Bob Rivers is a well known American rock and roll radio on air personality in the Pacific Northwest as well as a prolific producer of parody songs, most famous for his Christmas song parodies.
Rivers' radio program, The Bob Rivers Show, is broadcast on Seattle rock station KZOK-FM.
The Bob Rivers Show current cast includes: Spike O'Neill; "Downtown" Joe Bryant; newswoman Maura Gallucci ; director Arik Korman; and producers Luciana Bosio and Pedro Bartes.
Previously, between late 1989 and August 2000, the show aired on Seattle, Washington Active Rock radio station KISW-FM under the title Bob Rivers Twisted Radio. The Bob Rivers Show was also simulcast on Portland, Oregon "1980s Rock Hits" radio station KVMX (now KXJM) "Mix 107.5" from until , when the station dropped the morning show and switched to a Rhythmic Adult Contemporary format under the new branding "Movin' 107.5".
WAAF Bob and Zip
Bob Rivers spent almost 6 years at WAAF-FM in Boston, as part of their successful Bob and Zip morning show with fellow on air personality Peter "Zip" Zipfel.
During his tenure with WAAF, Rivers started producing parody and novelty songs, both for the station and for the KATZ/Newcity "American Comedy Network", a radio syndication service that provided comedy material to local U.S. and Canadian radio stations. One of the first parodies he produced was "Breakin' Up Is Hard On You", about the lawsuit and the resulting Bell System divestiture, the court ordered split up of U.S. telecommunications company AT&T's Bell System. The song was sung to the tune of Neil Sedaka's #1, 1962 hit "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" and peaked at #69 on the Billboard Hot 100 pop music chart.
In 1987, Rivers released Twisted Christmas, which contained the Christmas music radio hit "Twelve Pains of Christmas", a parody of the holiday standard "The Twelve Days of Christmas". "Twisted Christmas" was certified a gold record by the RIAA.
WIYY "98 Rock"
In the spring of 1988, at Baltimore radio station "98 Rock" WIYY-FM, as a lead morning show personality between 1987 and 1989, Bob Rivers gained national attention for an 11-day, on-the-air marathon during a Baltimore Orioles losing streak. He vowed to remain on the air until the Orioles won a game. He kept his vow and became a local celebrity among Orioles fans for his pledge.
During his time at 98 Rock, he and WIYY radio collaborated with Sheffield Recording Studios to continue his campaign of 'Twisted Tunes'
KISW Twisted Radio
After arriving at KISW in Seattle in 1989, Rivers released a second album of humorous holiday-themed music in 1993 entitled I Am Santa Claus (the title track was a parody of Black Sabbath's song "Iron Man"). Since then, three other Christmas-themed albums have been released, including: More Twisted Christmas (1997); Chipmunks Roasting On an Open Fire (2000); and White Trash Christmas (2002).
Bob Rivers and his Twisted Radio show have also produced a countless number of regular, non-holiday parodies covering anything from pop culture to politicians, to the various sports teams and players in the Seattle area. These "Twisted Tunes" can be heard for free on his website. CD compilation albums are also available.
KZOK The Bob Rivers Show
In 2001, the cast and show moved to KZOK. The cast currently includes Spike O'Neill, "Downtown" Joe Bryant, newswoman Maura Gallucci, director Arik Korman and producers Luciana Bosio and Pedro Bartes.
What If God Smoked Cannabis?
Bob Rivers Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
And a goatee,
And if his eyes looked pretty glazed...
If He looked spaced out
Would you buy his story?
Would you believe he had an eye infection?
And yeah, yeah, God he looks baked
And yeah, yeah, God He smells good,
What if God smoked cannabis?
Hit the bung like some of us?
Drove a tie-dyed microbus,
And he subscribed to Rolling Stone?
When God made this place,
In the beginning,
Did He plant any seeds?
Or did he put them there for Adam and Eve,
So they'd be hungry for the apple that the snake
Was always offering?
And yeah, yeah... God rolls great,
And yeah, yeah, God he smells good,
And yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah...
What if God smoked cannabis?
Do you suppose he had a buzz
When he made the platypus
When he created earth, our home?
Does He like Pearl Jam or the Stones?
And do you think He rolls His own
Up there in heaven on the throne?
And when the saints go marching home,
Maybe he sits and smokes a bowl.
Bob Rivers's song What If God Smoked Cannabis? is a satirical take on how people react to God if he looked like a stereotypical stoner. The first verse of the song talks about God's appearance, with long hair, a goatee, and bloodshot eyes. The lyrics suggest that if God looked spaced out, would people still believe that he had an eye infection? The chorus of the song repeats a question, asking people if God smoked cannabis and if he would then subscribe to Rolling Stone and drive a tie-dyed microbus, just like some stoners do. The second verse of the song talks about God's role as a creator, questioning whether he planted the seeds or put them there for Adam and Eve to be tempted.
The song also poses the question of whether God likes Pearl Jam or the Stones and if he rolls his own cannabis in heaven. The song's overall message is that it doesn't matter what God looks like or whether he indulges in cannabis, as long as people still believe in his teachings and live by his principles. The song, therefore, is a commentary on the perception of religion and the association of cannabis with stoner culture.
Line by Line Meaning
If God had long hair
Imagine if God had long hair.
And a goatee,
And what if he also had a goatee?
And if his eyes looked pretty glazed...
And what if his eyes were really red and droopy?
If He looked spaced out
If he appeared disconnected from reality.
Would you buy his story?
Would you believe what he says?
Would you believe he had an eye infection?
Would you think his red eyes were due to an infection?
And yeah, yeah, God he looks baked
And yeah, he looks like he's high.
And yeah, yeah, God He smells good,
And yeah, he smells really nice.
And yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah...
And yeah yeah yeah, everything's cool.
What if God smoked cannabis?
What if God smoked weed?
Hit the bung like some of us?
What if he smoked a bong like some people do?
Drove a tie-dyed microbus,
What if he drove a hippie van?
And he subscribed to Rolling Stone?
And what if he read Rolling Stone magazine?
When God made this place,
When God created the world,
In the beginning,
At the very start,
Did He plant any seeds?
Did he plant any cannabis seeds?
Or did he put them there for Adam and Eve,
Or did he put them there for Adam and Eve to eat?
So they'd be hungry for the apple that the snake
So that they would crave the forbidden fruit offered to them by the snake,
Was always offering?
That was always tempting them?
And yeah, yeah... God rolls great,
And yeah, he rolls really good joints.
And yeah, yeah, God he smells good,
And yeah, he still smells really nice.
And yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah...
And yeah yeah yeah, everything's still cool.
What if God smoked cannabis?
What if God smoked weed?
Do you suppose he had a buzz
Do you think he felt high too?
When he made the platypus
When he created the platypus animal,
When he created earth, our home?
When he made the Earth, our planet to live on?
Does He like Pearl Jam or the Stones?
Do you think he prefers Pearl Jam or the Rolling Stones?
And do you think He rolls His own
And do you think he rolls his own joints?
Up there in heaven on the throne?
While he's sitting on his throne in heaven?
And when the saints go marching home,
And when the saints go marching home,
Maybe he sits and smokes a bowl.
Maybe he likes to sit and smoke a bowl too.
Contributed by Ethan H. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
@user-cb8xo2ps4d
Yeah, Yeah, thank you, WONDERFULL!!
@StoicThrower
Thanks for posting this. Been a big fan since the KISW days.
@marcelhagen300
I love it when he uses "the Force" to Open the door 😂
@user-cb8xo2ps4d
Amazing
@tgiles
Thank you Sam!
@CromemcoZ2
Wonderful! Twas the season for me to play Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire, which led me to this. :) Great to see you're still creating!
@scottburton9701
Great parody of the Joan Osborne song "One Of Us".
@tgiles
Keith this is awesome! Lol!
@notiaproast1386
Endless respect from Greece!!! Great original song, great cover, certainly hits deep..
@jerlewis4291
This is magnificent. Oh wow, God sure has a nice house.