Funny Think Religion
Billy Connolly Lyrics


We have lyrics for these tracks by Billy Connolly:


All The Best People Do It You say that I am out of touch To me that…
Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite For the benefit of Mr. Kite There will be a…
Blood And Glory Don't you feel like talkin' to a man who's fed…
Coconut Tree I live under the coconut tree I lie in the sun…
Cripple Creek Well I married a wife in the month of June, Married…
Cruisin' I'm cruisin', I'm on a river of blue I'm cruisin', I'm…
D.I.V.O.R.C.E Our little dog is six years old, and he's smart…
D.I.V.O.R.C.E. Some weeks ago I heard this song This song I'm about…
Glasgow Oh I was born in Glasgow, near the centre of…
Glasgow Central Last train to Glasgow Central Last train to Glasgow Central …
Her father didn The coat she wore still lies upon the bed The book…
I Can Every time I'm away I think about you I wish that…
I Wish I Was in Glasgow Oh I wish I was in Glasgow With some good…
If It Was 'Nae for Your Wellies Chorus If it wisnae fur yer wellies Wherewud you be? You'd b…
in the brownies Young man, are you tired of the scouts, I said…
Keep It To Yourself I walk along the street and wonder what to do I'd…
Leo McGuire's Song Ah wis headin' wi ma cromack up frae Gretna Green…
Look Over The Hill And Far Away Look over the hill and far away We'll see the start…
Near You NEAR YOU I could sing you sad songs, Sing you songs, to…
Oh Oh dear, what can the matter be? I'm scaird tae go…
Please Sing A Song For Us Walk in, sit down, open up your case Tune up, and…
Rick Rack Rick rack, rickety rack See the train go along the track Whe…
Sergeant Where's Mine? I'm lyin' in bed, I'm in room twenty-six Thinkin' on things…
Shoe Shine Boy Shoeshine boy, he's makin' his money workin' dowtown on Main…
Song For Simon Walk in, sit down, open up your case Tune up, and…
Steamboat Row My daddy was a miner, said there was nothing finer Than…
Talkin' Blues Telah ku cuba memintal kasihmu Biar menjadi ikatan abadi Nam…
Tell Laura I Love Her Billy Connolly: Tell Laura I Love Her ----------------------…
the C Our little dog is six years old, and he's smart…
The evil Scotsman If your looking for trouble, Your in the right place, Don'…
The Jobbie Weecha !!!! / Please Help Me, I'm Falling las garras de un terrible ser desplumaban un angel en el…
The Short Haired Police Cadet Ah'll be yer short haired police cadet fae Maryhill, I'll ca…
The Welly Boot Song Wellies they are wonderful, oh wellies they are swell, Cau…
Three Men From Carntyne Three men fae Carntyne went tae join the parish Three men…
Two Little Boys In Blue Two little boys had two little toys, a whistle and…



Wellies If it wisnae fur yer wellys where wid ye be you'd…


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Most interesting comments from YouTube:

21stCentury Ozman

Legend, Mr Connolly!

@ 2:15 – “I’m naked, I have an erection”.

Been there, done that.

It was a Saturday morning, 1980, nine o’clock. The doorbell: Ring, ring, ring!

Oh come on! It’s nine in the bloody morning! Jesus F Christ!

With no further thought, I approached the door and flung it open as the damn bell jangled again, and there I found your typical Jehovah’s family ready to Witness to me: Mum, Dad, and two mini-Witnesses in their anachronistic ‘little man’ and ‘little woman’ togs, all armed with Watchtowers and Awakes.

I’d barely managed to croak out “Good morning” when their eyes suffered an instant and extreme glaucoma attack: their eyeballs stood out on stalks and were as large as golf balls. They were, I realised, focused not on the cloud of pot smoke I’d blown at them but on my crotch.

As mentioned, I was naked. What I didn’t mention was that, so recently out of bed, I was still sporting my Morning Glory, my Jolly Roger, at better than half mast. I hadn’t noticed or thought of it because it was so normal at that time of day.

By the time my “Good morning” reached their ears, the parents were reversing rapidly down the stairs, dragging spellbound and ever-backward-glancing gog-eyed JWs minor after them. There was much muttering from the elders, impossible to discern word from word; however, the tones of voice, the barely-hushed panic and urgency, and the mortified expressions certainly conveyed the notion that perhaps I’d spoiled their morning.

When they reached my front gate they had difficulty unlatching it in their panicked clumsiness.

Being the ever-helpful fellow I am, I advanced toward them to assist their exit – joint a-hand, smoke billowing from my dragon nostrils, and with Roger still somewhat jolly and ‘attentive’.

I didn’t reach those hapless proselytisers before they bolted over the fence, the mother snagging her long, ‘humble’ witnessing dress on thorns and showing far too much petticoat for a Good Christian Lady. Father, with lightning speed, lifted the minors over the gate and, without care for the fabric, ripped his wife’s dress from the thorns and dashed for their car.

Can you imagine their next missionary report, in front of fellow Witnesses at their Kingdom Hall? Surely a tale of derring-do, of the sheer bravery of Jehovah’s very own Witnesses’ escape from the jaws of “that slavering, fire-breathing, two-headed, sword-brandishing, child-eating ogre from 33 Fletcher Street”.

And no doubt there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth, fervent praying, even exorcising to ‘undo the damage’ inflicted on two of God’s Innocent Child Witnesses.

Screw 'em!



Mr. D. C.

Isa 9:6 the word Prince in the Prince of Peace means PATRON ANGEL also Leader. WHO IS the ONE LEADER that we have? Jesus. Now, that same exact Hebrew word was used for Daniel 12:1 which is used for Michael the Archangel. So are you saying there are MANY LEADERS now?

JESUS IS LORD! His Lordship was MADE - See Acts 2. Who is the Sovereign Lord? He is different from Jesus as mentioned in Acts 4:24, 26, 30
There is no term God of gods or Creator or Maker used for Jesus.Acts 4:24 - who is NOT Jesus and who is called Sovereign Lord - "one accord to God and said: “Sovereign Lord, you are the One who made the heaven and the earth " Who is TOTALLY DIFFERENT from Jesus who is the Anointed and the Sovereign Lord's SERVANT as Acts 4:30 mentioned "through the name of YOUR holy servant Jesus.”" Acts 4:26 - one against Jehovah and against his ANOINTED one.

GOD IS NOT A LITERAL TORTURER. GOD is LOVE. He only gives eternal life to those who exercise faith in him and his Son (John 3:16, John 14:1) and NOT TO WICKED people. The Wicked will VANISH AND WILL BE NO MORE. Psalms 37:20

How many is Jehovah? Trinitarians say there are THREE Jehovah. What does the Bible say? There is ONE JEHOVAH and NOT THREE JEHOVAH. Deut 6:4. - “Listen, O Israel: Jehovah our God is one Jehovah

WHO IS THE STAR IN NUMBERS 24:17? That is Jesus. It is the same Hebrew word used in Job 38:7 for the morning stars. So as Jesus is called THE BRIGHT morning star (REV 22:16) so also are the other morning stars(angels). So Jesus is the CHIEF Angel with the archangel's voice (1 Thes 4:16). Jesus is called Prince of Peace in Isa 9:6 and the original Hebrew word for Prince means PATRON ANGEL which is the same Hebrew Word used for Michael the archangel in Daniel.

Jesus is the High Priest and the High Priest is NOT GOD himself.

GOD DOES NOT WORSHIP HIMSELF : John 4:22 -You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, because salvation begins with the Jews.
Jesus Included himself IN WORSHIPPING THE FATHER. ONLY A CREATION WILL WORSHIP GOD.

If the holy Spirit is a PERSON then now you have MANY PERSONS IN ONE GOD. REV 5:6 - seven eyes, and the eyes mean the seven spirits of God.SO NOW YOU HAVE ADDITIONAL SEVEN PERSONS IN GOD.

Who is the cause of Salvation? Both GOD and the lamb are saviors, Rev 7:9-10, even Jesus needed to be saved by the Father from death as the Father is the SOURCE OF LIFE AND SALVATION , Hebrews 5:7 & John 5:26 - THE FATHER GAVE THE SON LIFE.

Does the Bible called Jesus MADE AND BORN? Yes! JESUS is the Messiah and a CREATION BY GOD! He is called “BORN OF/FROM GOD”. (1 JOHN 5:18) Hebrews 1:5 showed that Jesus was MADE/BORN (orig Greek-gennaw). Also it says "he will become my son" Notice, FUTURE TENSE, WILL, so before that the SON DID NOT EXIST. If you are BORN AND MADE then you are a creation. , Hebrews 1:5 mentions I WILL BECOME HIS FATHER, so Jesus relationship with the Father has a BEGINNING, When ? it was TODAY. TODAY implies a beginning.

When did Jesus become SON? Even before Jesus became human he is called SON , Prov 30:4

Was Jesus GIVEN LIFE?
He is called the firstborn and beginning of the CREATION BY GOD (COL 1, Revelation ) Also john 5:26 mentions that the FATHER GAVE JESUS, THE SON, with LIFE. If Jesus was given LIFE OR EVEN ETERNAL LIFE, then Jesus does not have life or eternal life before those were given to him. Notice, the Father was NOT given life.
JESUS was MADE LORD (ACTS 2:36).JOHN 6:57 – Jesus Said “ I LIVE BEC OF THE FATHER” SO JESUS’ LIFE was dependent on the Father and his SOURCE OF LIFE/Eternal Life IS THE FATHER as John 5:26 states as well. 1john 5:1 - Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born from God,+ and everyone who loves the one who caused to be born loves him who has been born from that one . who is this that HAS BEEN BORN from that one? That is Jesus! 1 John 5:18 - Jesus is called BORN FROM GOD JESUS IS BORN FROM GOD, 1 JOHN 5:18 - We know that everyone who has been born from God does not practice sin, but the one born from God* watches him, and the wicked one cannot take hold of him . WHO is the ONE BORN FROM GOD that watches us and protects us and who does not sin? JESUS CHRIST!


HAS ANYONE SEEN GOD?
NO MAN HAS SEEN GOD and if they see GOD's face THEY WILL DIE. Jesus was seen by many and they didn't DIE so Jesus Is Not The Almighty God. Jesus is called SON even before coming to earth as human. Exo 33:20 states "“You cannot see my face, for no man can see me and live.”" NO MAN CAN SEE ME, notice ME , you think ME IS NOT LITERAL? IT IS LITERAL "ME" WHO IS GOD.

GOD IS FROM FOREVER:
John 1:1 mentions the WORD WAS IN THE BEGINNING, so Jesus was LIMITED "IN THE BEGINNING" Unlike GOD who is FROM FOREVER (Psalms 90:2).

Is "a god" a valid translation in John 1:1? Sahidic Coptic translation uses an indefinite article with the word “god” in the final part of John 1:1.
The Greek used in the BIble does not have an indefinite article "a" so that's why you don't see the "a" in John 1:1, The Sahidic Coptic translation uses an indefinite article with the word “god” in the final part of John 1:1. again, john 1:1 about theos - Strong's Concordance theos: God, a god , so "a god" is a valid translation. "The NAS New Testament Greek Lexicon" defines theos as "a god" as well. so it is a valid translation. Also Thayer's Greek Lexicon also defines theos as "a god" so it is a valid translation

Is Jesus the same as Jehovah? Jesus is the SON. Jehovah is Our FATHER (Isa 63:16). Even the trinity doctrine states the SON IS NOT THE FATHER, so Jesus is NOT JEHOVAH

How many person is GOD? God said " I am God Almighty", The use of I am, means GOD is ONE PERSON. Do you use I am, me, myself, me alone for ONE LITERAL PERSON or THREE PERSONS? You only use those phrases for ONE literal person and NEVER FOR THREE PERSONS.

Is Jesus described as a Morning Star like the Angels? Yes. Rev 22:16 - 16 “‘I, Jesus, sent my angel to bear witness to you about these things for the congregations. I am the root and the offspring of David+ and the bright morning star.’”+ JESUS IS THE BRIGHT MORNING STAR, Angels are also called morning stars in Job 38:7, so Jesus is the BRIGHT OR CHIEF OF THE ANGELS (archangel) as 1 Thessalonians 4:16 mentions.

What does Firsborn means?
So depending on the context the firstborn can be the chief, principal, or first in time or place or rank. Still though, when you use the firstborn with an OF, “firstborn OF”, because of the OF , that means the firstborn BELONGS TO THE GROUP, just like when you say firstborn of the sheep. The firstborn is a sheep. So Jesus belongs to the group of creation, firstborn of all creation.

Does John 8:58 correlate with Exodus 3? In Exodus 3, GOD is called I WILL BECOME (not I am) and does not correlate with John 8:58
Word: DID Pronounce: haw-yaw Use: TWOT-491 Verb 1) to be, become, come to pass, exist, happen, fall out


Jehovah is called GOD of gods, who are these gods? if you say that those are all false gods, then you are saying that GOD is like Satan as he is God of all false gods. Those gods exist, just like King of kings, those kings exist.

Is Jehovah, GOD's name? Psalms 83:18.
Strong's No.: H3068 Hebrew: יְהֹוָה Transliteration: Yᵉhôvâh Phonetic: yeh-ho-vaw'" and even the BIBLE mentions the God's followers containing his name. Jehoshaphat, jehu, etc. With all Jehovah, the God of the Bible. Yes. Jehovah is God in the Bible, the Our Father (JEHOVAH) ISA 63 AND WHO IS JAH , JEHOVAH that is WORTHY OF PRAISE AND GLORY! ISA 26:4 - 4 Trust in Jehovah forever,h For Jah* Jehovah is the eternal Rock.

JEHOSHAPHAT(MATTHEW 1 :8) - Easton's Bible Dictionary Jehovah-judged. Easton's Bible Dictionary Jehovah-judged. Smith's Bible Dictionary Jehoshaphat - (whom Jehovah judges.) Yup, JEHOVAH is the name of GOD IN THE BIBLE as his followers have the name of Jehovah in their name.

What was Jesus role in creation? He is the Master Worker (Prov 8) and a channel used by GOD in the creation.
Notice the TWO WORDS translated as By/Through in Col 1:16 – 1. En - a primary preposition denoting (fixed) position (in place, time or state), and (by implication) instrumentality (medially or constructively),.. Notice it says INSTRUMENTALITY 2. Dia - a primary preposition denoting the channel of an act Notice it says CHANNEL OF AN ACT So Colossians 1:16 simply mentions that Jesus is USED BY GOD AS A CHANNEL OF AN ACT, AN INSTRUMENT in the Creation. Compare that to GOD in 1 Cor 8:6 , notice for God the Father he uses the word EK - or ex ex a primary preposition denoting ORIGIN (the point whence action or motion proceeds), from, out (of place, time, or cause; literal or figurative; direct or remote):- Notice GOD the Father is the ORIGIN/FROM ,THE SOURCE FROM WHOM ALL THINGS are created. BIG DIFFERENCE. So the FATHER IS the ORIGIN of all things. For JEsus, it didn;t use the word Origin but "THrough" which in the Original Greek word also means "a primary preposition denoting the channel of an act". So God the Father is like the WRITER, he used his Son as a channel of a act to write (like a pen). So the only writer is the Father, the Son was used as a channel and NOT THE ORIGIN of creation. This is confirmed by Jesus in John 5:19 - " Jesus said to them: “Most truly I say to you, the Son cannot do a single thing of his own initiative, but only what he sees the Father doing.+" JESUS CANNOT DO A SINGLE THING , his FATHER always guide him.



All comments from YouTube:

Canalcoholic

Best part of lockdowns:- haven’t seen a JW for almost 2 years.

Thomas Lennox

I got a handwritten letter from one a few weeks ago with some pamphlets.

Michael Rawson

Canalcoholic:... REALLY??? THAT was the best part of lockdown for you?? Don't misunderstand, I don't want the JWs OR the bloody Mormons at my door, but overall, I'd say the best part of lockdowns were:
-The thick end of 200 days furlough.
-4/5ths salary for doing bugger all.
-(Within certain parameters) as much freedom to roam alone as I wanted. (Hiking)
-(In the first lockdown) a prolonged period of some of the hottest, most beautiful weather I've seen in years... weeks of it!!!
-silent streets.
-quiet roads.
Bloody marvellous!!!!!!!!!!

Allen Jenkins

@Susan Farley At least the Morons will go away if you ask them politely. The Jehoovers Witlesses need to be told very rudely and usually more than once.

Allen Jenkins

I haven't even seen them down in the town, with their little mobile stand of fairy story comic books, let alone doorknocking.

luigi1456

I haven't seen them, but I've had hand written letters from them, which are fricken hilarious

7 More Replies...

Markus Freund

Whenever anyone wants to talk to me about God or Jesus, my standard reply is: "Splendid, what do you want to know?" Works like a charm. ^^

AdirondackBuzzard

Back around 1990 or so, the trailer park I was living in had three families of Jehovah's Witnesses that lived in the back of the park, and they would get together about once a month and do their recruiting drives. I was at my friend's place, and you had to know this kid, he was about 14 then but was a rough customer even then. He smoked, drank, had tattoos because his mother couldn't care less. Well, the Jehovah's Witnesses parked near the front of his house and he told me to keep an eye on them until they came to the front door. Now, this kid was a HUGE Motley Crue fan, was even wearing a Crue t-shirt at the time. While he had me keeping watch for one, he was getting a tape cued up in the cassette player and then cranked the volume up. When this guy came to the front door, I told him and my friend un-paused the tape, which was right on Motley Crue's "Shout at the Devil". My friend threw open the front door and said to the Jehovah's Witness "What the fu** do you want, I'm in the middle of a goat sacrifice!" and then slammed the door. This guy practically ran back to his car. From that point on, if we ever walked or rode our bikes past where they lived, they would come out and yell, telling my friend he was possessed by evil or something like that.

turkeybeard 2010

My kin is a wicken, she greated a bunch at her door wearing a plage mask and they took off running.

Edinburgh Urbanmeister

This friend of yours is a star. End of. What a brilliant thing to do. Plus, the cherry on the cake, 'he was possessed by evil...' Perfect. I take it he's a millionaire now in something or other. Outstanding and thanks for the post. Loved it.

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