She is known for her sense of humor, which is expressed in both her music and her onstage performances. Many of her songs alternate between emotional reflections on romance and outright comedy. Two of her more famous songs include "Sensitive New Age Guys" and "Bald Headed Men".
If I Ruled The World
Christine Lavin Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
i would think up inventions
I'd throw out the rules
disregard all convention
I'd make the world peaceful
sunny and bright
so all of us
would sleep better at night
first thing I'd demand would be
a car alarm
easy to operate
hard to disarm
it would be silent on streets and parking lots
instead
it would only go off
in the car owner's bed
I'd like a fast-forward button
for those boring times
when spending hours with relatives
drives you out of your mind
you'd simply point it and zap them
zip right to the end
of their dull observations
and their leaving, but then
I'd like a slow-motion button
to make good times last
and to slow down some boyfriends
who just go too fast
kisses will be sweeter
massages more healing
it would come in handy when making gravy
keep it from congealing
I'd invent something for one of
those awkward attacks
when you leave a stupid message on voice mail
and can't take it back
you'd simply click and rewind
record a brilliant remark
that will impress the callee
maybe win his heart
I wish I had an alarm on each shoe
that would warn me if I was about
to step in dog do
and perhaps for just
a slightly higher sum
it would tell you if you were
near wet bubblegum
A buzzer on my mirror
that would warn if my hair
was a horrible mess
or if I need to use Nair
the deluxe model would have
an attachment that yells
'that's a fashion mistake
your clothes look like hell'
A sensor in the ladies room
that discreetly knows
you have tucked your dress
into your pantyhose
(this happened to me
in a real fancy place
you should have seen the look
on the maitre'd's face)
A detector that tells you
what's in the Crackerjack box
an extra five minutes
on every clock
an umbrella with
a nice bracelet attached
you'll never lose it
and it's handy in a subway attack
Every country would drive
on the right side of the street
I'd remove all cholesterol
from all of our meat
children would volunteer
to take naps
women would gain the power
to understand maps
a car horn that blasts its own
driver in the face
now he'll think twice
before disturbing this place
a returnable newspaper
once it's been read
half your money's refunded
a self-making bed
if I ruled the world
i would make these inventions
every year we'd think up more
at invention conventions
we'd make the world peaceful
happy and bright
and all of us
would sleep better at night
In Christine Lavin's song "If I Ruled the World," she presents a creative and humorous take on how life could be so much better if she were in charge of everything. Lavin begins by stating that if she ruled the world, she would think up different inventions and throw out the rules while disregarding all conventions. She would make the world a peaceful and sunny place to live in, where everyone can sleep better at night. The song is an elaborate description of different inventions and improvements that Lavin would implement if she were in charge.
Lavin's vision includes innovations that would solve daily life problems such as an easy-to-operate and hard-to-disarm car alarm that would only go off in the car owner's bed instead of waking up the whole neighborhood with its loud noise. She also desires a fast-forward and a slow-motion button to jump to the end of boring conversations and to make precious moments last longer, respectively. Additionally, she suggests an alarm on each shoe that would warn someone if they were about to step in dog doo, and she even has an idea for an umbrella with a bracelet attached in case of a subway attack.
Overall, the song presents the idea that the world can be a better place with a little bit of creativity, humor, and innovation. By imagining all of these comical ideas, Lavin underscores the absurdity of life and how we could all use a bit of fun in our day-to-day experiences.
Line by Line Meaning
if I ruled the world
If I had complete control over the world
i would think up inventions
I would create new and innovative products and ideas
I'd throw out the rules
I would abandon traditional guidelines
disregard all convention
Ignore accepted norms and practices
I'd make the world peaceful
I would strive for global harmony and tranquility
sunny and bright
Optimistic and full of hope
so all of us
Every person on the planet
would sleep better at night
We would have less stress and be able to rest easier
first thing I'd demand would be
My top priority would be to require
a car alarm
A device that alerts the owner of potential threats to their vehicle
easy to operate
Simple and user-friendly
hard to disarm
Difficult for unauthorized individuals to turn off
it would be silent on streets and parking lots
It would refrain from making noise in public areas
instead
Rather
it would only go off
The alarm would only activate
in the car owner's bed
When the owner is sleeping in their car
I'd like a fast-forward button
I desire a feature that speeds up time
for those boring times
During dull and uninteresting moments
when spending hours with relatives
During extended visits with family members
drives you out of your mind
Causes aggravation and extreme annoyance
you'd simply point it and zap them
You could aim and quickly move past that moment in time
zip right to the end
Quickly move to the conclusion
of their dull observations
Tedious comments and opinions
and their leaving, but then
And then their eventual departure
I'd like a slow-motion button
I would also like a feature that slows down time
to make good times last
To extend enjoyable moments
and to slow down some boyfriends
To slow down partners who are moving too quickly
who just go too fast
To those who tend to rush through things
kisses will be sweeter
Romantic moments will be enhanced
massages more healing
Massage therapy will be more effective
it would come in handy when making gravy
May be useful when cooking
keep it from congealing
Prevent it from solidifying
I'd invent something for one of
I would also create a device for
those awkward attacks
Embarrassing situations
when you leave a stupid message on voice mail
Leaving an unsophisticated voice mail message
and can't take it back
Unable to undo the mistake
you'd simply click and rewind
You could play the message again from the beginning
record a brilliant remark
Remember something clever to say
that will impress the callee
That will make the recipient appreciate your wit
maybe win his heart
Possibly gain affection or admiration from the other person
I wish I had an alarm on each shoe
I desire a safety device on my footwear
that would warn me if I was about
Alert me to the presence of
to step in dog do
Excrement from dogs
and perhaps for just
Also, for a small additional price
a slightly higher sum
A slightly increased amount of money
it would tell you if you were
It would warn you of the proximity of
near wet bubblegum
Gum that has been discarded and is still moist
A buzzer on my mirror
A device attached to my mirror
that would warn if my hair
To alert me if my hair
was a horrible mess
Looks disheveled and unkempt
or if I need to use Nair
If hair removal cream is required
the deluxe model would have
An upgraded version would include
an attachment that yells
A feature that verbally insults
'that's a fashion mistake
Criticizing your clothing choices
your clothes look like hell'
Make it blatantly obvious that your outfit is unacceptable
A sensor in the ladies room
A device placed in the women's restroom
that discreetly knows
Secretly detects
you have tucked your dress
When your dress has been improperly positioned
into your pantyhose
Getting clothes stuck in your pantyhose
(this happened to me
(I personally experienced this issue
in a real fancy place
At an expensive and upscale venue
you should have seen the look
The expression on their face was priceless
on the maitre'd's face)
(The head waiter was taken aback)
A detector that tells you
A device that informs you about
what's in the Crackerjack box
Revealing the contents of the snack item
an extra five minutes
Additional time
on every clock
Added to every timekeeping device
an umbrella with
An accessory that includes
a nice bracelet attached
Has an attractive ornamentation
you'll never lose it
It will never go missing
and it's handy in a subway attack
Useful in an emergency situation
Every country would drive
All nations would operate vehicles
on the right side of the street
Travel on the correct side of the road
I'd remove all cholesterol
I would eliminate cholesterol entirely
from all of our meat
From animal products consumed by humans
children would volunteer
Young people would be willing to
to take naps
Rest periodically during the day
women would gain the power
Females would acquire the ability
to understand maps
Comprehend navigational diagrams
a car horn that blasts its own
A vehicle alarm that startles the owner
driver in the face
Aimed directly at the motorist
now he'll think twice
Discouraging the behavior
before disturbing this place
Before creating a ruckus in this area
a returnable newspaper
A publication that can be redeemed for a refund
once it's been read
After having been perused
half your money's refunded
Recouping 50% of the purchase price
a self-making bed
A bed that automatically cleans itself
i would make these inventions
I would invent these items
every year we'd think up more
Annually develop additional concepts
at invention conventions
During gatherings that showcase novel ideas
we'd make the world peaceful
Our goal would be worldwide tranquility
happy and bright
Full of positivity and optimism
and all of us
Every individual
would sleep better at night
Be able to rest with ease and less stress
Contributed by Bella K. Suggest a correction in the comments below.