D.I.V.O.R.C.E
Billy Connolly Lyrics


Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴  Line by Line Meaning ↴

Our little dog is six years old, and he's smart as any damn kid.
But when you mention the V. E. T. He damn near flips his lid.
Words like S. H. O. T. Shot or W. O. Are. M. Worm,
These are words which make him S. Q. You. I. Are. M. Squirm.
His Q. You. A. Are. A. N. T. I. N. E starts today,
Because he bit the V. E. T. And then he ran away.
He caused me and my wife to have a big fight, and then, both of them bit me.
And that's why I am gonnae get a D. I. V. O. Are. C. E.

She shouted "get him Rover," and he jumped over, and bit my L. E. G.
She sank her teeth in my B. You. M. And called me an effin B.
Well I'm telling you, that was my cue, to get O. F. F.-ski
And I'm going down to the town tonight to get a new B. I. Are. D.

Oh yes his Q. You. A. Are. A. N. T. I. N. E starts today.
Both my wife and my wee scabby dug will soon be hauled away.
That's why I spell out all these words, so as my dog can't hear.
Oh I must admit that dog is acting Q. You. E. Are. Queer.





Oh, I must admit that dog is acting Q. You. E. Are. Queer.

Overall Meaning

The lyrics to Billy Connolly's song D.I.V.O.R.C.E. describe a hilarious situation where the idea of going to the vet with their pet dog causes so much anxiety and stress that it leads to a big fight between the couple. The dog, who is smart and aware of what's going on, almost loses his mind when he hears words like "shot" or "worm." The dog bites the vet and runs away, causing the couple to have a massive argument. The wife calls for the dog to attack the husband, and in the process, the man gets bitten by both wife and dog.


Amidst all this chaos, the man decides to file for a divorce. He can no longer handle the madness and strife that this pet-non-pet is causing in his life. The lyrics provide a comical commentary on how a small thing such as a visit to the vet can lead to severe consequences, and in this case, it's resulting in the end of a relationship. The dog's behavior and the couple's reactions to it highlight the absurdity of the situation and evoke laughter from the audience.


Overall, the song is a humorous take on a divorcing couple's situation, where the dog's antics become a massive contributing factor. It's a lighthearted way of looking at a situation that can be quite challenging in real life.


Line by Line Meaning

Our little dog is six years old, and he's smart as any damn kid.
Billy's dog is intelligent but gets agitated when hearing certain words related to the vet.


But when you mention the V. E. T. He damn near flips his lid.
Mentioning the word 'vet' makes the dog act overly excited and agitated.


Words like S. H. O. T. Shot or W. O. Are. M. Worm,
Words like 'shot' or 'worm' cause the dog to become uncomfortable and agitated.


These are words which make him S. Q. You. I. Are. M. Squirm.
The dog becomes restless and uncomfortable when certain words are mentioned due to his association with them.


His Q. You. A. Are. A. N. T. I. N. E starts today,
The dog is starting his quarantine period because he bit the vet and ran away.


Because he bit the V. E. T. And then he ran away.
The dog bit the vet and then escaped, leading to his quarantine period.


He caused me and my wife to have a big fight, and then, both of them bit me.
The incident involving the dog biting the vet caused an argument between Billy and his wife, which then led to them both biting him.


And that's why I am gonnae get a D. I. V. O. Are. C. E.
Due to the argument, Billy has decided to get a divorce from his wife.


She shouted "get him Rover," and he jumped over, and bit my L. E. G.
During the incident, Billy's wife called for their other dog Rover, who then proceeded to bite Billy on the leg.


She sank her teeth in my B. You. M. And called me an effin B.
During the argument, Billy's wife bit him on the butt and called him a derogatory name.


Well I'm telling you, that was my cue, to get O. F. F.-ski
After being bitten and insulted, Billy decided it was time to leave the situation.


And I'm going down to the town tonight to get a new B. I. Are. D.
Billy is going into the town to find a new bird, likely as a form of self-care after the ordeal.


Both my wife and my wee scabby dug will soon be hauled away.
Billy's wife and dog are both going to be removed from his life in some way.


That's why I spell out all these words, so as my dog can't hear.
Billy spells out certain words related to the vet so as to prevent his dog from becoming too agitated.


Oh I must admit that dog is acting Q. You. E. Are. Queer.
Billy acknowledges that his dog's behavior is strange, likely due to the stress and quarantine period he is experiencing.




Contributed by Isaac L. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
To comment on or correct specific content, highlight it

Genre not found
Artist not found
Album not found
Song not found
Comments from YouTube:

@geozeo710

Billy is the undisputed king of stand up.... Can hold a tune as well :)

@robmcguire7534

seems to be a trend with old style comedian's, Roy and Bernard are/were vocally blessed.

@jordanpuri4129

The Godfather of standup. Legend of a man.

@lediabolique5822

Ah, such great memories of my childhood. I wasn't always allowed to see Billy Connoly - because of the swearing - but this song was deemed 'acceptable' by my Mum!

@24934637

Pure genius. It'll be a sad say when he isn't around anymore.

@mikryan5846

What, you are upset that he will die eventually, you are the guy kneeling down to read the tiny writing on his grave stone

@FabulousIcedDonut

>Monty Python< 'I'm not dead yet'

@derekfinlay1739

Comedy genius legend

@ozbondwizard8487

Jesus Christ! Is that the time already?

@MrClassicInTheMaking

Everybody: You can't make spelling funny.
Billy: Hold my beer.

More Comments

More Versions