Having a Kid Is a Crazy Gamble
Aziz Ansari Lyrics


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Having a kid is a crazy gamble man
No one ever talks about it in terms of it being a gamble
But it is
Think about what position in life you're in when you decide to have a kid
Usually a very safe position
You know?
You're married, you found a mate
That's huge
You usually have a job and a home
That's very difficult to lock down
It's like you finally put together this very large complicated puzzle
And then you're just like "FUCK THIS PUZZLE LETS HAVE A KID!"
And then the kid just shits all over the puzzle
The puzzle is ruined
You are never putting it back together again
It's destroyed
And now you have this kid
And here's the gamble, here's the scary part
You can do everything right, you can read all the books
And you can still have a total piece of shit kid
You could have the worst kid!
You could have one of the bully kids
That could be your kid
You don't know
You could have a total piece of shit
Teacher's like "uhh your son."
Yeah. I know, he's shitty ok?
I hang out with him all the time he's the worst
What do you want me to do huh?
I have to feed and shelter him or I get thrown in jail for some reason
Oooo. I'm sorry he's ruinging your mornings
Guess who hangs with him on afternoons and weekends?
Me.
So how about a little sympathy for me?
"Well sir, have you thought about..."
No there's nothing to think about
There's nothing to do ok?
It's not his diet
He doesn't have too much gluten
He's just shitty ok?
Some people are nice some people are shitty
My kid is shitty alright?
I have accepted it alrght?
I made a mistake! Ok?
I gave up my best years raising this monster!
I could've started a band!
I play bass
But nooo I didn't do that
Instead I have this thing
Ohhh something that looks like me and my wife put together
Uhhh great.
Eat your vegetables




Can I throw a baseball at your face he catches half the time?
FUCK ME!

Overall Meaning

In his song "Having a Kid Is a Crazy Gamble," Aziz Ansari reflects on parenthood as a high-stake risk filled with uncertainty. The comedian and actor uses metaphors to describe the experience of having a child, comparing it to completing a complicated puzzle only to have it ruined by the child's arrival. The gamble, as he phrases it, involves betting on your child's behavior and achievements despite doing everything "right," like reading all the books on parenting, providing for their needs, and giving them a safe and loving home.


Ansari's song stands out for its candidness and humor about the reality of parenting, subverting the romanticized or idealized narratives often found in pop culture. Instead, he acknowledges the ups and downs of raising a child, including the frustration and disappointment that can come with a child with negative behaviors. The song speaks to a universal experience of parenting where no guarantees, checkboxes, or guarantees exist, only the hope to raise a good human being while having a loving relationship with them.


Overall, having a kid is as complicated and unpredictable as life itself, and Ansari's song is an honest reflection of his feelings about it. He mixes humor with vulnerability, creating a commentary on one of life's most crucial decisions, illustrating how children are capable of bringing joy, love, and heartaches to everyone involved.


Line by Line Meaning

Having a kid is a crazy gamble man
People don't talk about having kids as if it's a gamble, but it is.


But it is
It really is.


Think about what position in life you're in when you decide to have a kid
When you decide to have a kid, you're usually in a safe position in life, having found a mate, job and home.


You know?
You get it, right?


It's like you finally put together this very large complicated puzzle
You work hard to put your life together, and then decide to have a kid.


And then you're just like "FUCK THIS PUZZLE LETS HAVE A KID!"
You spend so much time on your life and making it work but then decide to have a kid anyway.


And then the kid just shits all over the puzzle
The kid comes along and ruins everything.


It's destroyed
Your life as you knew it is over.


You are never putting it back together again
Things won't be the same anymore.


And now you have this kid
You have a kid to take care of now.


And here's the gamble, here's the scary part
The scary thing is that you can do everything right and still end up with a terrible kid.


You could have the worst kid!
Your kid could be the worst kind of person.


That could be your kid
Your kid could be a bully.


You don't know
You have no way of knowing what your kid will turn out to be.


Teacher's like "uhh your son."
Your kid's teacher might have to tell you that your kid isn't doing well.


Yeah. I know, he's shitty ok?
You might have to accept that your kid is a terrible person.


I hang out with him all the time he's the worst
You might have to spend all your time with your terrible kid.


What do you want me to do huh?
You're stuck dealing with your kid, even if they're terrible.


I have to feed and shelter him or I get thrown in jail for some reason
You're legally required to take care of your kid, even if they're terrible.


Oooo. I'm sorry he's ruining your mornings
The kid might be badly behaved and make things difficult for everyone around them.


Guess who hangs with him on afternoons and weekends?
You have to spend a lot of time with your terrible kid.


Me.
You are the one who has to deal with your kid.


So how about a little sympathy for me?
You might want others to be understanding of the difficulties of raising a terrible kid.


"Well sir, have you thought about..."
People might suggest that there are things you can do to change your kid's behavior.


No there's nothing to think about
There might not be anything that can be done to change your kid's behavior.


There's nothing to do ok?
You might feel helpless when it comes to your kid's behavior.


It's not his diet
It might not be something that can be fixed by changing your kid's diet.


He doesn't have too much gluten
Your kid's problems might not be related to their diet.


He's just shitty ok?
You might have to accept that your kid is terrible and there's nothing you can do about it.


Some people are nice some people are shitty
Some people are good and some are just bad, and your kid might be one of the bad ones.


My kid is shitty alright?
You might have to accept that your kid is just a terrible person.


I have accepted it alright?
You might have to come to terms with your kid's terrible behavior.


I made a mistake! Ok?
You might regret having a kid and feel like it was a mistake.


I gave up my best years raising this monster!
You might feel like you gave up a lot to raise a terrible kid.


I could've started a band!
You might feel like you gave up your dreams to have a family instead.


I play bass
You might have had other interests and talents that you gave up.


But nooo I didn't do that
But you gave those things up to raise a kid.


Instead I have this thing
Instead of pursuing your own interests, now you have a kid to take care of.


Ohhh something that looks like me and my wife put together
Your kid might resemble you and your partner.


Uhhh great.
But that's not necessarily a good thing, especially if they're a terrible person.


Eat your vegetables
You might have to spend a lot of time trying to get your kid to eat healthy food.


Can I throw a baseball at your face he catches half the time?
Your kid might be bad at sports or other activities, adding to your frustrations.


FUCK ME!
Having a terrible kid can be incredibly frustrating and difficult to deal with.




Contributed by Audrey C. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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