I ain't the same nigga that I once was
I have changed and developed as a person.

I lost my fucking mind and then I fell in love
My emotional state changed drastically and unexpectedly.

I did a bunch of drugs because I couldn't sleep
I resorted to substance abuse in order to cope with my insomnia.

I lost a couple months, I chipped my fucking teeth
I lost track of time and suffered physical harm as a result of my destructive behavior.

And there's a couple women, and they know some things
There are women who are aware of my past mistakes and secrets.

About lies that I done told and shit that I done said
These women know about the lies I have told and the mistakes I have made.

And niggas that I robbed, so I'm real paranoid
Because of my past actions, I am constantly fearful of retribution from those I have wronged.

I have voices in my head
I struggle with internal conflicts and insecurities.

Hi, my name is Merlyn
I am introducing myself to the listener.

I just applied for food stamps
I am currently experiencing financial hardship.

I just moved to California, with my boy band
I am a member of a musical group that relocated to California.

Dropped out of a good school
I left a reputable educational institution.

Hippies in my commune
I live in a communal living space with like-minded individuals.

I left 'fore the rent was due
I left before I was required to pay rent.

Used to want a briefcase
I used to aspire to have a professional career.

And a short commute
I wanted a job that was close to my home.

Used to wanna sell coke
I used to have aspirations to participate in illegal drug trade.

And whip an Audi Coupe, crazy if I did that
It would be unwise for me to act on my former aspirations.

Wouldn't be talking to you
I would not be here in my current state if I acted on my former desires.

Walking through the pit falls
I am navigating the difficulties and challenges of life.

Of a college student
I am referring to the challenges and pressures of being a student in higher education.

Crazy how you get them letters
It is surprising how much value is placed on academic achievement and degrees.

And they make you feel accepted 'til you
Academic achievements can give a sense of belonging and acceptance, but only to a certain extent.

Walking 'round the campus and
I am describing the experience of walking around a college campus.

You the only African
I feel isolated as the only person of color in my current environment.

Nobody would pass 'em, just cats that take directions well
I feel that others around me are blindly obedient and do not think critically or creatively.

Take acid trips to find themselves
Some people use psychedelic drugs to explore their own thoughts and emotions.

Well
This is a simple interjection used to end the verse.

I'm trying to look for motivation of smaller things
I am searching for inspiration in the little details of life.

But baby steps to my atonement when I foster dreams
By pursuing my ambitions, I am making progress towards redemption.

I've been told I'm too transparent with my thoughts sometimes
Others have criticized me for being too open and vocal about my innermost feelings and thoughts.

So I wrote songs until they pass, and I can fall in line
I channel my emotions and thoughts into music and lyrics, which helps me to conform to societal expectations.

I fell apart the moment that you thought you found yourself
When someone I cared about discovered their own identity, it caused me to unravel emotionally.

'Cause I knew at that point I couldn't be in the equation anymore
I realized that I was not compatible with this person once they discovered their true identity.

But moving on with open, broken hearts
Despite the pain and heartbreak, we must continue forward.

Will show you everything you need to see about yourself to start moving forward
By facing our own pain and learned lessons, we can progress and grow as individuals.

So many things I wanna say that I'm not sure need to be known
I have many thoughts and feelings I want to express, but I am unsure if they should be shared.

But everybody swears they fucking know me
Others believe they know me well, despite not knowing the extent of my thoughts and emotions.

So why don't I lay every card I'm holding on the table
Why not be completely honest and vulnerable about who I am and what I think and feel?

At that point, I wonder what they'd show me
I am curious about how others would react and respond to my vulnerability.

I almost lost my father
I nearly experienced the loss of my father.

Still surreal for me to think about
It is difficult for me to process and comprehend this traumatic event.

Considering how many of my friends have lost theirs
I am reflecting on how common it is to lose a parent, especially among my peers.

I never know if what I'm saying is the right thing
I struggle with knowing whether or not I am making the correct decisions in life.

If not, I'm ready more than ever for the crosshairs
I am prepared to accept the consequences of my actions, even if they are negative.

It's all fair when it's not you
People are often indifferent to the misfortunes of others.

Some people have angels
Some people have good fortune and support in their lives.

What if only shadows follow you?
What if you only experience negative events and emotions?

And all the ghosts inside that seem to hollow you
I am haunted by past traumas and experiences that have made me feel hollow and empty inside.

The branches of the weeping willow start to swallow you
I am feeling overwhelmed and swallowed up by my negative emotions and experiences.

And then you realize you're exactly where you're supposed to be
With introspection and acceptance, one can realize they are on the right path in life.

The horizon clears
The future becomes more clear and positive.

You wipe the tears
You move past your pain and sadness.

And all the skeletons are ready for your story
You are ready to confront and share your past experiences and trauma.