ApologetiX is "That Christian Parody Band," often called a Christian Music … Read Full Bio ↴ApologetiX is "That Christian Parody Band," often called a Christian Music form of "Weird Al" Yankovic. Located around Pittsburgh, PA,
The band members include lead singer and lyricist J. Jackson, guitarist/keyboardist Bill Hubauer, bassist Keith Haynie, and drummer Jimmy "Vegas" Tanner. The band played its first concert as ApologetiX in 1992, and its 1000th in 2007. All of the band members grew up in and around Pittsburgh PA, and that is where they make their homes and attend church.
ApologetiX rewrites secular songs with (often comical) Christian lyrics. Some of their parodies include "Corinthians" (parody of "In the End" by Linkin Park), "Look Yourself" ("Lose Yourself" by Eminem), "Smooth Grandmama" ("Smooth Criminal" by Alien Ant Farm), "Smells Like Thirtysomething Spirit" ("Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana), and "Bethlehemian Rhapsody" ("Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen). Smooth Grandmama is considered to be their most well-known parody. While maintaining the integrity of fundamentalist "grannies," the song pokes fun at certain aspects.
ApologetiX gets their unusual name from the word apologetics, which means "the defense of the Christian faith." It is based on the Greek word for defense, apologia. The word is used in 1 Peter 3:15, "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer (defense or "apologia") to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect..." (NIV). Their logo, a triquetra, is an ancient symbol of the Holy Trinity.
Visit their website for booking, concerts and contact them through email at www.apologetix.com.

Smooth Grandmama
ApologetiX Lyrics

Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴

As he came up to the window, heard the sound of, Barry Manilow
He came into her apartment, smelled the Ben Gay, and the chocolate
She was sitting at the table, he could see she, had a Bible
Then she ran into the bedroom, got her teeth down, and her perfume

Granny, are you OK, you OK, you OK, Granny? (4X)

Granny's not an old maid, She's a zealot, with a bold faith

She's a kind-hearted widow, and she bought you, a Nintendo, last week
You came into her apartment, left the mud stains, on the carpet
And then she ran into the bedroom, she was knelt down, it was for you
Granny likes to crochet, and croquet, and quote Dear Abby
Granny causes road rage, in slow lanes, she's no Andretti
Granny's got the whole day, to go pray, for all her family
You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth grandmamma

she came into the hallway, it was Sunday, had a snack made
Then the book of Revelation, was the topic, of conversation
Granny says you know babe, the Lord say, in verse 3:20
He's standing at the doorway, so don't waste, a moment honey
And you gotta go pray, or else babe, you won't gain entry
Then you told her OK, I want saved, I'll go pray Granny

Granny told you OK, first you tell Him, that you're sorry
Believe He died or your sins though
And accept, Him and repento -- Whammy!
He came into your heart then, you were prostrate, on the carpet
Then she ran you to the next room
You were sat down, there was more food
Granny karaokes, to old tapes, of Sandi Patty
You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth grandmama

(BRIDGE)

Granny had a roast made, and potatoes, that were homemade
And she buys Poppin' Fresh Dough
So she baked you, some crescent rolls, lets eat!
You came into her apartment, and the blessings, only started
And then your Granny took and fed you
You were stuffed now; it was her food
Granny brought you cold grapes, and poached eggs, and bowls of candy
Granny brought you milkshakes, and fruitcake, keep Rolaids handy

Granny's artichokes make, your throat gag, so don't take any
And before you go babe, you must take, a roast beef sandwich

Overall Meaning

The song "Smooth Grandmama" by ApologetiX tells the story of a grandmother who is not just any old lady but a zealous and bold woman of faith. The first verse describes a man coming to her apartment and hearing the sound of Barry Manilow's music. He then smells a combination of Ben Gay and chocolate, suggestive of an elderly person's living space. The man finds the grandmother sitting at the table with a Bible. She then runs into the bedroom and comes back with her teeth in and perfume on. The chorus of the song features a play on Michael Jackson's famous line, "Mama-say, mama-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa," with the lyrics, "Granny, are you OK, you OK, you OK, Granny?" The chorus is repeated four times.

In the second verse, the song reveals that the grandmother is not just an old lady who crochets and plays croquet but a kind-hearted widow who even bought the man a Nintendo last week. Upon entering her apartment, the man left muddy footprints on the carpet, and the grandmother ran into the bedroom and knelt down in prayer for the man. She even causes road rage in the slow lanes and prays for her family the whole day. The chorus repeats with the addition of the phrase "a smooth grandmama."

The bridge of the song celebrates the fact that the grandmother had made a roast with homemade potatoes and Poppin' Fresh Dough. She then baked crescent rolls for the man and fed him till he was stuffed. The chorus repeats with the difference of "Granny's artichokes make your throat gag, so don't take any," and the fact that the man must take a roast beef sandwich before he goes.

Overall, the song pays tribute to grandmothers who are not just old women but strong and impactful members of society who care for their family and friends.

Line by Line Meaning

As he came up to the window, heard the sound of, Barry Manilow
He approached Granny's apartment and heard Barry Manilow's music playing

He came into her apartment, smelled the Ben Gay, and the chocolate
Once he arrived in Granny's apartment, he could smell the odor of Ben Gay and chocolate

She was sitting at the table, he could see she, had a Bible
Granny was sitting at the table with a Bible in front of her

Then she ran into the bedroom, got her teeth down, and her perfume
Granny went to the bedroom to put her dentures and perfume on

Granny, are you OK, you OK, you OK, Granny? (4X)
The singer wants to confirm if Granny is okay by asking multiple times

Granny's not an old maid, She's a zealot, with a bold faith
Granny is not just an old unmarried woman, but a person who has great enthusiasm and confidence in her faith

She's a kind-hearted widow, and she bought you, a Nintendo, last week
Granny, who is a kind-hearted widow, bought the singer a Nintendo game console recently

You came into her apartment, left the mud stains, on the carpet
The singer came into Granny's apartment and accidentally left mud stains on the carpet

And then she ran into the bedroom, she was knelt down, it was for you
Granny went to the bedroom to pray for the singer's well-being

Granny likes to crochet, and croquet, and quote Dear Abby
Granny enjoys doing activities such as crocheting, playing croquet, and quoting Dear Abby column

Granny causes road rage, in slow lanes, she's no Andretti
Granny drives slow cars and causes traffic jams, but she is not a race car driver like Andretti

Granny's got the whole day, to go pray, for all her family
Granny spends her entire day praying for her entire family

You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth grandmamma
Granny has a smooth and charming personality that has an impact on people's lives

she came into the hallway, it was Sunday, had a snack made
Granny came into the hallway on a Sunday with a snack ready

Then the book of Revelation, was the topic, of conversation
Granny started talking about the book of Revelation

Granny says you know babe, the Lord say, in verse 3:20
Granny quotes the Lord's words in verse 3:20 about standing at the doorway

He's standing at the doorway, so don't waste, a moment honey
The Lord is waiting at the doorway, so don't waste time

And you gotta go pray, or else babe, you won't gain entry
You need to pray to gain entry into the Lord's domain

Then you told her OK, I want saved, I'll go pray Granny
The singer agreed with Granny and decided to pray for salvation

Granny told you OK, first you tell Him, that you're sorry
Granny instructed the singer to repent and ask for forgiveness first

Believe He died or your sins though
Believe that Jesus died for your sins

And accept, Him and repento -- Whammy!
Accept Jesus and repent for your sins, and you'll achieve Whammy!

He came into your heart then, you were prostrate, on the carpet
The singer felt the presence of the Lord in his heart and fell to the carpet

Then she ran you to the next room
Granny took the singer to the next room

You were sat down, there was more food
The singer was seated, and there was more food for him to eat

Granny karaokes, to old tapes, of Sandi Patty
Granny likes to sing karaoke with old tapes of Sandi Patty

Granny had a roast made, and potatoes, that were homemade
Granny cooked a homemade roast and potatoes for the singer

And she buys Poppin' Fresh Dough
Granny buys Poppin' Fresh Dough for making crescent rolls

So she baked you, some crescent rolls, lets eat!
Granny baked crescent rolls for the singer to eat

Granny brought you cold grapes, and poached eggs, and bowls of candy
Granny brought cold grapes, poached eggs, and bowls of candy for the singer

Granny brought you milkshakes, and fruitcake, keep Rolaids handy
Granny brought milkshakes and fruitcake for the singer to eat, but he should keep Rolaids handy for digestion

Granny's artichokes make, your throat gag, so don't take any
Granny's artichokes will make your throat gag, so don't have any

And before you go babe, you must take, a roast beef sandwich
Before leaving, the singer must have a roast beef sandwich

Lyrics © O/B/O APRA AMCOS

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