I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks
Bloodhound Gang Lyrics


Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴  Line by Line Meaning ↴

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too

Want to see how many push-ups I can do?
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig

Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo

Phony
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would be easy

'Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonymous with
'Super dumb'
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon
I'd become

That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes

The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy
Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't want to be a queen

I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he
Talks like this

And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
And I don't shave my heiny





Don't shave my heiny
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly

Overall Meaning

At first glance, the lyrics to Bloodhound Gang's song "I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks" may seem a bit odd or even offensive. However, as with most of the band's music, the song is meant to be satirical and somewhat tongue-in-cheek. The lyrics depict the singer's frustration with not being able to attract women and his (half-joking) desire to be gay in order to have an easier time with the opposite sex.


The lyrics are somewhat controversial, as they play on several stereotypes about both gay and straight individuals. For example, the line "See I'm not queer I'm too ugly" seems to reinforce the idea that gay men are always attractive, while the singer's assumption that women would treat him better if he were gay speaks to a stereotype that women are more comfortable around gay men than straight men.


Overall, the song is intended to be funny and somewhat absurd. It's important to understand the context and intent behind the lyrics in order to appreciate the humor.


Line by Line Meaning

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
I am sexually attracted to your rear end and would perform oral sex on it


My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
I had a homosexual experience in Home Ec. class with my friend Jerry Vandergrift


Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I was beaten up by some military men in the locker room


I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too
I tried to prove my masculinity by saying that I like Monster Trucks


Want to see how many push-ups I can do?
I am attempting to impress others with my physical strength


I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks
I desire to be homosexual because I believe it would make me more attractive to women


Chicks dig guys that are
Women find attractive men who are


Queer guys that don't dig
Homosexual men who are not attracted to women


Chicks that don't dig guys like me
There are women who are not attracted to me


See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
I am not homosexual, but rather too physically unattractive to attract women


But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
If I were more physically attractive, my life would be better


Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo
I would pretend to be homosexual in order to attract women, even though I am not truly homosexual


Phony
This behavior would be fake or inauthentic


Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
This idea may be foolish or simply unintelligent


But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
If I worked in the fashion industry and was homosexual


Scoring with a super model would be easy
I believe it would be simple to have sex with a super model


'Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonymous with
The label 'super model' often implies being attractive and thin, but can also be associated with


'Super dumb'
A negative stereotype of models being unintelligent


Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon
I would act as a good friend to the model and hope to become closer to her


I'd become
I believe I could become her boyfriend or sexual partner


That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
I would provide emotional and physical support to the model as a friend


No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
I believe I could easily become sexually involved with her


Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
My physical attributes and genitalia are determined by my genetics


The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
I only eat meat products made by Jimmy Dean


See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
I do not like the scent of Vaseline


No I'm not Princess Di and I don't want to be a queen
I do not desire to have a royal status or identity


Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
I believe I would need to adopt a stereotypically gay name if I were homosexual


Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this
I would likely spend time with a stereotypically gay hairdresser named Kip


And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
If I were homosexual, I might cross-dress and enjoy Broadway musicals


And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I would have an appreciation for Depeche Mode music and experimental ballet


And I don't shave my heiny
I do not shave my buttocks




Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
Written by: JAMES M. FRANKS

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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