Words
Cyann & Ben Lyrics

I never meant to make it such a mess
I did not intend to turn this situation into such a chaotic state.

I never thought that it would go this far
I did not anticipate the situation to escalate to this extent.

So I just stand here sorry
I am present here, feeling apologetic.

Searching for something to say
I am looking for the right words to express my feelings.

Something to say
I am looking for the right words to express my feelings.

Words fail, words fail
I am unable to articulate my thoughts effectively.

There's nothing I can say
I am unable to express anything that would make sense of the current situation.

I guess I thought I could be part of this
I believed I could be a member of this group.

I never had this kind of thing before
I have never experienced this type of situation previously.

I never had that perfect girl
I never had a girlfriend prior to this who understood me completely.

Who somehow could see the good part of me
She saw the positive characteristics in me even when I did not do anything exceptional.

I never had the dad who stuck it out
My father never stayed around when I was growing up.

No corny jokes or baseball gloves
He did not share typical father-son moments with me like cracking jokes or playing catch.

No mom who just was there
My mother never had a major role in my life.

'Cause mom was all that she had to be
She only played the role she was expected to play as a mother.

That's not a worthy explanation
My reasons for being this way are not considered justifiable.

I know there is none
I am aware that there is no explanation for my behaviour.

Nothing can make sense of all these things I've done
The things I have done do not make any logical sense.

Except sometimes, you see everything you wanted
Occasionally, you observe all the things you desired.

And sometimes, you see everything you wish you had
At times, you realize all the things you wish to have.

And it's right there, right there, right there
These things are right in front of you.

In front of you
These things are right in front of you.

And you want to believe it's true
You aspire to believe it is authentic.

So you make it true
You begin accepting it as a reality.

And you think maybe everybody wants it
You believe that everybody desires it.

And needs it, a little bit too
You believe that everybody needs it to some extent.

This was just a sad invention
This was a melancholic creation.

It wasn't real, I know
It was not authentic, I am aware of this fact.

But we were happy
Despite this, we were happy.

I guess I couldn't let that go
I was unable to let go of this feeling or idea.

I guess I couldn't give that up
I was unable to abandon these feelings or ideas.

I guess I wanted to believe
I wanted to believe it was authentic.

'Cause if I just believe
If I believe it's true,

Then I don't have to see what's really there
I am not required to confront reality.

No, I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts
Instead, I prefer pretending to be a more positive version of myself than to admit I am broken and imperfect.

Pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am
I prefer pretending to be something other than the flawed and chaotic version of myself that I am.

'Cause then I don't have to look at it
Because in that way, I do not have to face reality.

And no one gets to look at it
Neither do others around me.

No, no one can really see
They are unable to perceive my true nature.

'Cause I've learned to slam on the brake
I learnt to pause before doing something impulsive or hasty.

Before I even turn the key
Before I set things in motion.

Before I make the mistake
Before I make an irreversible error.

Before I lead with the worst of me
Before I show my worst qualities to others.

I never let them see the worst of me
I try not to show others the negative aspects of myself.

'Cause what if everyone saw?
What if everyone saw my true colours?

What if everyone knew?
What if everyone knew everything about me?

Would they like what they saw?
Would people accept and embrace who I really am?

Or would they hate it too?
Would they despise me for who I am?

Will I just keep on running away from what's true?
Will I continue avoiding the reality of who I am?

All I ever do is run
I keep running away from the truth.

So how do I step in
How do I confront reality?

Step into the sun?
How do I emerge from the darkness and embrace reality?