forgive me
BIG PROOF feat. 50 CENT Lyrics

Barely raised by my dysfunctional fam
I was brought up in a dysfunctional family and had a difficult upbringing.

Here I stand as a dysfunctional man
As a result of my upbringing, I have become a dysfunctional man.

Quick-tempered, short-fused, and pissed at God
I have anger and resentment towards God and often lose my temper quickly.

Demons pullin' at my soul 'til it's ripped apart
I often feel as though I am being pulled in different directions and my soul is in turmoil.

Secret's out momma that fire I started it
I must confess to my mother that I was responsible for starting a fire.

Fuck the fireman logic of the closet by the wire shit
I don't care for the logic of the fireman who found me in the closet near the wire that started the fire.

What's positive about a father that bust nuts then wussed up
I don't see anything positive about a father who fathered a child and then abandoned them.

And a momma that don't show her son enough love
My mother did not show me enough love and affection, which has caused me emotional pain.

Shit, that's why I run from my first son
I fear repeating the same mistakes my parents did, which is why I have been avoiding my first son.

And force these chicken head bitches to get abortions
I have been pushing women to get abortions rather than take responsibility for my actions and be a father.

I'm married to game, my mistress is fame
I am dedicated to the rap game, and fame is my ultimate desire and motivation.

My girl Paq the closest, she know I ain't gon' change
My partner Paq is the closest to me, and she knows that I am reluctant to change.

Go insane in a world evil as ours
The world we live in is filled with evil, and it drives me to madness.

I done shot at houses, people and cars
I have committed violent acts and hurt innocent people through my actions.

The deeper the scars, the worst is the history
The more damage I cause, the worse my reputation and history become.

God you ain't gotta forgive me, just don't forget me, you hear me?
I don't expect God to forgive me for my sins, but I hope He will not forget me either.

And most importantly I'm tryin' to support my seeds
My children are my top priority, and I am trying to be a supportive father.

Can't seem to get away from them courtin' fees
I am struggling to pay court fees related to my past mistakes and failures as a father.

Embroidery, on my hood across my heart disorderly
I wear clothing that displays messages across my chest in a haphazard manner.

Breakin' in houses of people who ain't got more than me
I have resorted to breaking into people's homes who are in similar or worse financial situations as myself.

Accordingly, I move in error
I am aware that my actions are often misguided and flawed.

Gotta face the fact though I can't fool this mirror
I am unable to deceive myself and must confront the truth about my actions.

Neglected my daughter and tryin' to blame on how I was brought up
I have neglected my daughter, but I cannot use my childhood as an excuse for my behavior.

Like I'm a product of this environment, why ain't I shot up?
I often feel as though my environment has played a role in shaping who I am, but I have not fallen victim to the same fate as others around me who have been shot.

Got up today like, "Why you let me breathe again?"
I often question why I have been allowed to continue living despite my numerous mistakes and sins.

And with each breath I feel death is creepin' in
I am aware of my mortality and feel as though death is closing in on me each day.

Thinkin' sinners are winners and I'ma finish last
I often feel as though those who have sinned are the ones who end up succeeding, while I am left behind.

My pen and pad record my life as each minute pass
I use my writing as a way to document my life and experiences as they happen.

Passin minutes, I shook sin and shook drugs
As time goes on, I am trying to distance myself from my past drug use and sinful behavior.

I did right by you but still you took Bugz
Despite doing the right thing, I have still suffered losses, such as losing my friend Bugz.

Then caught me in adultery, fought me
I was caught cheating on my partner, and they confronted me about it.

For not knowin' through the dark streets you walked me, talked to me
I am being blamed for not recognizing the help and guidance that was being offered to me along the way.

It's the risk that's a rush so rush my wrists in the cuffs
I am willing to take risks even if it means being caught and sent to jail.

It's like a fight for yo' attention and love
I often feel as though I am fighting for the love and attention of those around me.

Speakin' of Bugz, give me a hint from above
I am asking for a sign or guidance from a higher power in regards to my lost friend Bugz.

If he not you know I wanna be sent when I'm done
If Bugz is not in heaven, I hope to be sent there when I pass away.

Kid outta wedlock so my lady's frontin'
I have a child out of wedlock, and my partner is not happy about it.

I love 'Em, cause he gave me somethin'
Despite the challenges, I love my child because they have given me a purpose and a reason to change.

A positive anything is better than a negative nothin'
Having something positive in life is better than having nothing at all, even if it is difficult.

I was on the edge of death ready to jump in
I have been on the verge of death and felt as though there were no other options.

It's hard when you can't find love anywhere
I have struggled to find love and acceptance throughout my life, which has made things difficult.

And just because the reverend listen, don't mean he care
Just because someone is willing to listen to me does not mean that they truly care about me or my problems.

Pops on crack with a sufferin' past
My father suffered from drug addiction, which has impacted my upbringing and past experiences.

I dream in black and white, the world color me bad
I often have negative dreams and see the world as being filled with negativity and darkness.

Other than sad, painful and stress
My life has been filled with sadness, pain, and stress.

Life is good with the webs that, tangle with death
Even in the face of death and danger, life can still be good and worth living.

Control the border, control the school
Those who control the borders and schools have immense power and influence over society and its people.

I have sinned amongst men and my soul is yours, yours
I have committed numerous sins and am asking for forgiveness and redemption from a higher power.