My 1st Time
Dark Lotus Lyrics


Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴  Line by Line Meaning ↴

[Violent J]
The first time, I didn't even feel guilty
Never washed off, stayed bloody and filthy
Just laid there next to the kid all night
Kind of soaking it all in, and feeling alright
I wasn't even old enough to drive yet, it was hell
I had to put him on my handlebars and dump him down a well
I try to feed of that until I couldn't anymore
By my sixteenth birthday, my total had grown to four

[Monoxide]
I ain't afraid of you, but be afraid of me
Cause when the lights go down, there ain't no stopping me
Memories of my first real killing
They found her all tied up, just hanging from the ceiling
What I was feeling was just so dark and twisted
I couldn't believe I just did this
Now I'm stuck in my very own private Hell
Will I ever do it again? Time will tell

[Chorus]
My first time
I was in control until the blood
It was my first time
The bloody mess I had to clean up
It was my first time
I know this ain't right
It was my first time
I finally took someone else's life

[Shaggy]
Every time I lay my ass down to sleep
I pray to fuck these memories seize
Bloody face and final breaths taken
But the first, uh, what was I thinking?
Just a piece of rope and a pair of hands
It was a man, but she kept talking man
Suffocation, through the mouth breathing
I chocked her for the very first time for no reason

[Blaze]
It was eleven on my clock, I remember that much
In the graveyard waiting for the dope man to show up
Ten minuets pasts, and there's still no sign
Just then off in the night, I see some headlights
A car rolls by, driving slow and I don't know
I thought it was my folk, I ain't pulled the .44
They stopped the ride, started blasting
The fist time I didn't pull the heat
Damn, this what happened

[Chorus]
My first time
I was in control until the blood
It was my first time
The bloody mess I had to clean up
It was my first time
I know this ain't right
It was my first time
I finally took someone else's life


[Madrox]
First time my knife touched skin
And the red blood started flowing so quick I just couldn't quit
Kept stabbing until everything that I seen was red
The pillow, the blankets, the walls, and even the bed
One color dominating everything like contemporary art
Am I the killer or artist with bloody heart?
Then I curled into a ball in the corner of the room
Feeling like a creep in the light of the moon

[ABK]
If I took this gun and put a hole in your chest
It won't compare to the first time I put someone to rest
Kind of like a dream, but on a nightmare level
Every time I think about it I can still hear the shovel
Diggin' deep into the dirt to try to hide the pain
Knowing I got away with something I'll regret in the end
I really shouldn't have never done it
But fuck it, I did him in
The first person that I killed was my first best friend

[Chorus]
My first time
I was in control until the blood
It was my first time
The bloody mess I had to clean up
It was my first time
I know this ain't right
It was my first time
I finally took someone else's life





Someone else's life first
Someone else's life

Overall Meaning

The song "My 1st Time" by Dark Lotus explores the theme of murder and the psychological impact it has on the murderers. The lyrics describe the first time each member of the group killed someone and the intense emotions they felt afterward. Violent J describes how he wasn't even old enough to drive when he killed his first victim and had to dispose of the body by dumping it down a well. Monoxide talks about his first killing being a woman who was found tied up and hanging from the ceiling. Shaggy talks about choking a woman for no reason and being haunted by the memory every time he goes to sleep. Blaze's verse describes witnessing a murder and not intervening and the guilt that comes with it. Madrox's verse depicts a gruesome scene of him stabbing someone repeatedly until everything was covered in blood. Finally, ABK reveals that the first person he killed was his best friend, and although he regrets it, he cannot undo what he did.


The song provides a deep insight into the disturbing psychological state of the killers and the remorse they feel afterward. The chorus acknowledges the horror of the situation by admitting that the first time taking someone's life is a bloody mess that can never be undone. The lyrics also examine the paradoxical nature of murder being both a repulsive act and an act of art as it is described in Madrox's verse.


Overall, "My 1st Time" is a thought-provoking song that craves an understanding of the dark impulses within human nature.


Line by Line Meaning

The first time, I didn't even feel guilty
I felt no remorse for taking a life for the first time.


Never washed off, stayed bloody and filthy
I kept the blood on me as a reminder of what I had done.


Just laid there next to the kid all night
I stayed with the corpse for a while, absorbing what had happened.


Kind of soaking it all in, and feeling alright
I was taking pleasure in my first killing, enjoying the feeling of power it gave me.


I wasn't even old enough to drive yet, it was hell
I was very young when I killed, and it was a difficult experience for me.


I had to put him on my handlebars and dump him down a well
I disposed of the body in a well.


I try to feed of that until I couldn't anymore
I kept thinking about the experience, reliving it in my mind until it was overwhelming.


By my sixteenth birthday, my total had grown to four
I had killed multiple times by the age of 16.


I ain't afraid of you, but be afraid of me
I'm not afraid of anyone, but people should be afraid of me.


Cause when the lights go down, there ain't no stopping me
When it's dark, I become uncontrollable.


Memories of my first real killing
I can still vividly remember my first kill.


They found her all tied up, just hanging from the ceiling
The victim was found hanging from the ceiling, bound and helpless.


What I was feeling was just so dark and twisted
I experienced dark and twisted emotions during the killing.


I couldn't believe I just did this
I was in disbelief that I had actually killed someone.


Now I'm stuck in my very own private Hell
I'm consumed by guilt and regret, trapped in my own personal Hell.


Will I ever do it again? Time will tell
I'm not sure if I'll kill again, only time will reveal that.


Every time I lay my ass down to sleep
Whenever I go to sleep at night,


I pray to fuck these memories seize
I hope these memories go away and stop haunting me.


Bloody face and final breaths taken
I remember the victim's bloody face and their last breaths.


Just a piece of rope and a pair of hands
I used a simple method to kill the victim, just a rope and my hands.


It was a man, but she kept talking man
The victim was a man, but they wouldn't stop talking.


Suffocation, through the mouth breathing
I suffocated the victim by covering their mouth.


I choked her for the very first time for no reason
I killed the victim for no apparent reason, just to experience the feeling of killing.


It was eleven on my clock, I remember that much
I remember the exact time of the event, it was 11 o'clock.


In the graveyard waiting for the dope man to show up
I was at the graveyard waiting for a drug dealer to arrive.


Ten minutes past, and there's still no sign
The drug dealer was late and I was getting anxious.


Just then off in the night, I see some headlights
I saw headlights off in the distance.


A car rolls by, driving slow and I don't know
A car drove by slowly and I didn't recognize it.


I thought it was my folk, I ain't pulled the .44
I thought it was the drug dealer, so I didn't pull out my gun.


They stopped the ride, started blasting
The people in the car stopped and started shooting at me.


The first time I didn't pull the heat
I didn't use my gun to defend myself for the first time.


Damn, this what happened
This is what unfolded, a violent and unexpected attack.


First time my knife touched skin
The first time I stabbed someone, feeling the knife penetrate their skin.


And the red blood started flowing so quick I just couldn't quit
The sight of the victim's blood made me feel powerful and I couldn't stop stabbing them.


Kept stabbing until everything that I seen was red
I kept stabbing until everything in sight was stained with blood.


The pillow, the blankets, the walls, and even the bed
The surroundings were soaked in the victim's blood.


One color dominating everything like contemporary art
The color red was the only thing I could see, making everything appear as if it were a work of contemporary art.


Am I the killer or artist with bloody heart?
I question whether I'm a killer or an artist with a love for bloody art.


Then I curled into a ball in the corner of the room
I recoiled into a fetal position in the corner of the room, overwhelmed with emotion.


Feeling like a creep in the light of the moon
Under the moonlight, I felt like a disgusting and creep person.


If I took this gun and put a hole in your chest
If I shot you in the chest with my gun,


It won't compare to the first time I put someone to rest
It wouldn't match the feeling of power I experienced during my first killing.


Kind of like a dream, but on a nightmare level
Killing someone felt like a surreal dream, but at a much darker and nightmarish level.


Every time I think about it I can still hear the shovel
Whenever I remember the event, I can still hear the sound of the shovel as I buried the body.


Diggin' deep into the dirt to try to hide the pain
I buried the body deep, attempting to cover up or bury the emotional pain I was feeling.


Knowing I got away with something I'll regret in the end
I'm aware that I got away with murder, but deep down I know I'll regret it in the end.


I really shouldn't have never done it
I know I shouldn't have killed, it was a mistake.


But fuck it, I did him in
But I did it anyway, I killed the person.


The first person that I killed was my first best friend
The person I killed was someone close to me, my first best friend.


My first time
The first time I ever killed someone.


I was in control until the blood
I felt in control until the victim's blood was spilled.


It was my first time
It was my first experience with taking someone else's life.


The bloody mess I had to clean up
I had to clean up the bloody aftermath of killing someone for the first time.


I know this ain't right
I understand that killing is not a morally right thing to do.


I finally took someone else's life
I ended someone else's life for the first time.




Lyrics Β© O/B/O APRA/AMCOS

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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Comments from YouTube:

Juggalo972🀘

Fam! Everyone check out my Juggalo972 Remastered version of this album on my remastered albums list! :) Whoop whoop!

https://youtu.be/_2vZYWL3oQY

Chris Joseph

It's amazing how their darkest songs are the most beautiful.

Nate

Right its like art.

Juggalo972🀘

^ This
Also, check out my remastered version of this album in my remastera list! MMFWCL

kimmyfreak200

like renditions of reality

Juggalo972🀘

My next big project will be another Halloween release. Do anyone of you out there remember a little Twiztid rock project announced in 2001, by the name "Black Majik?"

Well this Halloween, Juggalo972 presents "Twiztid's Black Majik" will this year's freshness along with this year's ICP Hallowicked single!

Joseph Moore

I remember my first time. I cried for 45 minutes. But as I continued, the crying subsided after the 3rd or 4th time. Everytime I started to well up, I just play some Dark Lotus and the sun shines just a little brighter that day.

Jim Stephens

One of my favorite Lotus songs

The duh ScRIP Shunn

The most devastating Psychopathic release other than both renditions of the 6th that is :)

Juggalo972🀘

I agree! You should check out my remaster list, I have this on my remasters list along with both versions of the 6th too! MMFWCL

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