You're Pretty When I'm Drunk
Bloodhound Gang Lyrics

One night me and the crew hit the road on a mission
We went out on a mission with the crew one night

To slurp free brew and go fuzzy flounder fishin'
We went out to get free beer and fish for flounder

Kayjees on the hi-fi and the keg was bottomless
Kayjees was playing on the stereo and the keg seemed never-ending

Until we brought skip o' pot2mus
Until we brought our friend, skip o' pot2mus

And daddy's gonna get some probably underage and dumb
I plan to hook up with someone young and possibly underage

And everybody knows that the daddy eats his young
I have a reputation for sleeping with younger women

Lupus in the lavatory making a big stink
My friend Lupus is in the bathroom and causing a commotion

Macing up the toilet seat and pooping in the sink
He's spraying air freshener in the bathroom and using the sink as a toilet

M.S.G.'s tanked up and wizzin' in a cup
Another friend, M.S.G., is drunk and peeing in a cup

Waiting for a sprinkle genie to come and drink it up
He's hoping a creature will come and drink his urine

'Cause I'm the one bottle willy with the twelve horse ale
I'm drinking lots of beer and feeling invincible

After that I get silly like soupy sales
Once I'm drunk, I act silly like the comedian Soupy Sales

Now it's midnight and I'm completely boofy blitzed
It's midnight and I'm super drunk

A six of Schlitz and the Jew brew Manischewitz
I've been drinking Schlitz beer and Manischewitz wine

With my beer-tinted glasses I'm ready to bitty battle
Feeling tipsy, I'm ready to get into a fight

I'm hungry like the wolf but I'll end up tending cattle
I'm really hungry, but I'll probably end up doing something boring instead

'Cause you're pretty when I'm drunk
I find you attractive when I'm drunk

(You're pretty when I'm drunk)
I'm emphasizing that I only find you attractive when I'm drunk

(And I'm pretty fuckin' drunk)
Just to reiterate, I'm very drunk right now

Here she comes, a funky fried cutie
A cute woman is approaching us

Mr. Jimmy Pop Ali is gonna get some booty
I plan to hook up with her

'Cause I'm Mr. Mcfeelie with a speedy delivery
I'm confident in my ability to flirt with and seduce her quickly

You'd think I was a ditch the way this chick was diggin' me
She's really into me and showing it

But maybe I should check and see if this is where I want to be
I'm realizing I should consider whether I actually want to sleep with her

Hey lupus is she cut, yeah for a pygmie
I ask my friend Lupus if he thinks she's attractive

Aw, what do you know, you're probably going home alone
I dismiss his opinion and insult him

And it wouldn't be the first time that I gave a dog a bone
I've been known to hook up with unattractive people before

Plus beauty, it's only skin deep
Looks aren't everything

It's in the eye of the beholder and my beholder's about to tweak
Beauty is subjective, and in my drunken state, I might find her even more attractive than usual

I could tap that barrel, in fact I know I can
I'm confident I can sleep with her

It's a ménage à trois you and me and Heineken
I'm suggesting that the three of us could have sex together

Regrets I've had a few
I have some regrets

First and foremost I'd like to mention you
My biggest regret involves you

For the sake of conversation we'll call you the brand new heavy
To talk about you, I'll call you the 'brand new heavy'

Your a mix between an Ugnaut and Eugene Levy
I'm insulting your physical appearance by comparing you to two unattractive people

You had harpoon scars and your boobies were hairy
Your breasts were unattractive and had hair on them

I smelt tuna melt but I wasn't gonna worry
You smelled bad, but I didn't care

It was three a.m. and I wasn't gettin' squat
It was late and I wasn't having any luck with women

So I rolled you up in flour and aimed it for the wet spot
I had sex with you even though I didn't want to

I was buttering rolls like a soup kitchen Christian
I was having sex with you even though I wasn't into it

Then it hit me something bit me while my little rod was fishin'
I realized something was wrong while we were having sex

I was deep sea fishing I took a fat chance
I took a risk by having sex with you

But how was I supposed to know that jabberjaws
I couldn't have known that you had an STD

Lived in your pants
Your genitals were infected

At that junction I came to realize
I realized something important

That only Frank Purdue likes thighs that size
I realized that your thighs were too big for me to find attractive

Fatty fatty boom ba latty I gotta lament
I feel sad and regretful

That you were not a girl you were an experiment
I feel like I was experimenting with having sex with you