Crywank started in 2009 with Jay Clayton attempting to do some folk-punk influenced acoustic music with no previous experience playing guitar. The first album "James is going to die soon" was inspired by a painful break up. Jay stated that "I wrote these songs out of frustration and sadness and they ended up making me feel a lot better, I hope they have a similar effect on you".
In 2012 Crywank released their second album 'Narcissist On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown'. Described as "a collection of paranoid songs mostly about me trying to understand my own sadness along with the concept of sadness as a whole. It was fueled by self help books and pot."
In late 2012 Dan Watson joined Crywank on percussion, and in early 2013 they released tour demos for their third album 'Tomorrow Is Nearly Yesterday And Everyday Is Stupid' which was released in October 2013.
In 2016 Jay and Dan began couch surfing to afford to be able to tour as much as possible. Over the next four years they performed over 500 shows in over 30 countries and released four albums.
Crywank announced their breakup following a world tour in 2019, alongside the album ‘fist me til your hand comes out my mouth’’ a huge departure in sound and the first release to include songwriting from Dan and explained the tense relationship between Jay and Dan that had developed over the years on the road.
Their breakup tour was cut short by the COVID-19 pandemic and the North American and European dates had to be rescheduled numerous times. During this time Jay was in a house fire, which led to the release of a solo Crywank album ‘Just Popping In To Say Hi’ that was written and recorded over three days.
Between 2022-2023 Crywank managed to continue their final tour and performed 100 shows in the USA and over 50 shows in the UK and Ireland, often with bass player Jules Noel (AKA Guard Petal). In 2024 it was announced that Crywank will no longer be breaking up and Jules would be joining the band.
The name Crywank comes from reclaiming a cruel nickname given to Jay during a period of depression. Jay has since said that if they knew how popular the band would have become they probably would’ve chosen a different name.
Privately Owned Spiral Galaxy
Crywank Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Must I care for nothing more than myself? Do I dare
Admit the fraught thoughts cavorting? Resorting in inner-directed mourning
For the part of me that was selfless but left without a warning.
Well that's what I said, but maybe it's the fact that I detest
This obsession with myself that's left a mess inside my head.
Oh shit I'm doing it again, repelling any potential friend,
Revealing my innate ability to never fully comprehend
Condescending anyone polite enough to choose to misspend their time
Watching me as I achieve my secret social mission.
To drain people with my boring stories and opinions.
To see the bigger picture takes intelligence and wisdom,
But I won't see nothing more with just myself in my vision.
I go outside a blitz of faces unwilling to admit to any empathy,
Endlessly incessantly declining any pleasantries.
Heavily breathing, socially teething. I'm open like a vivisection.
Intense tendency to dwell, seething over missed connections.
Infected by my perceptions that I'm a non-entity,
Project my insecurity until intensity is weaponry.
Grieving a heavenly fiction I perceived whilst I was dreaming.
Awake! Freezing, wheezing, fundamentally I'm still believing that,
This is an elegy for concepts I conceived in deep sleep,
As I helplessly watch them fade whilst I awake, I try and keep them alive.
Incomparable with life but eventually they die
And the brain I used to cultivate reveals my lovers where a lie.
When inside my mind I find a way to replicate reality.
Through lucid dreaming I decimate the limitations of actuality.
Capacity practically eternal, mortality external,
No god but I investigate the blasphemous worship of the nocturnal.
Internally existing without morality creates profanities without the travesty
And compared to the apathy of realness I reveal my own insanity.
The majesty of fantasy protects me from tragedy.
Normalities effects traject the agony of rationality.
Which thankfully penetrates with no avail to my unreality,
An elaborately designed privately owned spiral galaxy.
Financially I'm failing, naturally decaying.
Soon I'll have no safe place to sleep if these bills still need paying,
Displaying cravings with open eyes for something mind expanding
For when I drift away I see the totality of understanding
In Privately Owned Spiral Galaxy, Crywank explores the inner workings of a person’s mind and their struggles with self-worth and social interactions. The opening lines describe a “thought cycle gusty,” suggesting that the singer’s mind is constantly in flux, making it difficult to settle on one thought. They question whether they should only care about themselves, admitting to their inner-directed mourning for the part of themselves that was once selfless. The singer admits to struggling with self-obsession and detesting it, yet they still find themselves repelling potential friends and struggling to comprehend anything bigger than themselves.
The second verse deepens the singer’s internal struggle, describing their social anxiety and tendency to overthink missed connections. They project their insecurity onto others and grieve for a "heavenly fiction" they once perceived but must grapple with its loss. They use lucid dreaming to escape the limitations of reality but can’t escape their own mind, which reveals their internal lies. Finally, the singer delves into their own constructed world, their "privately owned spiral galaxy," as a form of protection against the agonies of “realness” and the rationality of society.
Line by Line Meaning
Thought cycle gusty a mind filled with hot air.
My mind is swirling with conflicting thoughts and emotions.
Must I care for nothing more than myself? Do I dare
Admit the fraught thoughts cavorting? Resorting in inner-directed mourning
For the part of me that was selfless but left without a warning.
I am struggling with a sense of selfishness and mourning for my past selflessness and the people and things I have lost along the way.
Well that's what I said, but maybe it's the fact that I detest
This obsession with myself that's left a mess inside my head.
I am unsure if my current selfishness is a conscious choice or a result of my own self-loathing and internal struggles.
Oh shit I'm doing it again, repelling any potential friend,
Revealing my innate ability to never fully comprehend
Anything bigger than myself, but in the end I still pretend.
I am realizing that I am pushing people away with my self-centered behavior and lack of understanding of anything beyond myself, yet I continue to pretend otherwise.
Condescending anyone polite enough to choose to misspend their time
Watching me as I achieve my secret social mission.
I am dismissive and condescending towards people who choose to spend time with me, secretly hoping to fulfill some sort of social agenda but ultimately failing.
To drain people with my boring stories and opinions.
I am aware that I am draining others with my uninteresting stories and opinions that are solely centered around myself.
To see the bigger picture takes intelligence and wisdom,
But I won't see nothing more with just myself in my vision.
I understand that seeing beyond myself requires intelligence and wisdom, but I am currently unable to do so because all I see is myself.
I go outside a blitz of faces unwilling to admit to any empathy,
Endlessly incessantly declining any pleasantries.
When I am around others, I am met with a sea of faces that are unwilling to show any empathy or kindness to me.
Heavily breathing, socially teething. I'm open like a vivisection.
My anxiety and social ineptitude make me feel exposed and vulnerable, like an open surgical procedure.
Infected by my perceptions that I'm a non-entity,
Project my insecurity until intensity is weaponry.
My negative self-perceptions lead me to believe that I am insignificant, and I use my insecurity and intensity as a way to protect myself against others.
Grieving a heavenly fiction I perceived whilst I was dreaming.
Awake! Freezing, wheezing, fundamentally I'm still believing that,
This is an elegy for concepts I conceived in deep sleep,
As I helplessly watch them fade whilst I awake, I try and keep them alive.
I am grieving the loss of a perfect reality that I only experienced in my dreams, yet I still hold onto the hope that it can somehow be kept alive in my waking life.
Incomparable with life but eventually they die
And the brain I used to cultivate reveals my lovers where a lie.
The perfect reality I dreamt of is not sustainable in real life and eventually fades away, leaving me feeling betrayed by my own mind.
When inside my mind I find a way to replicate reality.
Through lucid dreaming I decimate the limitations of actuality.
I use lucid dreaming as a way to create a perfect reality within my own mind, free from any limitations of the real world.
Capacity practically eternal, mortality external,
No god but I investigate the blasphemous worship of the nocturnal.
Inside my mind, I am limitless and immortal, and I use this power to explore and understand the mystical and supernatural.
Internally existing without morality creates profanities without the travesty
And compared to the apathy of realness I reveal my own insanity.
My lack of morality in my internal reality leads me to commit profane acts without any real-world consequences, yet I am beginning to see how my own internal reality is driving me to insanity.
The majesty of fantasy protects me from tragedy.
Normalities effects traject the agony of rationality.
The magical world I create in my mind is a safe haven that protects me from the harsh realities of life. The stresses of normalcy only serve to further highlight the pain and discomfort of rational thought.
Which thankfully penetrates with no avail to my unreality,
An elaborately designed privately owned spiral galaxy.
Thankfully, the rationality of the real world has no effect on my internal reality, which I have intricately and purposefully designed to be my own private and unique world.
Financially I'm failing, naturally decaying.
Soon I'll have no safe place to sleep if these bills still need paying,
Displaying cravings with open eyes for something mind expanding
For when I drift away I see the totality of understanding
In the real world, I am struggling financially and my life is gradually deteriorating. I yearn for something that will expand my mind and understanding, as it is only when I escape this reality that I can truly experience clarity and knowledge.
Writer(s): James William Clayton
Contributed by Sophia E. Suggest a correction in the comments below.