Self-Loathing Bastard
Cross My Heart Lyrics
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The lyrics of Cross My Heart's song "Self-Loathing Bastard" paint a picture of a person who is struggling with self-loathing, depression, and the pressures of daily life. The opening lines reveal the character's reluctance to get out of bed, as they hide under the covers and hold their breath, hoping to avoid facing the harsh reality of their life. The character is overwhelmed by the stresses of their life and wants to escape the pain by seeking death.
The lyrics go on to describe the character's feelings of inadequacy and frustration with themselves. They feel like they have said everything they needed to say when they were sober, but they are unable to express themselves anymore. They feel like they are surrounded by a "legion of liars" and are unable to cope with the realities of the world around them.
The chorus of the song describes the character's loneliness and isolation. They feel like they are irrelevant and that their time is passing them by. They are unable to think straight, and their thoughts are scattered and incoherent.
Overall, "Self-Loathing Bastard" is a powerful exploration of the pain and isolation that come with depression and self-loathing. The lyrics are raw and emotional, and they offer a glimpse into the struggles of those who battle these feelings daily.
Line by Line Meaning
Under the covers.
I hide myself from the world and my own problems by retreating under the covers on my bed.
I hold my breath.
My anxiety and self-loathing are so overwhelming that I feel like I can't even breathe.
I hide my head.
I physically try to hide from my problems by burying my head under the covers or in my hands.
From alarm clocks and lovers.
I am avoiding both responsibilities (represented by alarm clocks) and relationships (represented by lovers) because I feel like I am not worthy of either.
That wake me when I wish I were dead.
When I am awakened by an alarm clock or someone who cares about me, it only reminds me of how much I hate myself and wish I were dead.
What do you want from me.
I feel like everyone around me is expecting something from me, but I don't know what it is or how to give it to them.
Wake me when I'm not over it.
I wish someone could magically make me get over my self-loathing, but I know it's a journey I have to take on my own.
I can't think straight with nothing left to say.
My own negative thoughts are clouding my mind, and I feel like there's nothing I can say or do to change the way I feel.
Said it all when I was sober.
I've tried talking to people about my problems when I'm not under the influence of drugs or alcohol, but it feels hopeless because the self-loathing is always there.
Legion of liars.
I feel like everyone around me is lying to me, either about caring for me or about their own struggles, which only fuels my own self-hatred.
Don't want to face another day.
I dread waking up each morning because it means another day of facing my own self-hatred and inner turmoil.
What am I here for.
I am questioning the purpose of my existence and whether it's worth it to continue living when I feel so alone and worthless.
Why do I treat myself this way.
I am struggling to understand why I am so hard on myself and why I can't seem to break free from these negative thoughts and feelings.
You said you had enough of me.
I feel like the people around me have given up on me and don't want to deal with my constant self-loathing and need for validation.
You said you had enough of this lie.
I feel like everyone around me is pretending that everything is okay, even though I know that they can see how much I am struggling.
Can't believe I'm not over it.
I wish I could just snap out of this self-loathing and move on with my life, but I know it's not that simple.
Can't think straight.
My own negative thoughts are still clouding my mind, and it's hard to focus on anything else.
With everything to say.
Despite feeling like I have nothing left to say or do, my mind is still racing and overwhelmed with negative thoughts.
Come to think I'm irrelevant.
I am starting to feel like I don't matter to anyone and that my life is meaningless.
And they say my time will come.
Despite feeling hopeless, I have been told that things will get better and that things will work out in the end.
And they say my day will come.
People around me keep promising that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that I will find peace and happiness eventually.
But it's walking straight away from me.
Despite these promises of a better future, it still feels like peace and happiness are out of reach and getting further away from me each day.
Away from me.
It feels like everyone and everything that could help me is moving further and further away, leaving me alone with my self-loathing and despair.
Contributed by Sarah G. Suggest a correction in the comments below.