My Van
Boondox Lyrics

Like clothes on the line I'm three sheets to the wind
I am very drunk and my movements are unsteady, just like clothes hanging on a clothesline.

But stay tighter than the strings on a violin
Despite my drunken state, I am in control and focused, like the strings on a violin.

Me I'm as dirty as they come but still spic and span
I may not be physically clean, but I present myself well and take care of my appearance.

I ride 28 inches on my creepy black van
I drive a large and ominous-looking van that is an unusual size of 28 inches.

And you can catch me posted up down by the trailer park
I frequently hang out near trailer parks, as that is where my customers for selling bootleg movies are often found.

I'm selling bootleg movies from noon to dark
I make a living selling illegal copies of movies between noon and sunset.

But at nine o'clock its time to close up shop
I stop my business operations at 9 PM and move on to something else for the night.

And find some unsuspecting girlie who gonna blow my top
After I close my shop, I seek out a woman to engage in sexual activities with me.

I like cruising by the GAP and the OLD NAVY
I enjoy driving by clothing stores such as GAP and OLD NAVY while looking at women, specifically mothers and older women.

I like scoping out the MILF's and the old ladies
I enjoy looking at and sexualizing middle-aged women and elderly women.

Pulling right up to the curb with my windows pitch black
I pull up to the curb of women I am interested in and have tinted/black windows for privacy.

Practice catch and then release I do my thing and then I throw 'em back
I engage in sexual activities with women but ultimately do not want to be tied down, so I move on to the next one.

MY VAN!
The chorus is a declaration and celebration of the lifestyle taking place in Boondox's van.

In my van they don't never see it coming
Women don't expect what is going to happen to them in my van.

Stone cold killer slanging rock hard loving
I have a sexual prowess and skill that I consider deadly.

I never keep 'em very long because they tend to stink
I only keep sexual partners around for a short amount of time because they are unclean and hassle.

And they'll be fucking up my camel skin zebra print seats
My van has unique interior decorations that are easily ruined by unclean individuals.

And I'm a mother fucking pimp so can't be cramping my style
I am a skilled and in control individual and will not let anyone ruin my reputation or lifestyle.

With some decomposing stank ho wearing a smile
I will not tolerate a partner with bad hygiene or a negative attitude regardless of how pleasant they may appear.

I gotta keep my reputation I got clientel
My sexual reputation is important to me because it plays into my business and personal affairs.

I can't be pushing Finding Nemo with no funky ass smell
I cannot sell bootleg movies with bad subtitles and inferior quality or buy them from unhygienic individuals.

I keep my Chevrolet polished and my shag rug vaccumed
I keep my personal vehicle clean because it is a representation of myself to others.

And a sticker on the back glass says 'shit happens'
Life is unpredictable but pushing through situations to maintain a specific lifestyle is important.

And I'm cool as fan in my Burt Reynolds shades
I am confident and cool in my Burt Reynolds sunglasses.

But my futures pretty dim that's why I can't get laid
My future looks bleak because of my lifestyle choices which makes it difficult for me to engage in more meaningful relationships.

So Ima get it how I get gotta get up in them britches
I engage in sexual relationships with women because it is the only way for me to satisfy my desires.

Ima get it how I get Ima take it from these bitches!
I will take what I want and do what is necessary in order to continue my current lifestyle.

If the van be a rocking then dontcha come a knocking
If you see the van moving or shaking during sexual activity, do not try to open the door while it is locked.

You might see me do the nasty face covered in a stocking
Sexual acts or acts of a fetish nature often take place, sometimes involving masks.

Nothing on but a tool belt and BVD's
Sometimes sexual acts take place with minimal clothing or specific items of clothing such as a tool belt and underwear.

A chick tied to a shelf full of DVD's
Acts of bondage and other forms of fetishism are also a part of my sexual desires.

I got that old school porn showing in the headrest
Pornography is often watched as part of sexual activity.

Try choking out this honey but she ain't dead yet
Activities such as choking during sex are common.

I got her in the camel clutch, remote control stuck in her butt
Often, the use of objects or toys is involved in sexual activity.

She be switching scene selections everytime she bust a nut
Pornography is used during sexual activity because it helps to stimulate the partner.

You might say I'm kinda sick and you might call me a freak
Others may not approve or understand the depths of my sexual desires and fetishes.

Because I pull up to the intersection's gripping my meat
Masturbation and other forms of sexual self-indulgence are other parts of my sexual life.

But to all them freaky bitches, bitches I be the man
I am a skilled and proficient lover, appealing to those with specific sexual desires and fetishes.

I bet they never forget the time they had in MY VAN!
The physical experience of sexual activity in my van is something that my partners will never forget in their lifetime.