Why's Everybody Always Pickin' on Me?
Bloodhound Gang Lyrics

Why is everbody always pickin' on me?
The singer is curious as to why he is constantly targeted by others.

The morn' that I was born my old man beat up the doctor
The singer's father assaulted the doctor attending the birth.

He clocked the doctor cause the doctor said I looked like Chewbacca
The doctor compared the newborn baby's appearance to that of Chewbacca and the father attacked him.

The doctor said sir you're misled sir which infers you mistook me
The doctor attempted to explain that he meant no offense but was misunderstood by the father.

I did not mean your lovely wife was shackin' up with a wookie
The doctor clarifies that he was not implying the father's wife slept with Chewbacca.

What I mean is Wolverine is less hairy than your son
The doctor attempts to explain that the newborn's appearance is more hairy than Wolverine.

He's looks like Chewie Baba Booey Baba Booey and a Hong Kong Phooey all in one
The doctor compares the baby to various hairy fictional characters.

To put it mild your new-born child's completely nutty fu-fu lookin'
The doctor goes on to explain that the baby's appearance is unusual.

I'd shove him back into the oven until he is done cookin'
The doctor humorously suggests sending the baby back to the womb until fully matured.

But why's everbody always pickin' on me?
The artist reiterates his confusion as to why he is constantly targeted by others.

'Cause my fifteen-year-old cousin has less acne
The singer finds it unfair that he is constantly singled out when his cousin has worse acne.

Ain't brushed them teeth since 1983
The artist admits to not having brushed his teeth in decades.

'Cause you've got the grooming habits of a chimpanzee
The singer is criticized for having poor hygiene habits.

'Cause you're white but got a nose like Bill Cosby
The singer's nose is compared to that of Bill Cosby despite being white.

Always pickin' and rippin' apart poor ol' Jimmy Pop Ali
The singer, Jimmy Pop Ali, is constantly subjected to criticism and ridicule.

I got a schnoz like the ''cause' but there's a lot more wrong with you
While the artist's nose is criticized, there are many other aspects that are perceived as flawed.

So back me up Bill yea and you're ugly too
Bill is asked to support the artist but is insulted in the process.

So what if I brush my teeth with a piece of cheddar cheese
The singer sarcastically defends his poor hygiene habits.

Or wear a fish net shirt by Chams with my Sergio Valenti jeans
The singer is confident in his fashion choices despite criticism.

And my mirror never lies but it always verifies
The artist claims he trusts his reflection for affirmation of his appearance.

You compare me to a Monchichi but I don't understand
The artist is compared to a stuffed toy called Monchichi, which he does not understand.

Why I'm scorned like I'm deformed like the Elephant Man
The artist feels unfairly judged and ridiculed as though he has a physical deformity like the Elephant Man.

And yea I took my mom to the prom but hey she asked me first
The singer took his mother to prom but claims it was her idea.

But at least this time I didn't find my date in the back of a hearse
The artist had a terrible experience at prom in the past but is relieved that it did not happen again.

About as popular with the girls with Englebert Humperdink
The singer has poor luck with women comparable to Englebert Humperdink.

And that might be 'cause everybody calls me Shrinky Dink
The singer's nickname is Shrinky Dink, possibly indicative of his lack of physical stature.

I know I'm known as Polaroid I'm not a total retard
The singer is also known as Polaroid but insists he is not completely foolish.

It's cause I'm done in sixty seconds and you'll still want it enlarged
The artist claims to have a quick performance but also suggests that others still want more.

'Cause ya wore velour flares until the late Eighties
The artist's outdated fashion sense is criticized.

'Cause you run like a girl and sit down to pee
The singer's lack of athleticism and perceived femininity are used to mock him.

'Cause your only school chum was the lunch lady
The singer is mocked for having a close relationship with the school lunch lady.

'Cause no one likes you monkey boy
The artist is disliked by others, possibly because of his hairy appearance.

Like that episode where Gilligan gets sick of being teased
The artist compares himself to Gilligan, a character from a TV show who is constantly teased.

And he breaks into the Professor's lab and makes some LSD
Gilligan resorts to making LSD in order to cope with the teasing.

Peaks freaks and eats the Skipper's brains then beats Ginger with coconuts
Gilligan has a violent outburst and harms other characters on the show.

As Mr. Howell and Lovey burn alive inside their grass hut
Two other characters on the show die a horrific death while Gilligan is in his violent outburst.

Oh he'll kill again that Gilligan they he should of let him be
The singer reflects on the negative consequences of Gilligan's violent outburst.

And like a postal clerk I'll go beserk if you don't stop teasing me
The singer warns that he may react violently if the teasing continues.

See the trick is only pick on those that can't do you no harm
The singer suggests that others should only pick on those who are no threat to them.

Like the drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The artist suggests the drummer from Def Leppard as a suitable target for teasing as he only has one arm.