria Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Within the empty space
My sleep numbed my pain
Now I'm awake
My sanity has gone
Little girl screams
Don't hold me back I want to fall
Little girl pleads
For life's disease
To mourn away my soul
Did I want to die
Pain consumed me inside
Heaven on my tongue
Drunk down with suicide
Beyond self control
My urge has gone
Little girl screams
For life's release
Don't hold me back I want to fall
Little girl pleads
For life's disease
To mourn away my soul
Time does not heal
A shame so surreal
Little girl screams
For life's release
Don't hold me back I want to fall
Little girl pleads
For life's disease
To mourn away my soul
The song "Suicide on My Mind" by Angtoria explores the concept of mental anguish, the difficulty in dealing with pain, and the desire for release. The first stanza of the song suggests that the singer did not want to live anymore and found solace in sleep, which numbed her pain. However, she has now woken up, and her sanity has left her. The second stanza describes the desire to die and the pain that consumed the singer inside, equating the idea of suicide to having heaven on her tongue, as though it were a sweet release. The chorus features a little girl who screams for release and pleads for the disease to take over her soul, implying that the singer might be referring to her younger self, who experienced an event causing significant trauma.
The following stanza suggests that the singer's condition is beyond self-control, justifying the thoughts of suicide being beyond her ability to control. It also hints that the singer's condition has worsened over time. The chorus repeats this time, suggesting that the singer is looking for an escape from the pain, but no healing has occurred over time, adding to the surreal feeling of imbalance. The song concludes with the same repeated chorus, emphasizing the feeling of entrapment and hopelessness that the singer faces.
Overall, the song depicts a struggle mentally, representing the challenge of living with mental illness and the difficulty in expressing oneself or receiving support.
Line by Line Meaning
Did I want to live
Questioning whether the desire to live exists
Within the empty space
Feeling empty and lonely despite the presence of physical surroundings
My sleep numbed my pain
Using sleep as a coping mechanism to ease emotional pain
Now I'm awake
Suddenly becoming aware of reality
My sanity has gone
Feeling mentally unstable or disturbed
Little girl screams
The inner child within, expressing emotional turmoil
For life's release
Desiring freedom from emotional pain and struggles
Don't hold me back I want to fall
Urgency to let go and surrender to the pain
Little girl pleads
Begging for relief and end to the suffering
For life's disease
Seeing life as a disease or an affliction
To mourn away my soul
Using mourning as a way to cope and express pain
Did I want to die
Questioning whether death seems like a desirable escape from pain
Pain consumed me inside
Being overwhelmed by internal emotional pain
Heaven on my tongue
Feeling the taste of relief and happiness that could come with death
Drunk down with suicide
Craving death or the act of suicide as a way to escape pain
Beyond self control
Unable to regulate or control emotions
My urge has gone
Feeling a sense of loss or emptiness after the urge to die fades
Time does not heal
Time passing does not automatically fix emotional pain
A shame so surreal
Feeling ashamed or embarrassed about the emotional state
Contributed by Aaliyah G. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
Warrior Hart
The chug chug riff with Sarah Voice sounds so beautiful. Wow, I fell in love with this song <3
diamadtiel
Love everything about it, great song
neil bent
I completely agree. If there is one band I wish I could hear more from it is Abyssos. I shake my head now to see Rehn in a mediocre project like this. Abyssos redefined BM for me personally it will always be my favourite BM band even with only 2 releases they showed us true greatness and created masterpieces.
Freezing Moon
Coming here, all good, wanted to listen again a good old song, AND PEOPLE ARE ARGUING OVER EVANESCENCE. DAFAQ?
JordanMcCoyFan94
I agree, Amy Lee is amazing & I love Evanescence. I don't understand why people are comparing her so much on youtube though
bluewaves25
I'm happy to know that Sarah is making a new album. It will be a continuation of Angtoria this time, but under a different name.
bluewaves25
I wish I can direct you exactly to the post and comments but it will be on https://www.facebook.com/SarahJezebelDeva and it should be a few posts down. :) That is her official page. Look for February 2015 post.
Josh Jones
Where did she say that? I'd love to hear a continuation of Angtoria :)
bluewaves25
@Josh Beaton
She'll continue to do that I think but her next album will be an Angtoria album.
Josh Jones
Instead of her Sarah Jezebel Deva stuff?