All of his music up until Oops! I Did It Again were classified as IDM (Intelligent dance music) and had very little vocals or lyrics for the most part. However, Kidwell was not content to stay behind the laptop while on tour, and quickly and openly aspired to become "#1 Entertainer". He started to hone freestyling skills and performing new songs. In 2002, he won a coveted tour spot opening for the East Coast leg of the Death and Dismemberment tour with Death Cab for Cutie and old friends from Washington, DC The Dismemberment Plan. Later that year, Tall, Dark, and Handcuffed, his first album with full vocals, was released.
2003 was a pivotal year for Kidwell - after spending his entire life living in or around Baltimore, he packed up and drove out to Oakland, California. Car malfunctions and a week stranded in the western US became the inspiration for his second album of that year, Maryland Mansions, an album about suicide which pushed the motifs of his previous album Being Ridden further and was modelled somewhat on the Nine Inch Nails EP Broken. Two music videos for Maryland Mansions were released early in 2004, and Kidwell moved again, to Chicago a few months later.
Shortly thereafter, he married Roby Newton (from the band Milemarker), and reorganized Cex as a three-piece: Kidwell, Newton, and Cale Parks (from the bands Joan of Arc and Aloha). This configuration released an EP, Know Doubt, in 2005 on a Chicago label called Record Label. The next Cex album is titled Actual Fucking and will be released July 4th, 2006. The album is heavy on vocals and will be released by Seattle label Automation Records.
Kill Me
Cex Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
But I don't want you to touch me
Seems so disgusting
To be handled like a doll
I'm not trying to be dramatic
I'm trying to be nothing
So when you find I've finally done it
Please burn me where I lay
Things aren't getting any better
Things are only getting worse
I'll apologize for the mess of my life
For the rest of my life, forever
Unless you promise, promise to kill me first
I want you to find me
But I don't want a big party
Hiding my body in the ground
So your version of the story is safe for the rest of your lives
I'm crying for attention
I'm done
I'm trying to resign
So when you find I've finally done it
Forget my name and set my stupid fucking corpse on fire
I'm not afraid
Why should I be?
I've got all my friends from Baltimore right here with me
I'm not afraid
Why should I be?
I've got all my friends from high school right here with me
Eventually I'll have to take them
On my break if I don't shake less
Empty hands. the fire's left
They can't quite fight with their old strength
I'm so tired
I'm torn up
It's over now
You can make me normal
Your eyes are broken
You must lose them
Take the pills
Kill the delusions
You can't see it's adequate
So swallow while you can't fix
I haven't shaken in what seems like forever
I have let go of all my old obsessions
I'm healthy I am better
There's no more songs so when I'm dead and gone
I know it won't be the new me they remember
But I don't need my eyes to see
My eyes have only lied to me
Recognize the time for quitting
And your vision will outlive them all
The song "Kill Me" by Cex is a melancholic track that talks about a person's mental health struggles and their desire to end their life. The lyrics express a strong feeling of detachment from the world, as the singer longs to disappear and be forgotten. The lines "Want you to find me but I don't want you to touch me, seems so disgusting to be handled like a doll" reflect the singer's desire to be seen but not to be affected by others, to be noticed but not to be touched.
It is evident that the singer is dealing with severe depression and is contemplating suicide. The lines "Things aren't getting any better, things are only getting worse" express how the singer lost hope for improvement, and they apologize for the mess of their life, implying guilt for the struggles in their life. However, the singer wishes to die without any drama, and they don't want a big party or a fuss made over their death.
The song's chorus, "I'm not afraid, why should I be? I've got all my friends from Baltimore right here with me. I'm not afraid, why should I be? I've got all my friends from high school right here with me," paints a picture of a person who feels alone, but in their mind, they have all of their friends with them. It doesn't matter where their friends are currently or what they're doing. They're all together in their mind, providing comfort and support. The line "Eventually, I’ll have to take them" implies that the singer will eventually take their friends with them in death, which is a terribly lonely and bleak thought.
Line by Line Meaning
Want you to find me
I want to be found because I am lonely
But I don't want you to touch me
I don't want any physical contact with anyone
Seems so disgusting
I feel repulsed by the thought of being handled
To be handled like a doll
I don't want to be treated like an object
I'm not trying to be dramatic
I am not seeking attention on purpose
I'm trying to be nothing
I just want to disappear
So when you find I've finally done it
If I die, I want you to discover my body
Please burn me where I lay
I want to be cremated at the spot where I die
Things aren't getting any better
My life is not improving
Things are only getting worse
My life is becoming more difficult
I'll apologize for the mess of my life
I feel guilty for the way my life turned out
For the rest of my life, forever
I will carry this guilt forever
Unless you promise, promise to kill me first
I would rather die than continue living this way
But I don't want a big party
I don't want anyone to make a fuss over me
Hiding my body in the ground
I want to be buried in secret
So your version of the story is safe for the rest of your lives
I don't want my life to be retold by others after my death
I'm crying for attention
I am seeking attention
I'm done
I am finished with everything
I'm trying to resign
I have given up
Forget my name and set my stupid fucking corpse on fire
I want to be forgotten and my body to be cremated
I'm not afraid
I am not scared
Why should I be?
There is nothing to be afraid of
I've got all my friends from Baltimore right here with me
I have people who care about me
Eventually I'll have to take them
At some point, I will have to deal with my problems
On my break if I don't shake less
I need to calm down before I can face my problems
Empty hands. the fire's left
I have nothing left to fight with
They can't quite fight with their old strength
I am not as strong as I used to be
I'm so tired
I am exhausted
I'm torn up
I am emotionally damaged
It's over now
It's all finished
You can make me normal
You can help me become a normal person
Your eyes are broken
You have a distorted view of the world
You must lose them
You need to change your perspective
Take the pills
Use whatever medicine or treatment is necessary
Kill the delusions
Get rid of any false beliefs
You can't see it's adequate
You don't realize how good things are
So swallow while you can't fix
Take advantage of the time you have to change
I haven't shaken in what seems like forever
I haven't been this calm in a long time
I have let go of all my old obsessions
I have moved on from my previous fixations
I'm healthy I am better
I am in a better place
There's no more songs so when I'm dead and gone
I have nothing left to say
I know it won't be the new me they remember
People will remember me for who I was before
But I don't need my eyes to see
I am okay without seeing clearly
My eyes have only lied to me
My perception of the world has been distorted
Recognize the time for quitting
Know when it's time to move on
And your vision will outlive them all
If you change your perspective, you will live longer than those who don't
Lyrics © O/B/O APRA AMCOS
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
olearris
Still coming here for cex. Love this artist just wish there was more.
sinnison23
I'd still consider this Glitch / IDM. Love this song, though I'd have to say my favorite albums are "Role Model" and "Oops, I Did It Again."
Alfredo
this is basically industrial in the vein of NIN
Jay Hopkins
Eh IDK, Cex definitely does IDM/Glitch, but he definitely transitioned out of it.
dadasopher
i love this.
knife3
great! simply great!
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMpenis
fucking awesome
Sound8Vision
This stuff is so strange....reminds me of Ariel Pink and Sparklehorse. I like it though.
antivist
jade three records? is cez no longer with migel and tigerbeat6?
UltraHarrier
fukkn yesss