Although a vein of social and political humor runs though even his earliest work, Bern's work became more explicitly political during the 2004 US presidential election campaign, with songs such as "Bush Must Be Defeated" and "President" highlighting his sometimes surreal political takes.
Bern is reflexively literate, in the style of his favorite authors, including L.A.'s legendary bohemians Charles Bukowski and John Fante, urbane fantasist James Thurber, and yarn-spinning humorist Ring Lardner. He is in love with the power of words to turn on themselves, to frolic, to bite, and his strong, friendly voice can go from earnest to ferocious within seconds. Being captivated by Dan is the easy part; describing his music to the non-initiated is more difficult. One journalist tried: "topical-poetical-sarcastic-punk-folk." An admirable effort, further elaborated by the New York Times: "He veers from comedy to anger, conjectures to shaggy-dog stories; he takes sidelong approaches to theology, science fiction, consumer culture, art, love and baseball."
President
Dan Bern Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
One January day
And just like that I was the President of the U.S.A.
Just like that I was the President of the U.S.A.
There were limos, bands & speeches
Parties to go to
I said all that will have to wait
Them parties can wait, there's so much to do
My first day I offered statehood
To Cuba & Mexico
Cuba: 1 state, Mexico: 6
All or nothing, that's how it goes
No more border patrols & human smuggling
We'll deal with our own neighborhood
And a few more stars & some green in the flag
Seems like it might be good
And maybe Israel & Palestine
Will follow our lead and just combine
And then become Israelstine, who knows?
Anyway, that's my first day
Second day I told Detroit
Start makin' cars that don't use gas
And I give everybody a big rebate
And they started sellin' fast
We'll stop burnin' up the air we breathe
And makin' the planet boil
And we won't have to kiss the ass
Of whoever's got the oil
Since before Hoover
The farmers have got the short end of the stick
With the help of our Cuban brothers
We'll go communistic (collective farms!)
Capitalism is a fine thing
If it works, then great, okay
But if it don't, you gotta try something else
That's what I did on my third day
My fourth day all of our troops came home
From all around the earth
Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran
More trouble than they're worth
And I was tempted to say "I'm sorry
We'll rebuild you with money and men."
But I just said, "You're on your own
And don't fuck with us again."
My fifth day I changed the army
So it's all of us or none
We'll all tie knots and walk through mud
Pitch tents and fire a gun
With just a few of us as warriors
And the rest of us gone soft
Martians could come and zap us
Ain't gonna happen on my watch
Day six I swore no prisoner more
Would face his death inside
Thou shalt not kill, applies to us all
Too many mistakes besides
Day six I swore no prisoners more
Would ever face his death
At least until my jury hears
The crimes of President Bush
Day seven was hot, I legalized pot
And none of this decriminalizing crap
Let it grow in glory, end of story
Then I burned one & took a nap
Hemp will help the farmers
We'll grow hemp everywhere
One acre of hemp's like ten acres of trees
And hemp grows back next year
My eighth day I made health care
Apply to everyone
If you get sick, see a doctor
That's how my government's run
And by the way abortion
Is included in this plan
No one tells a girl how to treat her body
Least of all some man
My ninth day I said sorry
This government is no fool
Ain't gonna pay you extra to send your kid to some
Weird-ass, wacko school
We'll do our best to make our schools
The best anyplace on earth
If they ain't good enough, think about it
Before you go give birth
My tenth day I made it okay
To marry whoever you
Would be willing to ride with
On a bicycle built for two
Marry a woman, marry a man
Marry a monkey too
Marry a big old rhino
And visit him at the zoo
And that was my first ten days
My first two working weeks
Lots of work for the bureaucrats
And the paper-pushing geeks
Next we'll need a little time
To go and just have fun
So we added some new holidays
The next week, one by one
Monday was national nude day
Everyone disrobed
Tuesday was national stoned day
Everyone got stoned
Wednesday was national painting day
Thursday no television
Friday was tennis, John McEnroe helped
From his cabinet position
Saturday, sex with impunity day
With no repercussions
Sunday, do it all: Nude, stoned, tennis, painting, sex, no tv -- enjoy!
Just be ready for work on Monday
Well, my cabinet, as previously mentioned
Includes John McEnroe
And Wavy Gravy and Michael Franti
And Ani DiFranco
Muhammad Ali, Madonna
Maya Angelou, Brad Pitt
And Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky
And we'll watch 'em both go at it
Next we'll get that Stephen Hawking
And make him a citizen and stuff
He's the smartest guy in the world
England's had him long enough
And I will not run for re-election
Four years enough of this
'Cause between you and me
I hate politics
I raised up my hand & said I solemnly swear
One January day
And just like that, I was the president
Of the U.S.A.
Just like that (just like that)
Just like that (just like that)
Just like that (just like that)
Just like that (just like that)
Just like that I was the President Of the U.S.A.
The song "President" by Dan Bern is a satirical look into what one individual would do if they were elected President of the United States. The song's lyrics touch on a variety of issues, including foreign relations, environmental concerns, healthcare, education, and social issues. The song's narrator is portrayed as a President who is unafraid to go against the political establishment and make radical changes.
The song begins with the singer raising their hand, taking the oath of office, and becoming the President of the United States. They eschew parties, limos, and public speeches in favor of getting straight to work. The singer's first order of business is to offer statehood to Cuba and Mexico, with Cuba becoming one state and Mexico gaining six. The singer also proposes the end of border patrols and human smuggling, as well as combining Israel and Palestine into a new country called "Israelstine."
The song continues with the singer making further policy changes, including the conversion of the army into a more collective organization and the legalization of marijuana. They also propose that healthcare cover everyone, including access to abortion. The song ends with the singer contemplating their future, revealing that they will not run for re-election after their term is up.
Line by Line Meaning
I raised up my hand & said I solemnly swear
I took the presidential oath and promised to uphold my duty.
One January day
On a specific day in January, I became President.
And just like that I was the President of the U.S.A.
Instantly, I became the President of the United States.
Them parties can wait, there's so much to do
Rather than celebrate, there were crucial tasks that required my attention immediately.
Cuba: 1 state, Mexico: 6
I offered statehood to Cuba and Mexico, with Cuba gaining 1 state and Mexico gaining 6.
All or nothing, that's how it goes
If Cuba and Mexico want to be granted statehood, they must agree to the condition of becoming part of the United States entirely.
And maybe Israel & Palestine
Perhaps the United States' actions could inspire the nations of Israel and Palestine to come together.
Will follow our lead and just combine
Israel and Palestine could merge to become Israelstine.
Anyway, that's my first day
Those were my objectives on my first day as President.
And I give everybody a big rebate
I issued a substantial rebate to everyone.
If it works, then great, okay
If capitalism is effective, then it's fine, but if it's not, we need to make changes.
That's what I did on my third day
I made significant changes on my third day as President to provide a better alternative to capitalism.
More trouble than they're worth
The United States' military presence in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Iran wasn't worth the problems the country was causing.
Ain't gonna happen on my watch
I refuse to allow the country to fall because we are too complacent and unprepared.
At least until my jury hears
I won't permit any more executions except for those who were previously convicted of extreme offenses.
And none of this decriminalizing crap
I legalized marijuana and refused to make it a crime.
Marry a woman, marry a man
Nuptials between people of any gender or even animals are welcomed.
Let it grow in glory, end of story
Hemp was made legal to help farmers and provide a useful plant instead of wasteful trees.
Least of all some man
The government should not control a woman's reproductive choices.
We'll do our best to make our schools
The United States will improve its educational system to guarantee a more efficient future.
If they ain't good enough, think about it
If the education provided isn't good enough, take time to contemplate and evaluate the situation.
The next week, one by one
The next few days were dedicated to new holidays that were added to the calendar.
Everyone disrobed
National Nude Day was celebrated by everyone undressing.
Everyone got stoned
National Stoned Day was celebrated with the consumption of marijuana.
With no repercussions
Sex with Impunity day was embraced with no concern for judgment or punishment.
Just like that
The President became the leader of the United States in an instant.
Contributed by Michael J. Suggest a correction in the comments below.