I Still...
Culture VI Lyrics

Stressed and depressed it's true I can't hide it I tried it
I can't hide my stress and depression, although I tried.

My future's undecided aggression
I'm uncertain about my future, and it's making me aggressive.

You can see it in my facial expression
My emotions are visible on my face.

I try not to show it as much as I can
I attempt to conceal my emotions.

They say I got a problem drink like my old man
People claim that I have a drinking problem, similar to my father's.

Just when I feel I can't I know I can
When it seems impossible, I motivate myself.

Be successful only find failure when I search
Although I seek success, I often encounter failure.

You see a brother smile not realizin' he hurts
I may appear happy but, in reality, I'm suffering.

Lookin' for direction Grandma suggestin' church
I'm seeking guidance, and my grandmother recommended visiting a church.

But I don't like mysteries and that's how the Lord works
I dislike the unknown, which is also how religious beliefs operate.

At first I thought I'd be in college with the pig skin
Initially, I wanted to attend college and play football.

Rap is a hobby then I fell in love with the pen
Despite considering rap as a hobby, I developed a passion for writing.

Normally nothin' bothers me death follows me
Typically, nothing bothers me but death is a recurring theme.

All I do is bob and weave life is a test
Life is a challenge, and I try to remain resilient.

Failed again will I succeed yes
Although I've failed multiple times, I have faith in my success.

All I do is have to believe trees
I need to have faith and trust in myself.

Keep a brother calm though my sanity is gone
Despite my mental state being compromised, I remain composed.

Look at the scars on my arm
My arms bear marks that signify an altercation or self-harm.

People want to know where they came from or what do they mean
People are curious about the source and significance of my scars.

It kind of looks like I had a fight with Wolverine
The scars on my arm are reminiscent of a fight with the fictional character Wolverine.

No dream the only thing I have is faith
I possess faith as the only means of hope.

I know it's more pleasant on that Pearly Gate
I understand that heaven is a more pleasing place.

But wait hopefully I have a couple more years left
I still have hope that I may have several more years before death.

Then I'll man up and stand face to face with death
I'll confront death courageously when the time comes.

The chip on my shoulder's a boulder now
Originally, a small issue became my significant burden.

I'm older now my blood runs colder now
As I've aged, I've become increasingly indifferent, losing emotion.

I ask why did they die and why am I cryin'?
I question why individuals have died and why I'm emotional about their passing.

Why am I tired of relyin' on rhymin'?
I'm questioning why I'm so reliant on writing rap verses.

I've been worse than the persons I speak of
My struggles and hardships exceed those individuals that I reference.

I'm cursed and I wreak of perversions a freak of
I'm plagued with disturbing thoughts and actions that make me an outsider.

Nature I hate to be bitchin' complainin'
I dislike complaining about life's natural occurrences.

So I smoke a lot of weed take a fifth to the brain and
I alleviate my stress and worries by using marijuana and alcohol.

Just let the pain inside of me fester
I ignore my pain and let it grow beneath the surface.

I've cried I confess but a side of me's messed up
I've shed tears occasionally, but I internally battle with myself.

See cryin' it hurts more than helps 'cause in this case
Crying only causes more pain rather than relief, in my situation.

The tears on my face symbolize I'm a disgrace
Crying is viewed as a sign of weakness, which makes me feel shameful.

I've looked for a book or a God to believe in
I search for faith or religious text to believe in.

I've reached and I've tried but inside I'm a weaklin'
Despite making attempts to discover faith, I remain doubtful and indecisive.

I'm tired of seekin' a sign or an omen
I'm tired of actively seeking divine intervention or guidance.

I'm broken tired of copin' tired of hopin'
I'm exhausted by my attempts to handle life's difficulties and the hope that things will improve.

I'll make it Tired of chokin' I take it I've wasted
I still believe that I will succeed, but I'm tired of being held back and wasting my time.

A whole lot of time and a whole lot of years
I've spent many years trying to overcome my struggles.

Smoked a whole lot of dimes drank a whole lot of beers
To escape the pain and difficulty, I consumed alcohol and marijuana regularly.

Not a whole lot of fear when it comes to my death or
I'm not frightened when it comes to the prospect of death.

My takin' of breath's just a break from the pressure
Death is viewed as temporary relief from life's pressure.

I ache and possess a threshold of pain
I endure tremendous pain without much relief.

I've become this numbness inject Novocaine
I've become numb to pain and cope with it by self-medicating.

I've searched for the answers I've searched for the truth
I've attempted to find answers; a sense of clarity and understanding about my struggles.

Born precious livin' a life that's lifeless
I was fortunate to be born, but my life lacks passion and purpose.

And the pressure's diggin' a knife in my chest
The burden and stress of life affect me deeply, like a stabbing pain in my chest.

While I'm here I gotta work have eternity to rest
I must work now as there'll be plenty of time to rest after death.

I learned Checkers never knew life was like Chess
I learned that figuratively, life is more complex than a game of Checkers, which is relatively simple.