Ms. Jenkins
Ca$his Lyrics

A lot of tears shed over what you been through,
There has been much sadness and sorrow over the difficult experiences you have faced.

A mothers pain pays, for what her kid do,
A mother must bear the pain and consequences of her child's actions.

As Bryan life fades, in the rear view,
As Bryan's life comes to an end, it becomes a distant memory.

You a slave to hurt, but gotta see it through,
You are consumed by pain, but must persevere through it.

We was both banging, Bryan and I,
Bryan and I were both involved in gang activity.

Different neighborhoods so we chose different sides,
We were from different neighborhoods, so we joined different gangs.

Confrontation in the street, so we had to ride,
We had a confrontation in the street, so we had to fight.

I wanted to fight, his pride felt I had to die,
I was prepared to fight, but he felt that my pride required me to die.

He screamed 187, I say I never hide,
He shouted 'murder' (a slang term for killing), and I responded that I do not hide.

You know where Im at boy I aint hard to find,
I told him to come find me, because I am not difficult to locate.

A couple weeks went by, we passin time,
A few weeks passed as we spent time doing other things.

He seen me in the alley with his niggas, I
He saw me in the alley with his friends, when suddenly,

Was just dealin off carry, then I seen the nine,
I was just selling my product when I saw his gun.

Then I heard a shot, he just kept firen,
Then he fired his gun, repeatedly.

I started runnin, duckin, now Im hidin,
I began to run and hide, trying to evade him.

The whole time conscience of my own homicide in,
The whole time, I was aware that I might be killed.

I got away click click in the nick of time,
I managed to escape just in the nick of time, as I heard his gun click empty.

His clip drop down, he start signifyin,
His gun ran out of bullets, and he began to taunt me again.

You a bitch Cash run with ya bitch ass,
He called me a coward and insulted me heavily.

Heard sirens, then I heard him hit the gas,
I heard police sirens, and then he drove away quickly.

Right then, I knew your son wouldn't last,
At that moment, I realized that Bryan would not survive for much longer.

I said to myself folk, I gotta kill his ass,
I made a decision to take revenge and kill him.

Roll through my apartment hit the building fast,
I went to my apartment and quickly grabbed my gun.

Gun outta my closet, hit the stick and dash
I took the gun out of my closet and ran out of the apartment.

Put the strap in my pocket my mission I saw em,
I hid the gun in my pocket and went out looking for him.

Down the block sittin back sippin yack,
I found him down the block, sitting and drinking alcohol.

I walked up like, whats the business fam,
I approached him and asked what he wanted.

He started death in the eyes, then he shook his head,
He looked at me with intense hatred, then shook his head in refusal.

The broad he was with shook as fuck,
The woman he was with was terrified and shook with fear.

Put the barrel to his head, buck buck buck,
I put the gun to his head and shot him multiple times.

He fell to the ground, grass covered in blood,
He fell to the ground, and blood stained the grass.

Ill probably go to hell for what I did to your son,
I know that I will likely be punished in the afterlife for killing your son.

I walked off slowly, bugged, I aint run,
I walked away slowly, feeling troubled, but did not run away.

Its been five years, and though its never over,
It has been five years, but the pain and fallout from this event have not ended entirely.

He left me no choice, I offer you closure,
I believe that he gave me no other choice but to kill him, and I am offering you closure by confessing.

Dear Ms. Jenkins, I send you my love,
I am reaching out to you in love and sympathy.

Hi, Im Ca$his, I murdered your son,
I am introducing myself and confessing that I killed your son.

Im closing the chapter on what has begun,
I am bringing closure to this chapter of my life.

Dear mama, if you getting this letter, Im dead,
If you receive this letter, I have died.

Im sorry if you getting this letter,
I apologize if you receive this letter.

Wait, Im sorry I didn't live a little better
Actually, I am sorry for not living a better life.

My own selfish will wouldn't send you this letter,
My selfishness nearly prevented me from writing this letter to you.

See, I had my hat cocked on the wrong spot,
I was wearing my hat in a way that was associated with the wrong gang.

I threw the right sign up on the wrong block,
I made a gang sign that represented the wrong gang in the wrong location.

Blow blow blow Ramone shot,
Ramone (another gang member) shot at me multiple times.

Fuck cashis momma, ramone shot,
Ramone shouted an insult about my mother, and then shot at me.

It started as a fight, on a distant night,
It all began with a fight on a different night, long ago.

But evolved to homicide, pistols tight
But it escalated to murder, with guns involved.

We still, grieve over your brother,
We still grieve over the loss of your brother (who may have also been killed in gang violence).

Now you grieve over your son what the fuck
Now you must grieve over the loss of your son as well, which is terrible.

He squad me up, this my hood,
Bryan's group of friends surrounded me, proclaiming that this was their territory.

Some nigga named cashis from Chris's hood,
They were referring to me, Ca$his, from a rival gang's neighborhood.

Hes supposed to came back with iron I aint scared,
They thought I would come back with a gun, but I was not afraid to do so.

Yes I am momma, I don't wanna be dead,
But I was afraid, and did not want to die.

But I cant run, too late to try and change it,
But I was unable to escape, and it was too late to change the situation.

Born as your son but dyin as a banger
I was your son, but died as a gang member.

When my name gets discussed for entertainment,
When my name is brought up for entertainment purposes (such as in songs like this one).

Never share this letter with a stranger, please,
Please do not share this letter with anyone outside of your immediate family.

Dear Bryan, its cashis I cant sleep,
I am addressing Bryan directly, telling him that I cannot sleep because of what happened.

I had to bang you before you bang me,
I had to kill him before he killed me.

Just like I blame you, You can blame me,
Just as I blame him for starting the conflict, he can blame me for killing him.

We both gave up our lives for banging,
We both died because of gang activity.

We didn't know each other, but shared the same hate,
We did not actually know each other, but we shared a hate for each other's gangs.

Your death is my life, so we share the same fate,
Your death has affected me so deeply that it feels like a part of my own life, and we now share the same fate of death.

This aint what banging was for, killin for nothin,
This is not what the gang life was supposed to be about, meaningless killings.

Your death gave me karma, for the death of my woman,
Your death was karma for me, because of the death of my own girlfriend or wife.

Im tryin at make amends cause within Im cruel,
I am trying to make amends, because although I may seem cruel on the outside, I am struggling with my own pain and guilt inside.

But outside Im hard, my friends don't know,
But to my friends and fellow gang members, I must maintain a tough exterior, and they do not know the true pain that I am feeling.

Im sorry I killed you, I know it don't mean shit,
I apologize for killing you, even though I know it does not make the situation any better.

We both coulda stopped, if we only seen shit,
We could have stopped fighting, if we had only realized what was really happening.

Happens for a reason we don't even know,
Sometimes things happen for reasons that we cannot even comprehend.

When we leave hear, do you know where you goin,
When we leave this life behind, do we know where we are going?

I send my apologies through a song,
I am expressing my apologies to you through this musical performance.

Maybe we can reconcile when Im gone.
Perhaps we can find reconciliation after I am gone.

Dear Ms Jenkins, I murdered your son
Once again, I confess to you that I killed your son.