Crywank started in 2009 with Jay Clayton attempting to do some folk-punk influenced acoustic music with no previous experience playing guitar. The first album "James is going to die soon" was inspired by a painful break up. Jay stated that "I wrote these songs out of frustration and sadness and they ended up making me feel a lot better, I hope they have a similar effect on you".
In 2012 Crywank released their second album 'Narcissist On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown'. Described as "a collection of paranoid songs mostly about me trying to understand my own sadness along with the concept of sadness as a whole. It was fueled by self help books and pot."
In late 2012 Dan Watson joined Crywank on percussion, and in early 2013 they released tour demos for their third album 'Tomorrow Is Nearly Yesterday And Everyday Is Stupid' which was released in October 2013.
In 2016 Jay and Dan began couch surfing to afford to be able to tour as much as possible. Over the next four years they performed over 500 shows in over 30 countries and released four albums.
Crywank announced their breakup following a world tour in 2019, alongside the album βfist me til your hand comes out my mouthββ a huge departure in sound and the first release to include songwriting from Dan and explained the tense relationship between Jay and Dan that had developed over the years on the road.
Their breakup tour was cut short by the COVID-19 pandemic and the North American and European dates had to be rescheduled numerous times. During this time Jay was in a house fire, which led to the release of a solo Crywank album βJust Popping In To Say Hiβ that was written and recorded over three days.
Between 2022-2023 Crywank managed to continue their final tour and performed 100 shows in the USA and over 50 shows in the UK and Ireland, often with bass player Jules Noel (AKA Guard Petal). In 2024 it was announced that Crywank will no longer be breaking up and Jules would be joining the band.
The name Crywank comes from reclaiming a cruel nickname given to Jay during a period of depression. Jay has since said that if they knew how popular the band would have become they probably wouldβve chosen a different name.
Notches
Crywank Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
One more night stoned alone
Ever-increasing notches on my belt
I want to feel more than just sorry for myself
I still feel stupid when I cry.
I need to tryβ¦
and not be so damn self-obsessed
to learn to like to be myself
and not rely on someone else
to care not for fears and not for doubts
and just for those i care about
to try because I want to try
and not to try for only I
I wait for something to change
maybe what should change is really me
now I can see why I was cast aside
you'll all have a better love, you'll all have a better life
watch me spread my wings just to fall down
watch me waiting here, flat-faced little clown
In the first few lines of the song "Notches," Crywank delivers a bleak message of loneliness and isolation. The singer is alone and turning to drugs to cope with his solitude. The line "Ever-increasing notches on my belt" suggests that he is keeping track of how many times he has used drugs as a means of escape. He is aware that he needs to change his ways but feels stuck in his self-destructive patterns. The lyrics "I want to feel more than just sorry for myself" indicate that the singer has a desire to move beyond his current situation and overcome his feelings of self-pity.
The second half of the song speaks to the singer's struggle with his emotions. He feels stupid for crying and recognizes that he needs to find a way to fix his mental health. He wants to learn to be comfortable in his own skin and not rely on others to provide him with happiness or validation. The line "to care not for fears and not for doubts, and just for those I care about" highlights his desire to prioritize his relationships with others over his own insecurities. He acknowledges that he needs to make changes within himself, rather than waiting for external circumstances to improve.
Overall, "Notches" is a poignant and honest portrait of someone struggling with isolation and mental health issues. Crywank's lyrics capture the feeling of hopelessness that many people experience when they are caught in a cycle of negative thoughts and behaviors.
Line by Line Meaning
No one to wonder when I'll be home
I feel alone and no one is waiting for me to come back.
One more night stoned alone
I'm spending another night high all by myself.
Ever-increasing notches on my belt
I have been with many people but it has not filled the void in my life.
I want to feel more than just sorry for myself
I want to find happiness and not just wallow in self-pity.
I still feel stupid when I cry.
I feel ashamed to show my emotions.
I need to tryβ¦
I need to make an effort to change.
to find a way to fix my head
I need to work on my mental health and well-being.
and not be so damn self-obsessed
I shouldn't constantly focus on myself and my problems.
to learn to like to be myself
I need to learn to accept and enjoy being who I am.
and not rely on someone else
I shouldn't depend on others for my happiness.
to care not for fears and not for doubts
I shouldn't be controlled by my fears and doubts.
and just for those i care about
I should prioritize caring for the people who matter most to me.
to try because I want to try
I should make an effort because I genuinely want to improve my life.
and not to try for only I
I shouldn't try to change just for my own benefit.
I wait for something to change
I'm waiting for my life to improve on its own.
maybe what should change is really me
Perhaps I'm the one who needs to change in order to be happy.
now I can see why I was cast aside
I understand why people have left me behind in the past.
you'll all have a better love, you'll all have a better life
Others will find love and happiness while I continue to struggle.
watch me spread my wings just to fall down
I try to succeed but end up failing anyway.
watch me waiting here, flat-faced little clown
I feel like a fool for waiting and hoping for things to simply get better on their own.
Contributed by Kaylee E. Suggest a correction in the comments below.