Turning Back
C.R.I.$.I.$. Lyrics


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Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
If I'd known walking into that room
Would lead me to my doom
If I know there is no turning back I would've never let them close the casket on you
Losing you was in you was
A deep blow to my soul
Hurtin' my heart cause I know
That you're gone
Numbing my pain with
Percocet's and lean
I don't really know how to be me I'm scared of being me
I wonder what you think about me
Have I become a man
In your eyes
I make these lyrics in my head
I hope you hear them in your head
Late at night I'm all alone I'm in my thoughts I'm in the zone
I'm scared of my own demise
My demons they want me to die
Alone I am I am
I turn to my brothers and my girl
When i need to vent to somebody
I need to vent to somebody
If Id i known walking in that room would lead me to my doom
I would've never let them close the casket on you
So much pain lies deeper than my heart Too many tears
I den shedded in the dark
Six years without you I don't know what's next
Im older now so I wanna have a conversation
I'm talking to you every night I wondering if you hearing

All the pain all the pain all the pain I wonder if you hear it
All the pain all the pain all the pain All the pain in my brain

Overall Meaning

The lyrics of C.R.I.$.I.$.'s song "Turning Back" delve deep into themes of loss, grief, and the emotional turmoil that comes with the absence of a loved one. At the outset, the repetition of “Oh oh oh oh oh” suggests a sense of sorrow and helplessness. The singer reflects on a decision made that ultimately led to a devastating outcome, indicating a moment of regret for not foreseeing the pain that would follow. The metaphor of “closing the casket” symbolizes the finality of death and the singer's inability to reverse that loss, intensifying the sense of doom they feel. This notion of irreversible choices resonates throughout the lyrics, suggesting that the singer grapples with lingering guilt and anguish over circumstances that led to their loved one’s demise.


A profound emotional struggle emerges as the singer articulates the impact of loss on their very being. The phrase "Losing you was a deep blow to my soul" highlights how this absence is not merely a hollow ache; it's a fundamental assault on the singer’s identity and emotional core. The subsequent lines reveal a coping mechanism infused with numbing substances like Percocet and lean, indicating a desperate attempt to escape the overwhelming pain. There is an inherent vulnerability in acknowledging fear of self-discovery, as the singer grapples with the question of manhood and its implications—wondering whether they have grown in the eyes of the lost loved one. The lyrics also pull in the theme of creative expression, suggesting that art becomes a vessel for processing grief, with hopes that those lost can somehow hear and understand the emotions conveyed through music.


The juxtaposition of vulnerability and reliance on close friendships is significant, illustrating a raw need for connection in the face of despair. When the singer confides in brothers and a romantic partner, it underscores the importance of community and emotional support in times of hardship. This plea for “somebody” to listen emphasizes loneliness that often accompanies grief and struggle. The refrain about walking into that fateful room reiterates the haunting regret that continues to plague the singer, emphasizing that moments of decision can drastically alter life’s trajectory, leaving behind a path laden with sorrow and yearning.


As the lyrics progress, they reveal an ongoing dialogue with the past and a search for understanding. The line referencing "six years without you" indicates a significant passage of time filled with unresolved feelings and unhealed wounds, anchoring the song in a chronic sense of mourning. In expressing an intention to communicate with the deceased, there emerges a poignant blend of hope and despair, as the singer questions whether their pain is even acknowledged by the one they've lost. This struggle becomes a recurring refrain—“All the pain all the pain all the pain” echoes not only the weight of personal grief but also the universal experience of longing for connection with those who have passed. In this way, the lyrics encapsulate a journey through heartbreak, reflection, and the perhaps futile attempt to find solace in memories amidst a deep, abiding sorrow.


Line by Line Meaning

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
A haunting echo of sorrow, representing the weight of loss.


If I'd known walking into that room
Reflecting on the unawareness of the life-altering event about to unfold.


Would lead me to my doom
Realizing that the choices made in that moment had devastating consequences.


If I know there is no turning back I would've never let them close the casket on you
Wishing he had understood the permanence of death before it was too late.


Losing you was in you was
Expressing the profound impact that the loss had on his existence.


A deep blow to my soul
The grief experienced is so intense that it feels like a physical wound to his inner being.


Hurtin' my heart cause I know
Acknowledging the persistent pain stemming from the realization of loss.


That you're gone
Confronting the undeniable truth of absence and grief.


Numbing my pain with
Seeking ways to escape the emotional turmoil through substance use.


Percocet's and lean
Describing reliance on drugs to alleviate suffering, but recognizing it as a temporary solution.


I don't really know how to be me I'm scared of being me
Feeling lost in his own identity, fearing who he has become without the loved one.


I wonder what you think about me
Pondering the deceased’s perceptions, highlighting the longing for validation.


Have I become a man
Questioning personal growth and maturity in the absence of guidance.


In your eyes
Seeking judgment and approval from someone who can no longer offer it.


I make these lyrics in my head
Transforming feelings of sadness into creative expression through songwriting.


I hope you hear them in your head
Wishing for the departed to sense the messages conveyed through his art.


Late at night I'm all alone I'm in my thoughts I'm in the zone
Describing moments of solitude filled with contemplation and emotional processing.


I'm scared of my own demise
Facing fears of his own mortality and the weight of his struggles.


My demons they want me to die
Acknowledging the internal battles with mental health that threaten his existence.


Alone I am I am
Reinforcing the feeling of isolation in his grief.


I turn to my brothers and my girl
Recognizing the importance of support systems during difficult times.


When I need to vent to somebody
The necessity of expressing emotions and sharing burdens with loved ones.


I need to vent to somebody
The urgent desire for connection and comfort in moments of pain.


If I'd known walking in that room would lead me to my doom
Reiterating regret over the choices made in a moment that drastically changed his life.


I would've never let them close the casket on you
Emphasizing the wish to prevent the finality of loss if he had foreseen it.


So much pain lies deeper than my heart
Acknowledging that grief transcends emotional pain, affecting every aspect of his being.


Too many tears I den shedded in the dark
Describing the silent suffering and sorrow experienced away from the public eye.


Six years without you I don't know what's next
Expressing the ongoing challenge of navigating life in the prolonged absence of a loved one.


I'm older now so I wanna have a conversation
Desiring a connection that was once taken for granted, reflecting on personal growth.


I'm talking to you every night I wondering if you hearing
Finding a way to communicate with the deceased, yearning for a response.


All the pain all the pain all the pain I wonder if you hear it
Reiterating the burden of grief and hoping the departed understands his suffering.


All the pain all the pain all the pain All the pain in my brain
Emphasizing the overwhelming weight of sorrow that occupies his thoughts and affects his mental health.




Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid
Written by: Christopher Payne

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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