Introducing Tobacco To Civilization
Bob Newhart Lyrics

Milestones are never really recognised right away... it Takes fifty or sixty years before people realise what An achievement it is. Take for instance... tobacco, it Was discovered by Sir Walter Raleigh... and he sent it Over to England from the colonies.
Bob Newhart suggests that at times, significant events or discoveries are not hastily understood or appreciated. Using the example of the discovery of tobacco by Sir. Walter Raleigh, Bob informs us that it took fifty or sixty years for individuals to appreciate the impact it had on society, having originated from the colonies in America and transmitted to England.

It seems to me, the uses of tobacco aren't obvious Right off the bat... and I imagine a phone conversation Between Sir Walter Raleigh and the head of the 'West Indies Company' in England, explaining about this Shipment of tobacco... would go something like this...
Bob Newhart assumes that the benefits of tobacco may not have been instantly apparent when it was first introduced to England by Sir Walter Raleigh. Bob imagines a conversation taking place between Sir Walter Raleigh and the Head of 'West Indies Company' in England, where they discuss the shipment of the tobacco, symbolising the lack of initial awareness about the usefulness of tobacco.

Yeh?... Who is it, Frank?... Sir Walter Raleigh?... Yeh?... Yeh, put him on, will you! Hey, Harry... you wanna pick up the extension?... Yeh! it's nutty Walter again!
This part of the song is a conversation between two individuals believed to be receiving a call from Sir Walter Raleigh. They are initially perplexed and unsure whether to hand over the phone to the person he is calling because they think he is ‘nutty.’ The dialogue conveys the curiosity previously expressed about the discovery of tobacco in the preceding lines.

Hi, Walter baby, how are you, guy? How's everything Going?... Oh, things are fine here, Walt!... Did we get the what?... Oh!, the boat load of turkeys, yeh! They arrived fine Walt, as a matter of fact they're still here, they're Wonderin' all over London... Well, y'see, that's an American holiday, Walt!...
This part of the song amplifies the humour created by the less enlightened nature of society in the past. The lyrics show a clear misunderstanding by those in England about the American holidays which had not yet been incorporated into the English calendar. Instead, they talk about something unrelated to the purpose of the phone call.

What you got for us this time, Walt, you got another Winner for us? Tob-acco... er, what's tob-acco, Walt?... It's a kind of leaf, huh?... And you bought eighty tonnes of it!... Let me get this straight, Walt, you've bought eighty Tonnes of leaves? This may come as a kind of a surprise To you Walt but come fall in England, we're kinda upto Our... It isn't that kind of leaf, huh?...
In this part of the song, the dialogues between Walter Raleigh and his English counterpart indicated that the latter was unaware of the different uses of tobacco leaves. Misunderstandings lead to questions and explanations as representatives from both sides exchanged information.

Oh!, what kind is it then... some special kind of Food?... Not exactly?... Oh, it has a lot of different uses, like, what are some Of the uses, Walt?... Are you saying 'snuff', Walt?... What's snuff?... You take a pinch of tobacco, ha! ha! ha!... And you shove it up your nose. ha! ha! ha!...
The song satirically explains Walter Raleigh's conversation about the multiple ways tobacco can be used. These uses are uncommon, leading to a level of confusion from the British counterparts about what Tobacco is exactly and its possibilities. Bob Newhart adds humour to the dialogue, especially when mentioning the use of snuff (shoving tobacco up the nose), as it was unconventional.

Yeh, I imagine it would, Walt! Hey, Goldenrod seems to Do it pretty well over here! It has other uses though, huh?... You can chew it!... Or put it in a pipe!... Or you can shred it up... And put it in a piece of paper. ha! ha! ha!... And roll it up. ha ha ha...
Bob continues to poke lighthearted fun at the incapacity of Walter Raleigh's counterparts in the telephone conversation by listing newfound ways to use tobacco. Bob highlights some typical methods of using tobacco that have emerged over time in a joking manner.

Don't tell me, Walt, don't tell me. ha! ha! ha! you Stick it in your ear, right? ha! ha! ha!... Oh! between your lips!... Then what do you do, Walt? ha! ha! ha!... You set fire to it! ha! ha! ha!... Then what do you do, Walt?... Ha! ha! ha! You inhale the smoke, huh! ha! ha! ha!...
The humorous expression suggests an introduction to tobacco through personification. Bob envisions a dialogue where Walter Raleigh is explaining the use of tobacco via speaking to one of the British counterparts. He jokingly highlights the unconventional method of smoking tobacco and suggests other ways to use it, resulting in a comically funny conversation.

You know, Walt... it seems you can stand in front of Your own fireplace and have the same thing going for You! You see, Walt... we've been a little worried about you, Y'know, ever since you put your cape down over that Mud. Y'see, Walt... I think you're gonna have rather a tough Time selling people on sticking burning leaves in their Mouthes...
This part of the song can be interpreted as a witty conclusion to the conversation between Walter Raleigh and the British counterpart. Bob Newhart hilariously suggests that the British counterparts were already enjoying the effects of tobacco via inhaling smoke from their fireplaces daily. He also jokingly refers to Walter Raleigh's clothing style and predicts that since it is an unconventional substance, Walter may have a tough time convincing people to start using it.

It's going very big over there, is it?... What's the matter, Walt?... You spilt your what?... Your coff-ee?... What's coffee, Walt?... That's a drink you make out of beans, huh? ha! ha! Ha!... That's going over very big there, too, is it?... A lot of people have a cup of coffee right after their First cigarette in the morning, huh?... Is that what you call the burning leaves, Walt?... Cigarettes?... I tell you what, Walt!, why don't you send us a Boatload of those beans, too! If you can talk people into putting those burning Leaves in their mouthes... they've gotta go for those Beans, Walt!... right? Listen, Walt... don't call us... we'll call you!... G'bye!
The final section of the song is the end of the phone call. The witty ending suggests that the British counterpart intends to mock Walter Raleigh by showing excitement for the newly discovered drink and suggests that if America can get people to smoke burning leaves, England can do the same for coffee beans. The lyrics heighten the hilarious tone of the song to end the dialogue.