X Amount of Words
Blue October Lyrics

Relapse
The singer has relapsed into his old habits of substance abuse or mental health issues.

Prevent trigger intent
The singer is trying to prevent anything that could trigger his issues or tempt him to relapse.

Now drown
The singer is drowning in his thoughts and emotions, feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope.

High strung
The singer is highly anxious and tense, as if strung too tightly.

Say X amount of words
The singer feels like he has to say something, but he's not sure exactly what or how much to say.

You're solar, bipolar
The singer is describing himself as having severe mood swings, going from manic (solar) to depressed (bipolar).

Panic disorder
The singer suffers from panic attacks, which are a form of anxiety disorder.

Seems harder and harder and harder
The singer's mental health issues seem to be getting worse and harder to manage over time.

Still you try to control it
Despite his struggles, the singer is still attempting to find ways to manage and cope with his mental health issues.

You mold, you mold
The singer is trying to shape and mold himself into someone who can manage his mental health issues.

Yeah you shape to mold
The singer is constantly changing and adapting to his mental health issues, trying to find ways to fit his life around them.

Oh you're bold you're bold
The singer is brave for continuing to try and manage his mental health issues, despite how difficult it can be.

But your shape is bold
Despite his efforts, the singer's mental health issues are still a prominent part of his identity and shape who he is.

You're a symptom superficial
The people around the singer only see the surface-level symptoms of his mental health issues, rather than understanding the deeper issues at play.

To what they call knowing you
Even the people who think they know the singer well don't truly understand the depth of his mental health struggles and how they affect his life.

Minus the speed,
The singer is describing a hypothetical situation where he didn't have his mental health issues, but would still be affected by his fear and anxiety.

Could you imagine the phobia?
The singer questions how different his life would be if he wasn't struggling with his mental health, and what other challenges he might face instead.

Your brain is faulty wiring
The singer acknowledges that his mental health issues are caused by irregularities and imbalances in his brain chemistry.

The reason for tiring
The singer's mental health issues are exhausting and draining, making everyday life a struggle.

Keep treating the curse,
The singer is continuing to try and manage his mental health issues, in the hopes that he'll find some relief from his suffering.

Imagine the worst
The singer is constantly worried about the worst-case scenarios that could come from his mental health issues.

Systematic, sympathetic
The people around the singer try to be systematic and sympathetic in their efforts to help him with his mental health struggles.

Quite pathetic, apologetic, paramedic
The people around the singer feel helpless and apologetic when it comes to his mental health issues, like they're unable to do anything to truly help him.

Your heart is prosthetic
The singer's heart is metaphorically artificial or fake, as he's struggling to connect with his emotions and feelings due to his mental health issues.

A plate of quite peculiar
The singer is feeling as if he doesn't quite fit in or belong in the world around him.

On a dish of my own
The singer is trying to create his own path and way of living, separate from the expectations of those around him.

A tablespoon of feather
The singer is sensitive and easily affected by even small things, like a feather tickling his skin.

Tickle me to the bone
The singer is deeply affected by the little things in life, and they have a strong impact on his emotions and mood.

Give me recipes for happy
The singer is seeking out ways to be happy, and looking for advice from others on how to achieve it.

with the chemicals gone
The singer is looking for ways to be happy without relying on substances or medications to manage his mental health issues.

Drinking freedom from a bottle
The singer is relying on alcohol or other substances to feel free and liberated from his mental health struggles, rather than finding healthy ways to cope.

to the tune of belong
The singer is trying to find a sense of belonging and acceptance in his life, but is struggling to do so in a healthy way.

I'm sick of shaking
The singer is tired of feeling anxious and nervous all the time, as if he's physically shaking with fear or stress.

never waking
The singer feels as if he's never able to truly wake up or be present in his own life, as he's always preoccupied with his mental health issues.

from the hell I achieve
The singer feels as if his struggles with mental health are self-inflicted, as if he's creating his own personal hell for himself to live in.

I never knew you till you left me
The singer is reflecting on the times in his life when he didn't fully appreciate the good things, like his mental health and stability, until they were gone.

with the crying disease
The singer is suffering from a mental health issue that causes him to cry often or easily, like depression or anxiety.

Another curing, reassuring
The singer is constantly seeking out new ways to manage his mental health struggles, in the hopes of finding some relief or cure for his suffering.

way to buckle the knees
The singer is constantly being brought to his knees by the severity and difficulty of his mental health struggles.

So mistreated, I repeated
The singer has been mistreated or misunderstood by those around him, and as a result, he's fallen into patterns of unhealthy behavior or thought.

Never blessing your sneeze
The singer is struggling to find peace or happiness in his life, as if he's not even able to appreciate the good things that come his way, like blessing someone when they sneeze.

Now deleted and defeated
The singer feels as if he's lost the battle against his mental health struggles, and there's nothing left for him to do but admit defeat.

I will stand on my own
The singer is taking charge of his own mental health and well-being, and is determined to manage his struggles in a healthy and effective way.

Yeah your memory that punches me
The singer is haunted by memories of his past struggles with mental health, and they continue to affect him and cause him pain in the present.

has broken the bone
The singer has been hurt deeply by his struggles with mental health, and it feels as if they've physically broken him down.

Give me recipes for sorry
The singer is seeking out ways to apologize and make amends for the pain and hurt he's caused others as a result of his mental health struggles.

I'm admitting I'm wrong
The singer is owning up to his mistakes and taking responsibility for his actions, even those caused by his mental health struggles.